The Last words of my preposterous stupid life.

[JHopeless]

Thanks for anyone who trusted the authenticity of this story , my short story of the preposterous life that I have suffered for the last 34 years. First of all, please accept my apology with my poor English as it is my second language that I had first learnt from Year 10 in Sydney.

I though I will have a new beautiful life when I landed Sydney 20 years ago. Because I can finally escape from a place with all people bullied me , Family , school , church , all people around me don't like me , the vision in my childhood , all hated words given to rise me. Like in a simple description of my life, since ever i understand human language , not a good word into my ear. So as my parents and my younger sister.

There is no Love I can find within my family school and church, so I been out to hunt for LOVE, get into a first love relationship which doesn't went well because the only place for any dating is casino, he just like gambling and not willing to just quietly sit at the beach with me, unlike any other couple on Earth, there is no sweetness out of the relationship for 8 months and it was my puppy love at my age of 19.

I was so hurt with the broke of this relationship, I just want a boyfriend who love me just like how I could love him, so hard to find one or I have nothing for anyone on Earth to love. I then met a guy from church, at the very first of our relationship, all people in church was laughing at me, and calling him not to date with me and just because they mis-understood that I am a orphan and not noticed that my parents are actually been in the church since ever we landed, that's usual in Chinese Base Christian Church in Sydney. I then leave the church with that new boyfriend, at my age of 21i. He dump me in 3 days coz he feel annoyed from those calls from church, but dragging us together in three months time, since then we been together for like 3 years. But also no romance, he always hit me and i fright back, we been to police and many stupid ugly things, end up we broke and he took all my money and leave me with a lone under my name that i never notice.

that was 2008, up until now, my parents still hate me about all these, they think i should not show up in the family and i will bring bad names to them, i had suffered 10 years of depress but no one notice, i had no money in the account and no friends. I wish i can tell more of my story about betrayed by good friends, bullied by workplace but there is limited,sadly ,my last words cant be complete.

[Birdy77]

Dear JH,

You sound deeply distressed.

We care about you and want to hear more of your story.

Please could you call our helpline on 1300 22 46 36 and talk to a gentle person there for a little bit?

Please come back here and talk to us some more later.

I know you are in a lot of pain, but life can get better.

We will support your journey towards a better life.

Please JH, please call 1300 22 4636.

[Jacko777]

Welcome JH

I am really sorry to hear how you are feeling and what you have been through, as Birdy77 has said, finding some good help will be really benefit you.

You are welcome to continue your story in another post. I wish we could change your past for you, but of course we can't, what we can do though is start focusing on the present moment, practice finding the positive aspects, refuse to bring the negative past into your present, takes practice! Don't be defined by your past. We can't control other people, we can't make people love us, but with practice and understanding we can learn to know and love ourselves.

With help you can ensure that your mind is free to concentrate on what you will build for yourself for the future. You are on a new path towards happiness and calmness, you can do it.

All the best, Jack.

[Donte]

Hello JHopeless,

Welcome to the Multicultural experiences forum. My hope is that through your engagement with various people in here you can become hopeful that the future can be brighter for you.

I feel your pain and frustration about your family and church and people around you. It’s unfortunate but often those closest to us are actually the ones who know us less.

It is very brave of you to take this step and tell your story in here. Hope that it made you feel a bit better, just expressing your thoughts and emotions.

Family has their own expectations and Church has its own agenda.

There is truly no need to live by anyone’s standards but your own. There is no right or wrong. There are only consequences for everything.

Yet, I understand it must be very hard for you to having to live by all these rules and expectations.

Have you got any friends here? Anyone you can trust and talk with? If not, are you aware that beyondblue is offering confidential chat here and/or over the phone? Maybe also talk to your doctor. GPs can askthe right question’s and refer you to available supports.

It seems from what you are saying that you tend to get attracted to unavailable men. Perhaps taking some time alone and relaxing will help you reflect on things.

It’s not easy finding someone good these days. I’ve been single for for five years and is impossible to connect with someone.

I find joy in my dogs and in my child. That suffices firvthr miment.

Just remember, no matter how good or how bad it is, it will change! It always does. X