Growing up in poverty

[atw503]

Hello,

I am an American (living with Australian partner) who grew up in poverty. There were times in my childhood and young adulthood where I was denied food, education, heating in the winter, and healthcare when desperately ill, injured, or mentally ill. This is the norm in America unfortunately.

I feel out of place in Australia. I feel panicky about money. I rarely feel secure, and it's always temporary. I'm constantly meeting people that take their affordable college education, inherited home, Medicare, and safety nets for granted. It messes with my head and leaves me feeling isolated.

On top of this I am homesick but also petrified at the thought of returning to miserable wages ($7.25 an hour), no healthcare, unaffordable college. I currently live in one of the wealthiest places in Australia (unintentionally-place my partner could find work). My anxiety and depression has increased.

We worked our butts off this year to build savings but I feel like I have a form of PTSD. I'm always scared, obsessed, and anxious about money. I've seen doctors and a psychologist and I feel they don't understand where I'm coming from. You can tell people something, but if they can't imagine having to live it, they're not going to get it.

Has anyone else who grew up in poverty or scarcity found it difficult to relate to other people? Or isolating?

[White_Rose]

Dear atw503

Welcome to Australia and to this forum.. I hope we can support you while you write in here.

I grew up in the UK at the end of WWII when it was not a case of not affording food, there was not much around. Of course many people grew their own vegetables, kept chickens etc but that was not possible for many others. So we lived a frugal life for a while. However this did come to an end and we were able to obtain food normally which I gather is unlike your experience.

Australia does appear to have plenty of resources, food, medicine, schools but there are many Australians who do not eat three meals a day, cannot afford uni, have no uniforms and books for school and no opportunities to get ahead. Some of these families regularly go without food at least one day a week and sometimes more. I know this because of I was part of an organisation set up to help these families. I find it heartbreaking to see children in this situation and I am equally as distressed to learn you were also disadvantaged and allowed to go hungry.

I can imagine how anxious you get about money etc. There are many people around who can tell stories of Australia's depression era and their subsequent need to save money and be frugal just in case... It does surprise me that mental health people cannot understand why you feel so afraid. It makes sense to me that living in a country that has so many resources your childhood never envisioned would be confusing.

Growing up in poverty has all sorts of effects on your future life including your mental health. You said you had talked to doctors and one psychologist. While doctors are fabulous people they do not usually have the skills to manage PTSD in a person so deeply affected and that may also apply to psychologists. Can you ask your GP to refer you to a psychiatrist, preferably one who has some experience with PTSD and abuse. There are some very good practitioners in Australia.

At the top of the page look under Get Support/Find a professional and navigate from there. Look for someone who is experienced in complex trauma. There may be someone near you who can help you.

I imagine the response from someone who knows of your early childhood would be to dismiss your fears and anxiety because "Well you don't have this problem now, just get on with life".

No space to write more. Love to read more from you.

Mary

[IreneM]

Dear atw503

When I previously traveled I went to third world countries and when I came back I had very similar feelings to yourself. In Australia we have no idea of what true poverty is here even though we have lots of pocket communities of homelessness and similar issues. I agree with you too that most Australians take their government entitlements like Medicare, Safety Net and like for granted in fact most may not even be aware of them or the fact that they are entitled to those benefits.

It's sad that you feel that your doctor and Psychologist do not understand you. GPs generally do not have the time to listen, I have noticed that among older practitioners there is a tendency to jump to conclusions and not listen to your true story.

But with Psychologists, their job is to listen to you and empathise with you, but they are not be qualified to give a diagnosis, but Psychiatrists as Mary says can. It also sounds like you are uncertain as to what is wrong with you specifically. So if you do not have a diagnosis ask your GP for a referral to a Psychiatrist.

Once you know this Psychologist can then help you more, if your Psychologist is too confrontational and does not listen, I would ask your doctor for a referral to a second opinion. It's important to be upfront with your doctor and psychologist that you are not being heard. If they are not aware of it they cannot do anything about it.

Every person and Therapist is different. So do not give up! We all have different people that we will click with and different counsellors and psychotherapists have different areas that they specialise in. We all have different personalities and if you don't click with someone and you can't communicate with them, change and seek another opinion until you find the right person. But once you find the right person, it will be worth it!

I have been under the wrong therapist and, looking back I wish that I had changed therapists sooner. If they are not doing their job as another friend from a support group once told me, WALK (or change). It is a bit of a nuisance but it is well worth it! The wrong therapist can ruin your life, whilst the right therapist can be a lifesaver!

Would love to hear more from you.

Irene.