Two months ago I became a single parent. I was with my partner for ten years. I have a daughter from a previous relationship, and we share a four year old son together. We also have a joint mortgage.
My twelve year old daughter told me she had been sexually abused by her stepfather. It happened more than once. I am a shift worker and the abuse happened when I was on night shift. I still feel sick thinking about it. I confronted my x, but he denied it. That night we fled the family home and stayed with family for a few days. He eventually left the house, so my children and I returned to our home. I felt like I had no choice but to inform police. Then followed an apprehended violence order. He ended up getting arrested, but released on bail with strict conditions. I felt so guilty and confused. I still cared about him at the time even though he did these horrible things. I think most of those feelings have since developed into pure hate and anger. I am angry at him. I am angry at myself for not knowing what was happening.
When we first met I thought I had met someone really amazing. It didn't take long for things to go pear shaped. He was a heavy drinker. Drinking turned him into someone else. He had a short fuse. He humiliated me in public. He was so controlling. I was not allowed to spend $10 on myself.
My daughter and I have started counselling, however I feel the road to recover is going to be very long. I had to go on medication to function. I am sick of pretending I am okay when I'm not. I have continued going to work to support my family but it has been an effort. I can't tell my work friends the truth. It is too full on. I just say I had to separate as he did something that was unforgivable. It is like bottling everything up inside.
Things just got worse as I heard from his lawyer the other day. It is clear he wants us out of the house. It has only been two months. I am too miserable to sort my life out at the moment. Now I have had to organise legal advice and an evaluation on the house. I don't think I can afford to buy him out. I am worried we may become homeless next. I am worried about money. There will be lawyer fees and my daughter needs braces.
How do you ever recover from something so horrible? How do you ever trust someone again. The pain is too much. The betrayal is too huge. My life is a mess.
