Lonely. What else I could try?

[notanon]

I'm an international student in Australia. I came here alone when I was 17 and don't know anyone here. At first, I chat and regularly video call with my friends back in my country, however after a few months, group chat died down and there are no new messages.

I'm the eldest in my family, and growing up, I wasn't able to rely on my family much as my siblings rely on me. I need to keep up this facade of a strong sister and set example for them.

I went to a psychologist and she told me to try and join clubs. So I tried joining club, I made friends. But it's like we go club gathering once a week, talk, and outside gathering, me and other club members are like semi-strangers.

Since coming to Australia, 2 years now, I've spent every single day eating my lunch alone. Doing homework (minus forced group projects) alone.

and when loneliness hits the peak, I search and start playing online games and making online friends which help me a lot. But a part of me still feels empty and sad.

I decided to try consult my best friend, what she said translates to 'Your depression is not real', and she probably meant that I do not have clinical depression.

I don't know anymore what to do. My accommodation is walking distance to campus and a grocery store. These past months, I've just been to 3 places, bedroom, grocery and campus. I haven't went to shopping center, or go do anything else. All I do is play online game with my friends.

I can't sleep at night, cos I'm afraid tomorrow will come and I'll eat alone again. In the morning I often don't want to wake up and deal with life.

The only conversation I had these past few weeks are with cashiers as I've been skipping club gatherings. I just received an email telling me I did not have enough attendance for a unit and automatically failed it.

I'm not sure what else I could try and do to cope with this loneliness. Online game and daydreaming is the only thing for me right now.

[notanon]

Hi again,

I'm living with uni students. We all go to the same university, just different faculty and we're from different country, different background. From what I notice, people tend to flock together with people from same culture... I'm not sure about moving... I don't really have friends to help me carry my stuff, moving alone by myself doesn't sound easy. I don't have car and idk anyone who have car that can help me and etc. Probably I'm just running away again, but I'm kind of really scared rn.

your partner's story sounds pretty amazing. I've always believe that time will bring me friends, and ofc effort too. Tho lately that belief starts to waver ><

Games I play lean more towards anime and manga-ish. I play Twin Saga, PUBG Mobile, lots of dating sims, and mobile rhythm games. And yes, I'm in the anime manga society and does attend weekly meet up, but i still cant get into their circles. Most are Australian raised and I can't seem to fit in, especially when they start talking about Australian TV Shows or similar.

[Guest_1584]

Hiya not , glad you've found somewhere to talk.

Weird , l've never spent that kinda time in another country but l always liked the idea however l never ever thought about the friend factor and fitting in but l can see how it might end up a pretty big thing.

l grew up in Melbourne and my area was very mixed so l knew people from all over but was too young to even think about the struggles they may've been living . l've been in some small town now a few years to stay close to my daughter but l don't really fit at all and have made no friends .

earlier, 19 and 20s l hitched around oz for 18mths and one of the things that really helped being alone was the youth hostels l'd stay in , met people from all over in those and made whatever friends mainly in those too and it's a shame your accommodation is so keep to itselfish . Is there another place like that you could move to ? A different one might be a lot more lively and mingley than yours. One thing l thought too was maybe you could try doing your gaming and stuff in the lounge , even if no one else hangs out there , others might see you and start using it too or have little convos passing through, The lounge and kitchen we always where you met people in the hostels back when and there'd often be just one person but others would come and go when they'd see me or anyone else using it.

My gf is from another country and culture , she's been here 4yrs. Luckily she doesn't really care about friends much so whatever happens in that way doesn't bother her. where she was living before we met though for 3yrs , she eventually made 2 good friends there and they still keep in touch now so that's been nice for her. lt takes time unfortunately ,

Anyway good luck eh and l hope some of the things and suggestions people ahve to say help in some way , hang in there. And pat yourself on the back too for being so brave as to study in another country alone , well done you.

[james1]

Hello notanon,

It sounds like you don't have a strong connection with your roommates and I understand it can be really hard when you do not have the same background. As you say, many uni students tend to live with people from similar groups. My university used to have clubs for people from specific backgrounds, in addition to the rest of the sports/hobbies groups. Not sure if it's something you are interested in, but perhaps your uni has these as well?

Yeah it is certainly hard to get into certain people's social groups, but you are doing the right thing by continuing to attend.

My own experience is that it is easier to make friends in a 1 on 1 setting or at most a small group. Maybe that is just because I do not like big groups, but when I went from high school to uni, I had basically no friends so I was really missing just having one person I could count on.

For me, gaming was a good conversation topic, but it was having regular (but short) catch ups that really helped. One thing I had going with a friend was a weekly pool (billiards) and drinks hour on Friday afternoons. We both liked pool and console games, so we'd catch up for an hour or two each week. Even though it was only short, it was regular and we got to know each other really well over the semester. So I definitely agree with you that time and effort do help, and I also experienced the difficulty of trying to make friends slowly without having a very good friend already.

How was your weekend? We had a long weekend which was nice.

James

[notanon]

Can't believe it's been over a year since I posted this. It may be very late but I want to thank everyone who responded and gave me advice. I also would like to update on what happened.

I ran away completely, and dropped out of the university. I enrolled in a college and kind of restart myself. I try to be more outgoing and I don't know if I made any long lasting friends just yet, but I do talk with my classmates and that alone is currently more than enough.

On one side, I'm still very scared of society's perspective, all my high school friends who know I dropped out of an amazing university (go8) would all ask "why" and some even say "what a pity" or "what a waste" but I do feel much more happier (it's grammatically incorrect but-).

[SammyB]

Hey notanon, just came across your post and read through your thread, it's incredible to see how much can change in a year! I admire the courageous steps you have taken to improve your wellbeing and connect with others among your school community.

Despite having a fresh start at college, it sounds like your success is sometimes weighted down by thoughts of others viewing your decisions in a negative light. We can often feel trapped and fearful of thoughts and ideas about how things ‘should be’ rather than what our true needs are. Is this what you’re feeling? At times we can also seem to place more value on other’s opinions, but how will they hold up over time – will they really matter a few years down the road? If you are happy with the way things are, this should be enough. Wishing you all the best.

Sammy