Abused as a child.

[Guest_322]

Hi,

I'm not sure where to start. Suffice to say, and I don't want to go into the details, that I was abused as a child by a relative. It's a little hard for me to say "abused" as there's a part of me that feels it was all so surreal. Like I had made it up in my head.

Even as I've opened up to select people in my offline life, and they've called it abuse, I still find it hard to believe. I still feel like a drama queen. I mean, it wasn't that bad.

Although I do have a whole range of trust issues and the like, I'm trying, and it's really hard. Trying to trust. Trying to take a chance on people. Trying to get through each day. And right now, trying not to cry because I've uni work to do ha, ha. I suddenly remembered something that my psychologist (have stopped seeing her for a while now) once said about how I missed out on so much as a child. That thought is upsetting.

Anyway, that's enough. I'm getting emotional and I have a lot of uni work to do.

Thanks for reading

[Wilma1]

I found you Dottie. All I could do was cry. No words to say just so sorry it's happened. Hope your day goes ok. Wishful

[Just Sara]

My beautiful amaze-balls lovely's; (Corny and Dottie)

Following this thread has been sad, funny, flashback-y, heartfelt, tragic, happy...so many emotions.

I'm here in the background holding you both up with my virtual strength and loving hands. I literally feel it in my body; the pain, grief, loss, abuse, trial of the spirit. It's in me too.

Although our stories differ, the kindred spirit of connection and Will to recover, binds us. (tears...)

We're all amaze-balls!

Love...Dizzy xoxoxo

[Guest_322]

Hi,

Aw thank you Dizzy, you're amazeballs too. Very grateful for you. Yes, I agree that Corny is amazeballs too ha, ha.

Wishful, hi and I'm sorry about you too. You're in good company with Starwolf, Blue, Kaz and others (sorry, bad memory) who have your back.

In happy, random news, I'm currently standing outside under a tree (long story). Kind of peaceful here.

Love you all!

Dottie xxxxxxxxxxx

Dottie xxx

[Cornstarch]

Thanks Dots xx

Corn-erstone to too many for too long.

[Febry]

Hi Dottie,

I just came across this thread now and (this is late but) I just want to reach out to you and congratulate you for going through daily lives with the trauma of child abuse (and current stress).

I hope you are doing well and managing well. There's not much advice I can give to you other than to accept that it happened and you are not being dramatic. For me, I think it is easier to manage if we accept it and realize how far we've come in life and continue to live despite these traumas.

You seem to have been on quite the journey and I'm interested to hear more but I understand that it is a very private and sensitive topic to you so I won't pry further.

I'm sorry I can't help much, but I'm sure the support and advice you've already received had help more than I could.

Stay well and take care - there's a clear sky waiting behind the stormy cloud.

Best Wishes

xx

[Guest_322]

Hi,

Corny, she of the wit and puns ha, ha. Perceptive and funny. A lethal combination on these forums. Thanks for a much needed chuckle 😊

Febry, I really appreciate your words of support. There's still a part of me that asks myself how in the world did I start with my (never ever, ever, ever ending) complaints/grumbles about uni and work- especially uni- and end up on this particular forum ha, ha.

But lightheartedness aside, I really do appreciate your support.

Thanks Febry 😊

[Guest_322]

Corny,

Jokes aside, there's pain there in your words. Here's another virtual hug (think you might need it).

Dottie xxx

[Cornstarch]

Thanks Dots,

When it is time for one person to contain, it is time for another person to flush.

Nervous systems built by mind warpers get jittery; but then you wake up.

'Clarity', at least at first, certainly should not be mistaken for freedom. Self-compassion is the mantra of the times. Sounds great in theory doesn't it. But unfortunately for traumatised people, when self loathing lifts you are given no other option but to 'see clearly'. This can be very dangerous if you don't have the right supports or simply aren't ready.

To see clearly what monsters have done is certainly not a walk in the park, it is a lot easier to scamper back to the snug self loathing and close your eyes and blame yourself.

It gives you a focus. Minds don't like to expand too quickly they will expand, contract, expand, contract, expand contract.

I hope it was a lovely tree. When I meet a lovely tree that I can't take my eyes off, I always think;

"where was I on that day when your little seed germinated to start your journey towards becoming this magnificent? Was I born yet, was I at the shops, was I playing lego, did it rain that day, was it a Friday or a Monday?"

Heirloom Organic Corn Seedlings

[Guest_322]

Hi Organic Corn,

Yeah, "clarity" can sometimes be a bit of a double edged sword. Sometimes when the blinders come off, s**t gets real.

I guess our minds are a work in progress. Maybe they expand-contract-expand-contract as self preservation; minds are great but info/pain overload isn't so great.

Thanks, as always, for your insight.

Your tree comment made me smile. Trees are pretty amaze indeed 😊

Dottie x

[Cornstarch]

Yo Yo Whass up Dottles.

Clarity.........is painful!

I started hard core meditating when I was in my late teens. God I was young, stupid, naive, ignorant and fanciful.

Thought it could 'fix' me. Hilarious. Suffering skyrocketed.

Meditating needs to come with a warning for the traumatised. Lids flying off of boxes too quickly is not healthy. Remaining contained at times is wise.

Good Luck with Jung this week Dots and all your Freudian slips.