Can you over come PTSD

[Mum Chris]

Hi

I'm in relapse of PTSD and not functioning well. Any type of loud talk or noise or if someone has a scowl on their face I am going straight to panic. My heart races I get terrified and imagine terrible things are going to happen and I can't stop it.

I'm always trying to keep ahead of any drama making sure everyone is happy. Hiding things and not saying how I feel and when asked a question I can't answer. I stutter and get sick in stomach

i listen for sounds in the house and their voices to see if tone is ok. Are they happy is dog doing the right thing are neighbors ok are bills due is my boss happy. I'm having days where I can't move or function. But if any family say how are you I say I'm fantastic and smile.

I'm working cooking cleaning but my hairs not done and I'm in pjs I'm working remotely so on good days I work longer hours to make up for my bad days and I've taken leave when I'm really bad.

Bad dreams are back all my husband has to say to me is something he's not happy with and I nearly fall to the floor. He's not the cause of my PTSD but he is making trigger back to my life of terror.

Is there a cure or something that can make me be able to calmly talk about disagreements instead of me saying yes yes whatever you want no problem it's good. And then hands shaking stomach sick heart racing cold sweat crying panic grab keys and ready to run while begging please stop talking I can't handle it I'm going to die it's too much. No matter what the discussion is about that's my reaction. I'm crying all the time now too so I have to hide in bathroom till I can calm down.

I need a cure I've been carrying this for a long time and I really had gotten better and stronger

[tranzcrybe]

Hi Mum Chris,

Sorry I couldn't advise more than making an appointment to see your treating practitioner. But, from a layman's perspective, it sounds like you are living 'outside' of yourself - seeing yourself as others see you, and trying to fashion yourself along those parameters to present you in the most favourable light.

If you could centre your attention to your innermost being to discover that you are the centre of your universe, and that everything that you are is within your control, then perhaps you may be better able to process the external sources (annoyances and distractions) that are invading your sacred space.

Realising there are two worlds (yours and that which revolves around you), may allow you to find solace when things become overwhelming on the outside.

Regards,

t.

[Mum Chris]

Hi yes that's so true I'm not looking at me that's probably why I feel so out of control and scared I try and fix everything and always checking on family and friends and not checking on me my experience shows me that if I don't prepare myself and keep an eye on what is going on bad things happen

I'm eating having a cuppa and going to shower and do my hair

Thank you

[james1]

Hello Mum Chris,

I'm sorry to hear you feel like you are relapsing, and it sounds really tiring and terrifying living in your shoes.

I don't want to say too much, but I think the short answer to your question is that yes, people do live with PTSD and manage to lead very happy and satisfying lives. And not to diminish the pain of carrying the burden you are under, or the work that has to be done with doctors and other professionals, but sometimes it really does start with a cuppa, a nice meal and just a little bit of self care.

I hope that little bit of time out has helped!

James

[Mum Chris]

I have been trying to pull the focus back on to me. I am to outward facing.

I also got the courage to tell my partner im unwell and can't deal with his anger and I told him it's not ok. As expected he got angry but I continued telling him what I need hes a really good man just selfish.

For last 2 days I have been looking after me. I'm still mum and do all mum stuff but I have set some goals. If I think about something I need to do I do it. Instead of leaving things till later. I'm making decisions about simple stuff and following through.

I'm still hurting and crying a lot. My eyes don't seem to dry up. One of the kids picked up on my mood and was really worried so I need to be careful not to cause more worry.

I haven't rung any of the numbers and I'm still dwelling on painful events. I'm sad which is better than earlier this week. I was feeling desperate like my life was out of control and every noise put me through the roof. During the night I still think I hear voices and movement but it's probably neighbours. I'm a long way from thinking anger means disaster. If kids or partner expresses anger or tries to talk to me about something and they are angry about it I fall apart get scared and sick and have to get away. I nearly pass out it's just too painful. Dr has given me pills that slow heart rate and stops the physical signs takes about half hour to work and only last a few hours. That's great but I need to fix my home life.

