Do I have PTSD?

[el-d]

So about two years ago we found out that my dad had been having an affair for almost 7 years. Since then my parents fight a lot and my mum has been diagnosed with PTSD from the night she found out (there was a big thing). A few weeks ago (maybe even a month or two) my parents had this big fight (my house is small so every time they fight I can hear them). Usually, it ends with my mum walking out or her coming and sleeping in my bed with me. However, this time when my mum tried to leave my dad wouldn't let her (he usually tries to stop her). My mum was saying stuff like "why don't you kill me." The whole time this was happening it was like I couldn't even cry, I was just shaking uncontrollably. My dad was being manipulative and telling my mum that she couldn't tell anyone what he had done or he would call the police on her.

Ever since the night we found out I have constantly been worried that my mum was going to kill herself, she has assured me that she won't but it's hard to not think about it.

Anyway, ever since that night whenever one of my parents raise their voice, my dad uses the tone he reserves for arguments, a door is closed too loudly or someone is stomping on the floor (sometimes it's even people arguing on the tv that I can hear from my room) it's like my heart skips a beat until I realise that it's okay and my heart beats really fast. It also happened while writing this.

I don't know if it is PTSD, sometimes I feel like maybe I am just looking for attention and reading into things too much.

Anyway, let me know what you think.

[Sophie_M]

Hey el-d, thanks for joining us here on the Beyond Blue forum. We know it can be quite daunting to make the first post so thank you for having the strength to do so. We're so sorry to hear what's been going on in your family, we can imagine hearing your parents argue would take a great emotional toll. We also acknowledge how upsetting and traumatic it would have been to hear your mum mention being killed. We think it makes sense that you feel worried about your mum and feel on edge. It sounds like a very stressful environment to be in at the moment. We want you to know that we're here to provide you with as much support, advice and conversation as you need. Our Support Service is trying to reach out to you via email as we are worried about you. We would strongly recommend that you get in touch with Kids Helpline - https://kidshelpline.com.au/  It sounds like you're in a really tough situation and it might help to talk it out whenever you're feeling overwhelmed. Kids Helpline counsellors can be contacted 24/7 via telephone and also via webchat if you go through the website provided. Thanks again for reaching out as we know that it can be really tough to do this for the first time. We hope that you find some comfort here in the words of wisdom and kindness that our community can offer. 

[Croix]

Dear el-d~

No, you are not reading too much into things and are certainly not just seeking attention (though even if you had would that have been a bad thing?). I'm not a doctor and cannot sat if you have PTSD -something I have myself - but I can say that listening powerless to those fights between your mother and father, and his threatening ways will have had a very great mark on you and put you in a very anxious and fearful mode.

The very people that should love and care for you are not there , they are shouting and fighting, heedless of the harm upon you.

So shouting on tv, heavy footsteps, a slammed door and other things too all will trigger that heightened sense of danger.

You do need help, as does your mum. This business of him calling the police is rubbish, a means of control. Can I suggest your mum calls the experts in family violence and abuse, 1800Respect - 1800 737 732 and get real advice?

Apart from yourself does she have any other people that support her? Parents, a friend, a doctor? Coming in with you is very important and gives her a refuge, but if you are worried she might take her life then it is not enough. All the more reason for her to to get outside advice and help.

Does she have anyone to support her apart from you? Other members of the family maybe?

If you want her to reassure you that she will not kill herself then suggest she gets a safety plan she fills out with your help, the one I use is at:

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/beyondnow-suicide-safety-planning

Free, fits on a smartphone, and easy to reach for when all seems too much.

Like Sophie I too am worried about you and would very much like to keep on talking with you as all this happens

Croix

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[Guest_1643]

hey!

as well as being a very traumatic incident watching that interaction between your parents - seeig your dad be manipulative and not honest would be very confusing and traumatic too - the loss of a potetial role model. The people who were meant to be safe and stable, acting in confusing ways.

I just want to tell you please from the bottom of my heart - don't ever thinnk you are overreacting or being dramatic - looking for attention - like Croix says - even if you are - that's also a sign that you really have a need to be seen, heard, and listened to - and it's coming from a pure place.

You are trying to share you experience. It can get very hard when we start to doubt ourselves and believe we might be imagining things. It's okay to be disturbed.
Write, cry, talk about it - whatever helps you - it's definitely not a bad thing to be crying out for help and is a natural response to what you have been through. You have a right to be heard and all that you went through sounds very hard.