Women from diverse backgrounds trapped in abusive relationships not knowing where to seek help.

[Donte]

Tonight has been one of the many nights that my neighbors have been fighting and even though I cannot understand their language it has been so distressing that I had to called the police once again. This is a regular occurence. Things quieten a bit for a while and then the violence starts again. The police arrives regularly next door. Everyone knows about this and sometimes the neighbors may talk about it but the mother of two who doesn't speak English hardly talks to anyone and no one really knows how to help her apart from calling 000 when things get very bad.

Many women are trapped in abusive marriages for decades before finally fleeing from their controlling partners. This happens in every culture and all religious and socioeconomic spheres. However, when women come from patriarchal, male-dominated cultures and religious backgrounds were they are viewed as 'helpers' or lesser than their husbands, then it can be much harder for them, and may take much longer to leave and end the relationship. If they don't speak English and depend on their partners for financial support then simply can't afford to leave. Many remain in marriages that are toxic, for many years as they believe it is god's will or in their children’s best interests. It is a great shock to go from being financially secure to homeless.

Sadly, this situation is one echoed in countless households across the country within every community, with many women in toxic relationships facing an agonising dilemma — stay and face more abuse, or leave and face judgement and persecution from your own community, and poverty and homelessness.

People stay in marriages for different reasons, but everyone gets a financial reality check when they separate. Non-English speaking women in abusive and violent relationships may find it harder to leave but despite the hardship there are a range of support services available to them, including the police multicultural liaison officers, Relationships Australia, women’s shelters, churches and women’s legal services.

According to White Ribbon Australia, one in three women have experienced physical and/or sexual violence at the hands of someone they know, and one woman is killed per week by a current or former partner in Australia today, while domestic and family violence is the main cause of homelessness in women and children.

If you or someone you love is impacted by sexual assault or family violence, call 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732). In an emergency, call 000.

[Hayfa]

Hello Peppermintbach and everyone else,

You are quite right, among many multicultural families the sons are favoured because of the carrying of the name however, I think the violence to women stems from a very old religious and cultural view that men are to be considered superior.
I find the problem here, like many old outdated beliefs, they cannot possibly hold validity and credence anymore in this modern age we have now evolved in.

While educating perpetrators may work for some men, most refuse to engage to become different and learn the ways and rules of this country and, the right of respecting all women.
I think it is integral to include information for women experiencing domestic violence and resources to help perpetrators change on our Multicultural People website.
Domestic violence against any woman is abhorrent and should not be tolerated, I feel the best and only thing we can do for women from CALD background that may be experiencing this, is to give them all the information about their rights and let them decide how and when they want to do something about it.

Sadly, we know from research that most women from CALD backgrounds in this situation will not involve the law first up, they need to be told of the process and outcomes to their partners and they need to be told about what support exists for them should they involve the law. This information needs to be about financial support, health, wellbeing, housing and employment.

More importantly, most CALD women don't understand or trust western authority although as we have found from working with them in the Greater Dandenong peer support project, they will talk to someone from the same cultural background who understands the events and the traditional views behind the event. In light of this, it is very important to point women who are willing to go for help to the community support groups who have multicultural workers such as intouch and many others in the States and Territories throughout Australia.

Hayfa

[Donte]

Hello Pepper,

In my culture too having girls is still in many ways considered a disadvantage! When older Greek people ask me if I have any children and I reply that yes, I have a daughter, I usually get the following reactions: ‘Oh, don’t worry, you’re still young, the next one may be a son!’, or ‘Oh no, you better start saving!’, or ‘Only one? One equals none! When are you having your son?’ etc

You see in my culture, like in many cultures around the world, traditionally a woman’s role is to stay home and have children, preferably boys, so the family name can continue. A woman wasn’t able to get married unless she had a dowry - her father had to provide her with a house and money in order to attract a wealthy and educated husband. So people started resenting having girls. Especially the poor families. There’s a lot of folklore highlighting this in the Greek literature, art, songs etc

Of course nowadays arranged marriages are not the norm and as our modern Greek society has moved away from religion in ways unprecedented to the past, the liberation of women has taken place and most households have dual income and many times women may have higher income than their men! Yet, the notions still permeate the culture and belief systems to the point where in the year 2018 we still get remarks like the above-mentioned!

Sadly, many educated, professional women also carry these notions in them even if they’re born in Australia and are of second or third generation Greek families.

The majority of adult sons become responsible for the elderly parents’ finances and estate etc where the daughters are expected to do the housework and help them with showering and shopping!

I look at Muslim families and still see little girls covered in burqas on their way to school. When I was a teacher I had girls who were forbidden to swim or participate in sport or athletics! This happens in Australia today!

So yes, raising the bar is pivotal! What type of messages do we give to our girls? Good starting point!

[Donte]

Hello Hayfa,

This has been my experience too working with women from non-English backgrounds over the last couple of decades.

Your recommendations are very useful. I agree.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Donte’, Hayfa and all,

Hayfa: what a fantastic post. Yes, I agree that outdated beliefs are a key contributing factor.

I feel your comments about some women from CALD backgrounds being mistrustful of authority figures who don’t speak their native language makes a lot of sense. I imagine this mistrust and fear might be more pronounced amongst women who migrated to Australia at a more mature age and are still getting used to the laws and customs of this country, and are perhaps quite socially isolated.

I could be wrong but I feel perhaps, women from CALD backgrounds (who were born in Australia or migrated to Australia at a very young age) might be more trusting of western authority figures simply because they’re more used to them/grew up with them plus might be more confident speaking English? As opposed to those who arrived in Australia at an older age?

For example, I’m female and I’m from a CALD background but I generally don’t really have a major issue with western authority figures. I suspect that is partly because I’m used to western authority figures, can communicate in English with no major language issues, etc.

Donte’: great insight, as always 🙂 I really liked your comment about raising the bar for girls and women.

Yes, to this day, boys are often perceived as more “valuable” than girls in some (not all) cultures. I think when you hear comments like the ones you get from older Greek people, the subtext is basically that a daughter isn’t “worth” as much, and I feel that’s very hurtful.

One of my relatives recently gave birth to a son and she is being treated like a queen by some of my older relatives because traditionally, in my culture, the “best” that a woman can do in life is to give birth and not just give birth but to a son. So seeing as I don’t want to have my own children...I don’t even have to tell you about their thoughts about me.

Anyway, I completely agree with you and I feel it starts early. I feel it’s not just about educating girls but boys too need to be on board when it comes to understanding respect and equal rights. The “whole prevention is better than a cure” strategy if you get my drift.

But I suppose it’s hard when some parents might still hold certain views that don’t promote respect and equal rights as those beliefs can trickle down from generation to generation. For example, even if schools promote gender equality (which is fantastic) but if the home environment is at odds with that...

Kind thoughts,

Pepper xo

[Donte]

Hello Hayfa,

Great points, especially that 'many women from culturally and linguistically diverse backgrounds, especially if recently-arrived, may not understand or trust western authority although as we have found from working with them in the Greater Dandenong peer support project, they will talk to someone from the same cultural background who understands the events and the traditional views behind the event.'

Of course we should mention also that there are quiet many who don't trust someone of their own community and are sceptical in regards to confidentiality issues and even using interpreters as they don't want their community to find out that they're faced with an issue. If these people don't speak English and/or have any access to other supports, not sure where they'd go for help.