Thank you for the feedback it really helps

[tranzcrybe]

Hi Mum Chris,

Good on you for expressing how you feel to your husband and stating what you will and won't accept - that must have been quite a relief for you (and a little scary). I can understand a sense of getting angry in response, probably since it seemed to come out of the blue for him. I hope he responds positively to this once it sinks in that you deserve more than currently receiving in attention and care. Now you have made your point, try to be calmer with conversations.

Although wise to not inflict negative feeling on your children, I am pleased that your pain was recognised, as you may find more sensitivity to your feelings in return. Depending on the age of your children, you could let them know that it is nothing they have done (as kids usually blame themselves when parents get sad) but you are feeling low and would appreciate their cooperation - you may be surprised how supportive they are. Asking for a little help with simple tasks can make kids feel good - making a cup of tea for you, stacking dishes, or folding clothes, can build family spirit together (even husband could pitch in for the sake of the kids as well).

When experiencing anger in people, it can be a good idea to say "I want to respond and will, but not when using that tone of voice" and walk away until they can be respectful. This puts you back in charge to accept when you are ready.

Remember to find some personal space for yourself to reflect on how you are feeling and release any negative thoughts. It's okay to feel sad and to show yourself kindness when you are down.

Kind regards,

t.

[ecomama]

Dear Mum Chris

I've also been diagnosed with PTSD (C-PTSD actually) and alot of what you describe sounds very much like my experiences when I've been at my worst.

Adding nightmares.

I really want to encourage you to seek help. I "get" that you want to handle this yourself, I absolutely did too. But earlier this year my psych friend observed me "dissociating" and alarm bells went off for her.
I had only had Counselling for about 7y... no previous psych had mentioned PTSD.

My psych friend told me that unless I sought help, it could become far worse... she was right.
It did.

I reduced my life to as minimal as I could, more and more over time. The PTSD got worse and worse.

I sought a Psychologist who Specialised in PTSD and asked for a "tailored program".
She offered CBT and Exposure Therapy. There's more on my thread 'new person' if you want to read about my sessions. The sessions are in Bold Headings for reference.

In answer to your question "Can you overcome PTSD?" my personal response is, "Yes and no. Yes to diminishing the past events' hold over your present. No in that memories will not disappear but you may have less to no emotional ties to them.
BUT it will take alot of specific MH support and alot of work from you also.
There is no magical cure that I'm aware of."

I would not have been able to heal so much of the horrible effects of PTSD had I not had a specifically trained Psych to support me and teach me how to do Exposure Therapy on my own.

Please phone 1800RESPECT any time day or night. The Counsellors are really wonderful.
If you tell them or ask them, they will put you through to a Trauma Psychologist. They've done this for me many times, mostly before my treatment.
You can phone anonymously OR give them your name so they can make notes to keep supporting you.

But this support is only a bandaid IMHO. Please don't rely on this only and for always.

Speaking from the heart, you deserve better. You're a mum and wife and a person who's experienced trauma and you don't deserve to carry the burdens of this trauma any longer.

I would love you to begin to experience the freedom of living without these burdens.

Help is out there.

Many Prayers for your healing
Love EM

[Mum Chris]

Hi

thank you for posting they really helped.

I'm lucky to have caring children they really are great. I probably started my downhill a while ago and they were aware for a while. As much as I try to be cheerful they notice me not leaving the house and not socialising

Im not sure what dissociating is I will look it up

Today I'm feeling better today is better than yesterday and yesterday was better than day before.

My husband confronted me last night and accused me of trying to control him and I don't know where the courage came from but we ended up having a wonderful open talk about what was acceptable to me. He opened up with his fears and what's driving his anger. I'm not thinking this is the end of all my worries he is not the cause of my ptsd and it's not just him that's the trigger. The kids might be late home and I'm sick with worry or a loud noise in the street. Really our home has less fights and arguments than most. I'd say we don't fight and that's because I can't handle it.

