Hi RaKy22,
I think the detachment is a very normal self-protective thing that those of us carrying past trauma do. It is like a way of keeping ourselves safe in case other people's reactions are hurtful or harmful. And you are absolutely right, it is so confusing, especially as the present is not the past but the past continues to affect how we experience the present.
I think the first step is simply awareness, just seeing where the patterns in our own behaviour are coming from. In my case, I am learning to have an observer part, or it could be an inner wise guide, who sees what the fearful part of me is doing. So instead of just being the fearful part I can actually step back enough to see what she is doing. This means I can also give her some comfort and encouragement. It takes time to develop this as if we haven't had much encouragement in our past it can be challenging learning to do it for ourselves in the present.
There are some therapeutic approaches that work with these parts of self, such as Internal Family Systems, which you can read and learn about and also do work with a therapist on it. I Iistened to a good podcast on this topic the other day on the CPTSD podcast with Tabatha Bird Weaver. There are two interviews she does with Internal Family System's therapist Terry Baranski from Season 4, Episodes 8 & 9, called Your Inner Parts and Healing From CPTSD. I just mention that in case it is helpful.
I think learning to feel safe in the present is what is so challenging, but if you can allow the fearful part of you to be seen, acknowledged and cared for it can gradually become easier to be out in the world without being so discouraged from doing things and engaging with others. I am still on this journey myself and I struggle with this too, but I am getting gradually better at it so I hope you can know it is possible that things can improve and shift away from feeling so hard.
I think until we can step back a bit and see what the parts of ourselves are doing, certain parts can act quite autonomously based on self-protection modes we learned in the past. It's important to be kind to those parts of ourselves and not hard on them, because they are doing a job that helped keep us safer previously. With awareness and care we can allow those parts, when they feel ready, to feel safer engaging with the world. Does any of that sounds like it resonates for you?
I hope you are doing ok and happy to chat further if it helps.
Kind regards,
ER
