Childhood PTSD

[Globetrotter]

So I suffered sexual abuse when I was little, I always went numb and was never able to dob him to protect my other fam members...

Through my teenager years I tried to see psychs to talk about my anxiety and depression but I was never brave enough to tell them what the real root of it was ...

I just let it be and then found thr man of my life who was the complete opposite of the perpetrators. He was fun, a bit crazy, adventurous etc. We had so much fun together and worked through life together until he had a back injury with work and stopped working for the last 4 years...I started having these feelings of being disgusted, angry, numb, I got so distant I can't even answer and look him in eye...I feel like I am back at 15 years old on that place with the perpetrators and I feel like I lost interest in life. I cannot deal with these similarities that bring me back to those nightmares...I am not too aure what to do....I can't get pass it even when he does try do something to move.forward I am stuck on these feelings. I don't take anything for depression but I am in a deep whole right now and cannot feel any love or happiness in life...

The only thing that keeps me going is being a responsible mum so I will always stick to survival mode to give them what they deserve...

I am not too sure why I am even posting but I can't talk to anyone about this and it's killing me....

[Sophie_M]

Hi there, Globetrotter

We wanted to stop by and welcome you to the Forum community! We are very grateful that you have chosen to be with us! 

We also want to take the opportunity for submitting such a brave post; feeling so unable to confide in family and loved one's about such horrific matters is a tale all too common, not just in this community but in so many we hear of - we cannot even begin to imagine the isolation and fear you must have endured for so long, and it is humbling to wrestle it with you.

It does cause your current feelings to have real context though! As much as we are so glad you have found someone like him, this current situation sounds genuinely challenging, and we are grateful that you are coming to our community to find ways to cope! We have no doubt that many of your peers will be joining you soon to see how they can think this out with you. But we wanted to remind you as well that we are here if you need us! Please do call anytime, 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or you can try out our webchat feature too! just click here to sign in.

In the meantime, please do continue to talk to us all, Globetrotter! We are glad you are here. Regards, Sophie M.

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Globetrotter,

A very warm and caring welcome to our forums,

I am so sorry that your struggling through your childhood PTSD,

I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and an abusive narcissist husband for 38 years..who passed away 9 years ago….

Like you I held in the hurt and pain in my heart for many many years, my childhood abuse and my husbands abuse, until he passed, then I went down into a ptsd downer and landed myself in hospital for nearly 6 weeks…it was there that I totally disclosed everything that I had been through, the relief I felt getting it all out was the beginning of my healing towards wellness…I still get triggered into OTSD, but am now better able to manage it most times..

I know it’s hard to disclose what we went through, the feelings of disgust, angry  of even shame, everything feels so strong and real, when ptsd raises its ugly memories….in actual fact, we are not to blame, they are, we are the survivors….and ptsd tries to take our life away by constantly triggering us at times…

Sweet Globetrotter, I would like to urge you to please make an appointment with your DR so they can get you a mental health care plan or line you up with a professional mental health counsellor and to try hard to disclose your trauma to them…..there is no shame in disclosing this…..if you can’t voice your trauma, then maybe write it out on paper and hand that to them…..many people do this, unless they know your trauma, they really cannot help you  to move forward….to getting your life back, the life that the perpetrators took away from you….You deserve to live a happy life, holding in your trauma, will more likely only feed it until it completely overtakes you…Don’t let your perpetrators win….You are a strong and beautiful person…

Here when I can be if you want to talk some more….as we all are..

Thinking of you with kindness and care..

Grandy..