First time reaching out needing help desperate!

[A_mother]

Please help anyone I'm kind of alone with no one to turn to and well to sum it all it's about my partner he has ultimately crises me with his gaslighting techniques, been together like 6 years or more I'm 27 he's 29 we have a son together who is 5 and a daughter who is around 4 months, I feel like I've got to a point where I want my partner to just get out of my life including our kids, just tonight he screamed the house down with uncontrolled outburst cause our son was doing the usual thing trying to get to sleep but calling out to stay awake etc as you know kids do but thought it was okay to traumatise him by abusing him for not sleeping, whilst waking our little girl and scared her, and because I told him he's out of line I then got abused and left helpless picking up the pieces of a crying baby and crying 5yr old. This scene is almost if not pretty much is a daily thing, I feel so neglected and disrespected, I just wish there was a place to send these bad eggs like him but I know you can't think like that but he's made me feel like worse than the dirt on his shoe. I've showed happy face for so long and am truly depply ashamed to break up because it's the stigma associated with it, I feel like I would make life worse for the kids if we were split up as he is very manipulative and would make my life hell by bad mouthing me to my beautiful kids, I know this cause he's already used it as a threat before if I ever left him, the list goes on I feel like I could be typing for ages it's the first time I've ever reached out for help... Not to mention I feel like I'd be letting down my mum and dad for not having a perfect relationship, has anyone else felt like this or had a partner that threatens these things that he will make matters worse if you leave ? I feel like I'll never be able to ever feel the love a girl is supposed to get from a man. I feel like time is ticking and I need to figure this out in a smart way but he scares me or I guess splitting scares me not that I'll miss us it's I'm scared of repercussions...
Many thanks in advance for your advice
😭

[paddyanne]

Hi A mother. There is another alternative suggestion. The police know of refuges where mother's and children are safe. Is there a way you could contact them and ask them to escort you to a refuge. Your hubby won't be informed and it will give you time to consider your next move. My concern is for you and the children's safety. Just an idea. He sounds as though he has some issues that are destroying him and if you can separate from him, give him the opportunity to get the help he needs. Your children will need the love and support you can give them, he is coming between you and them and they're so young and innocent. Like the others here, I'm concerned for everyone's safety.