Mothers Day turmoil.

[Donte]

Today I’ve seen so many mums walking around proudly with their children, partners and friends, holding flowers and special gifts, having picnics and strolls at the parks and down the beach.

Busy Sunday today for mothers of all ages and shapes and sizes. It’s Mothers Day you see. This one day of the year that many countries have set aside to celebrate the significant role a mother has in family and society.

Behind the smiles, the flowers and the pleasantries of course always lurks pain and disappointment and emotional turmoil.

For those who enjoy a great relationship and connection with their mothers it can be a wonderful time. Mothers undoubtedly offer so much of themselves to raise their children and see them become valuable members of our society. It is most appropriate to take time to highlight the special role these women - the mothers - play in so many children’s lives.

However, many children also do not have that privilege. Many grow up in loveless, abusive households were violence, drugs, alcohol dependency, unemployment and mental illness steal the nurturing love they crave so much. Many mothers abandon or neglect their children. Others exploit them and abuse them. It happens in every culture. In every religion. In every community.

Mothers are just people. Girls, who grew up to be women, who have given birth to children.

Today, I’d like to think about those mothers, who like mine, were abused as children, and became pregnant during their teen years, having given birth to unwanted babies. Those who were not ready for motherhood. Or equipped. Or interested. Or capable. Those who’s lives are ruled by addictions, codependent relationships, uncertainty, violence and distress. Those who are under the rule of fear and their kids are neglected, misplaced, unloved and uncared for.

Beyond the cultural notion that motherhood is equivalent to martyrdom or sainthood, which many cultures uphold, including mine, I’m wondering how many of you have suffered abuse and neglect by your mothers, step-mothers and significant other women in your lives which has resulted in mental distress, anxiety, depression and addictive, destructive behaviors.

How has your relationship with your mother affected you and impacted on your ability to engage and form healthy relationships? How’s your cultural group views women and motherhood in particular? Does this equate with your personal experience?

[Donte]

Hello Pepper,

Thank you. I also enjoy our interaction!

Instead of ‘Multicultural people’ I’d suggest ‘Australians from culturally and linguistically diverse backgrounds’ and instead of ‘Multicultural experiences’ forum, I’d recommend ‘forum for the experiences of culturally and linguistically diverse Australians’. This resonates better with me. X

[Anna697]

Hi all,

I was having the hardest time on mom’s day. I have lost my mom when I was 24, its been 16 years now. I am still struggling some days but not every day. But this year I was feeling so empty , wishing if at least I could remember her voice. I didn’t call my mom inlaw for the first time after 17 years because I was feeling I didn’t like to pretend.

Then I thought I might start a campaign or something, don’t know yet but sometime to acknowledge the pain on the day that everyone , tv, fb, shops all around you is reminding you of something you don’t have.

It was very hard , I just let myself go , didn’t stop me from eye full if tears at work when everyone was planning for their Sunday with mom.

It’s stratthat after 16 years the loss can capture me . 😢

[Elizabeth CP]

I'm sorry about your loss. Although the pain eases over time there are times which really trigger the feelings of loss years afterwards.

Both my mother & MIL died some time ago & i'm OK with that. Both were disabled & their quality of life was limited by the time they died so it was a relief in a way knowing they were free from pain & discomfort.

My issue with mother's day was not having my children. I rang my daughter & spoke briefly & then she had to go because her husband had just cooked a nice breakfast for mother's day. I was pleased for my daughter butit left me feeling very sad because there is no one to do that for me. My husband has been very ill so is unable to help me. I have to do everything for him. I couldn't have my children visit for mothers day because my husband was too unwell. I thought if it affected me as much as it did when I do have good adult children who care about me how much worse it must be for those who have never been able to have children or those who have lost children.

[Donte]

Hi Anna97,

Welcome to the forum.

Thank you for posting on this thread. Thank you for raising this very important issue - loss and grief - and missing your mother.

I am sorry for your loss. I am sorry for the unavoidable reminders that the day brings.

It’s beautiful that you can let yourself go. It’s lovely that you can cry and express your emotions.

You are aloud!

Do whatever feels right for you at any given time.

Hope this forum helps by providing a safe, friendly and empathetic environment where you can explore your feelings without judgement or criticism.

Hope you have people around you who love and care for you and are letting you know. Have you accessed the chat line in here? It’s private and confidential. Also, there are resources available to help you.

I hope you can keep engaging with us and continue to post in here. We’d love to hear from you again x

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Donte’ and all,

Donte’: Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts. That is certainly a thoughtful alternative name 🙂

Anna and Elizabeth, I’m deeply sorry for both your losses. Mother’s Day sounds very painful for you, Anna, and bittersweet in your case, Elizabeth.

Kind thoughts to all,

Pepper xoxo