Pretty in Pink?

[Donte]

Been watching the gifts children get for xmas and how they often perpetuate gender stereotypes. Boys often get trucks, tools, guns, robots etc while girls receive magical fairies, ballerina costumes, imitations of cooking equipment, dolls etc. Often wondered if this is subconscious or directed. How does it work in your culture? What types of messages did you get as a boy or girl growing up in your part of the world? I remember as a teacher one day the principal came to our class and said: ‘Can I borrow four strong boys to help me carry a bookshelf?’...What type of message does this gives to the girls in the room? How about the weak boys? Aren’t there strong girls around? Stronger than the average boy? How do stereotypes like these affect our mental health? What message do we give to our girls when every fairytale is about a princess waiting to be rescued and saved by the prince who will come in and take her away and she’ll be his forever? What are we preparing our boys and girls for? What messages does religion give? Culture? Society? Art? Chen’s? Songs? Why are we still preparing our boys for war and our girls for marriage and child bearing? How does this gender inequality affect our view of the world? Our part in it? What kind of harmful notions did you had to overcome in order to start your recovery process? ‘Boys don’t cry’, I hear you saying! Or ‘Boys will be boys’. Or ‘She’s daddy’s girl!’... What do all these mean in the context of your culture and attitudes that could perpetuate mental illness, domestic violence, submissive or aggressive behaviors, rape etc? Let’s put some thought into the small things and perhaps initiate some change to foster a healthier interaction and relationships.

[Donte]

Hi Elizabeth,

Yes, this issue is more complex and has major ramifications than just what toys children play with and treating everyone equally. I think it starts from childhood, - toys, stories we tell, songs we sing, roles we copy from our parents and significant others as well as the messages we get from school, religious and community leaders and institutions, what the media portrays etc - and continues to affect us, shape our thinking and influences us throughout our lives subconsciously or consciously. Many people from various cultures and religions have trouble adapting to change. We all have been conditioned to think and behave in certain ways depending where we grew up, what era, what location, under what regime, religion and culture and in what linguistic and historical context we found ourselves growing up. However, change is the only inevitable thing as language, culture, beliefs etc change and evolve constantly according to the people who use them and are part of, particularly through migration and in a multicultural setting, what's right for one group may be wrong for another. But even within the same group of course there is never homogeneous approaches to life and mental health. That's what I enjoy mostly about life in Australia: choices. Individuals and groups have more choices here and those choices are tolerated, accepted, embraced and equally respected much more than in my country of origin. Pluralism is so enriching and provides us with the responsibility to choose for ourselves knowing that there's no right or wrong and one size doesn't fit all but there are always consequences, positive or negative. If we are aware of this and choose responsibly for ourselves then we could only grow and expand as individuals, cultures and society in general and hopefully enjoy better mental health outcomes as a result.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Donte’ and all,

Thank you so much for your thoughtful and intelligent response. I loved, loved, loved your points 🙂

In particular, I really liked:

There is always diversity within diversity and luckily as people get more educated and learn to think for themselves they tend to break away from oppressive molds.

'Community' is not the same for a post-War migrant to a generation Y person or an aboriginal for example.

Hopefully, in today's society, as the pressure from culture, religion, family etc. eases and as people's choices become more accepted, respected, encouraged and protected by law they will be less limited and controlled by others. This may ease the hopelessness, despair, anxiety, fear, depression and mental distress for many.

Beautifully written 🙂

As I touched on, one of the ongoing arguments that I have with multiple family members/relatives is essentially about their culturally fuelled belief in the sanctity of motherhood (that they feel every woman, including me, has an obligation to uphold) versus my belief in my right to make my own decisions about my own body without pressure, coercion, emotional blackmail, interference, etc.

Anyway, thanks again for your thoughts and allowing me to share my personal views and experience.

You truly are an asset and “breath of fresh air” on the forums. I admire your open mindedness, insight and intelligence.

Caring thoughts,

Pepper

[Donte]

Hi Pepper,

I’m glad to be a part of these forums and share with each other ideas and thoughts on mental health and multicultural experiences. Thoroughly enjoy the interaction these forums provide and the engagement between members. It’s great to explore our truths and have this platform to be able to articulate our experiences, share and exchange ideas via these threads which can lead to resilience building and potentially create a supportive, understanding environment where we can be ourselves and share our struggles, victories and everything in between on this path of recovery. Looking forward to more. 🙂

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Donte’ and all,

Well, I’m glad you’re on the forums too 🙂

I agree that it’s great to have this space to share ideas and personal experiences and stories. We can all hopefully learn from each other and maybe look at things from a new angle at times that we hadn’t previously considered.

Thanks Donte’

Caring thoughts,

Pepper