I have never been diagnosed with PTSD (mainly because getting a diagnosis scares me a bit), but I keep having reoccurring dreams about a former love interest of mine who left me three years ago (I had fancied him for seven years). He's constantly on my mind, so much so that it almost terrifies me when I think I'm going to bump into him at the mall or at the city. He used to drive a white car (can't remember the brand), and even seeing those woosh past me on the road scares me; I fear I may see his face in the window. And when I went to Kmart a month or so ago, I felt this surge of anxiety when I saw a man that looked really, really similar to him. He was at the entrance checking people's receipts and greeting customers, but I was so relieved when I saw he had brown eyes instead of blue like the love interest, and his leg muscles were thicker than said love interest (who was practically bone thin). I feel like my experience is too small to label as trauma, but it feels like trauma to me. It ticks pretty much all the symptoms that fall under PTSD, but I still feel like it's not "good enough" or not "extreme" enough to be labelled as trauma. This man was neither abusive nor hurtful. He was actually a really nice guy, but he had flaws. Flaws that my brain refuses to overlook. He was several red flags and yet I walk past him as if I'm colourblind.
I'm not sure why I'm sharing this, but maybe someone else is going through the same thing out there...
I just feel stupid for feeling this way.