I'm going back to my woman's group and I'm going to seek some help I can't do it on my own.

Its so frustrating that this has followed me for so long. My dr gave me the depression test years ago and I don't have depression or I didn't. I'm agitated and jumpy and tired and sad. No one really knows me and what happens in my head. I was considering asking to be put in hospital this week I was thinking of how the family would cope without me. Not going to harm myself just if something happened I'd be ok with it. I think it was just because I feel alone and in a cycle of pain

I keep crying still. But honestly being here I feel not alone. I will read more on PTSD post and people's journeys I do need a therapist to help me I'm really sunk back a long way. I was trying to think when did I get sick again and when did it start and it's been a while maybe 6 years and I was trying to get help and I did but it was just 3 sessions and a few trips to Drs and something to help me sleep. I went from laughing sociable happy to the couch and whispering when I talk. It took me 4 years of therapy and life changes and habits last time. This week has been a revelation for me. I knew life was hard but I didn't realise it was a symptom of my PTSD. I just thought everyone around me was difficult and hard to cope with and I have actually ended all my friendships over the last few years. I have family and that's it.

[ecomama]

Dear Mum Chris

I had the same or similar triggers, a sudden loud noise anywhere or loud noises. Even events or places were huge triggers - these have subsided. I used many techniques to have these triggers fade into memories.

The children late home is a big one. I realised a few years ago that the safety of my children (and any children in fact) is my biggest trigger.

Thankyou for opening up so much here. Sharing your story with us will help us give you more support.

I'm really sorry you've lost contact with your friends. A sad consequence of PTSD. I did too but I had DV here to deal with also but that's over now.
I've reconnected with my dearest friends and they've been pretty awesome tbh. No judgement just gorgeous.

We have a psych at work, I have lots of psychs around me and they're lovely so that's just lucky... she told me a few years ago that I will need Counselling at least for the rest of my life.

If I may try to explain the dissociation experience for me to you? It's like a veil that tones my present moment out alot and I go into remembering something from the past... sometimes I couldn't answer questions during this time and it might take minutes to bring myself back. Trying to put that memory out of my mind to be present.
Since the intensive psych work I did this year, my psych friend has not noticed me dissociating and I don't think I do. It's hard to say.

Talking about our experiences with people we think will understand is really important for our healing.
It's one piece of the jigsaw puzzle to better MH but not the only one. BY FAR not the only one.

Self-care has been proven by research to heal / reduce the effects of PTSD.
Sounds simple even offensive to me to once upon a time.
But the research is there.
It's another piece of the puzzle.

This also is not the only thing we need to change but it's a powerful one. We have a thread to list our self-care things here! It may give you some ideas of how to be kind to yourself.

Parenting is not for the feint hearted at ANY time! I hear you.

Hope you come back and let us know how you're going...

Love EM

[tranzcrybe]

Hi Mum Chris,

"My husband confronted me last night and accused me of trying to control
him and I don't know where the courage came from but we ended up having a
wonderful open talk about what was acceptable to me."

What a wonderfully positive encounter this would have been! Open and frank discussion about feelings is an essential part of relationships to receive and offer comfort and support no matter how disturbing or confronting it may be. The exchange of trust and mutual respect fuses you emotionally ever more bonded while easing the weight of individual burden.

"Really our home has less fights and arguments than most.
I'd say we don't fight and that's because I can't handle it."

Not fighting, on the one hand, can't be argued as a bad thing; but often these 'battles' then become internalised and manifest through great inner turmoil which builds into some climactic outburst of pain and confrontation. Avoidance in addressing concerns is actually disrespecting the other's integrity to willingly accept fallibility, and this breaks down trust and confidence in having a supportive ally. Silence becomes the enemy.

"I'm going back to my woman's group and I'm going to seek some help I can't do it on my own."
"I have actually ended all my friendships over the last few years. I have family and that's it."

Finding a support group can bolster your self confidence and help you process immediate distractions/setbacks. Good thinking, Mum Chris, to employ every support resource available!

Kind regards,

t.