I'm a student teacher, and I have anxiety and lost my confidence...

[ScarletC]

I'm currently studying abroad in Australia and this would be my fourth year in uni. The first two years were wonderful because I was this naive, oblivious freshman who didn't know any better. I didn't put any effort into studying and actually thought that I would somehow manage to graduate without working hard. Never in my life have I been so wrong. I failed my student teaching last year and realized how little I have done to achieve my goal. I was devastated. I felt horrible. I felt depressed. I thought about ending my life because I thought I was a waste of space and a waste of my parents' money. All my life I've been oblivious to everything around me and I've wasted half of it achieving nothing. But my family and friends never gave up on me. They supported me and lifted me up. They helped me get back on my feet again. Ever since then, I tried to study hard, and my work actually paid off! I got better grades than I first started and I was fairly proud of myself. Being an international student I'm clearly not as smart as the other local students, but I'd like to think I've become a better version of me. Except... I went back to student teaching again. Nothing happened... yet. And that's what's haunting me right now. Failing student teaching has been the source of my various anxiety attacks. Ever since that day, I get anxiety attacks every now and then for every little thing. Now, going back to student teaching, I realized that I lost all my confidence as a teacher. Even when I told myself that I have improved as a person and in studies, to me, student teaching is a totally different thing. I have imagined 101 scenarios where I could fail and became TERRIFIED to walk into the classroom. The night before my first day, I was so worried that I became nauseous, my head hurt as if it split in two, and I could barely sleep because of all this discomfort. I am scared to death. There's nothing I can do to stop my fear. I may need some help...

[PamelaR]

Hi Scarlett

Welcome to Beyond Blue forums. I'm glad you've been able to find your way here for help. Anxiety can be debilitating and can affect many aspects of our lives. Thank you for sharing your story, it takes a lot of courageous. You've done very well.

I'm not a health professional, but I am someone who has PTSD, anxiety and depression. One of the biggest hurdles I've had to overcome in my career was to be able to stand in front of a group of people and speak confidently. It took me years to master it. I never let it beat me, no matter how much my heart beat, or I sweated or my mouth went dry. It only built my resolve to keep trying and to get better. So how did I do this.

Initially I became an announcer for a Community radio station (so people couldn't see me).

Progressed to do MC work at a local folk club.

Lastly I did a 5 week training course on developing the ability to stand in front of people to deliver a presentation. The best learnings I had from this course were:

• remember, people often will remember you more for how you are than what you say. So focus on standing still, keeping hands and body relaxed.
• ground your feet. Do you do yoga? It's a really good way to ground yourself. So while you are standing in front of people, keep feet still, imagine them attached to the floor and sinking into the floor.
• practise, practise, practise what you are going to present to a class. Know what you are going to say, have your notes with you so you can use them as cues. Presentations don't just happen for some of us. Practise in front of a mirror, in front of family or friends who can give you some feed back. Don't be afraid of the feedback. Learn from it.
• the more you do it, the better you get and the less anxiety you'll have.

I found that it took awhile before I no longer experienced 'excessive anxiety'. A little anxiety is good for you. Before retiring I was able to present to an audience of 100 more people with a slight degree of anxiety before hand. Once up and going I was fine. But it takes time, patience, effort and the will to succeed. I believe you have all these qualities - that's why you're here studying. So don't let the anxiety win.

Beyond Blue has some resources for managing anxiety. Go to their home page and search for 'tips for managing anxiety'.

Let me know how you get on.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[Croix]

Dear Scarlet Cheah~

Discovering that you were failing and realizing you had not worked hard enough would have been a great shock, and would have made you doubt yourself. Now you have to realize you are a different person.

An awful lot of you people do not work at uni, and of those only a small number realize they are making a big mistake and start to try hard. You are one of those people. Look at it this way. Two years spent to find out about yourself and what is important is not a big price to pay. It is a very valuable part of you life experience.

You have used that experience to turn things around and succeed at your studies. Whatever your actual age that makes you a mature adult. Somebody who can be relied upon, somebody who justifies the faith your family and friends have in you. You are now worthy of respect.

There is one thing you said which is wrong. "Being an international student I'm clearly not as smart as the other local students". I taught at uni for a very long time and found most international students were just like all the local ones, no better no worse. The only handicap many had was that English was not their first language. They succeeded despite that.

If I understand you nothing bad has happened with hte teaching, it is only you worry that something bad will. I would suggest as a temporary measure you see a doctor and talk about the nausea, headaches and insomnia.

There are things you can do, Exercise, nutritious food, trying to get sleep, and doing things that make you feel good and distract you - all are important. Have a look at:

Forums / Anxiety / SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING ANXIETY

Where you can read what others have done. I'd also recommend the free smartphone app called Smiling Mind. With practice it really helps to stop you feeling overwhelmed.

Both PamelaR and I would like to hear from you again

Croix

[Donte]

Hello ScarletC,

Welcome to beyondblue Multicultural experiences forum.

This is a safe and supporting environment where you can share your experiences and discuss with others who at in similar situations.

We are not counselors and the forums cannot provide advice or solutions but if you need to explore more supports, this website provides one-on-one chats that are private and confidential and also various other resources, materials and information, including referral services for further support.

So, you are at the right place to start exploring various strategies that can help you cope and manage your stress, feelings, anxiety etc.

Often, simply talking about it, sharing how it feels for you and being listened to by others who have similar experiences can help towards the right direction.

Let me say as an ex-teacher and someone who suffers from anxiety, depression and panic attacks, I know how it feels walking into a classroom, and/or doing your practical experience in a school. It can be a terrifying experience indeed.

Additionally, you are an overseas student trying to find your way around and navigate the complex systems and services not only of the academic environment but also of living and surviving in this society and learning about the norms of engagement etc. These are very tough things to experience.

Having the additional stress of not disappointing your parents and family who has invested a lot in you and your academic future can be a very heavy weight to carry.

Of course, the environment you live in, your diet, rest, exercise, friendships and relationships etc can also affect you positively or negatively, and these often are not priorities when you are an overseas student with a goal in mind and trying to achieve so much within the deadlines you’ve been given. So, don’t neglect yourself and be kind to your self.

I understand where you are coming from, however, we are human beings, not human doings. Most people discover upon commencing studies that this may not be what they thought. You are aloud to change your mind. If Teaching is not for you, explore different options that you find fulfilling and enjoyable.

Personally, I have change careers four times and still learning and studying!

If you haven’t talked to a doctor yet, I’d suggest you have a chat too. They can direct you to the right supports. And please keep chatting here with us. X

[Donte]

Hello PamelaR,

(and hi ScarletC)

Thank you for these lovely suggestions. I find these strategies very helpful and I’ll keep them in mind as my anxiety runs rampant at times and has an impact on my life and work and the way I engage with others.

Also, describing your gradual, step by step progress is very useful for someone like me who tends to often get overwhelmed by the big picture and am unable to break things down in little practical steps.

I hope ScarletC finds these helpful too.

Thank you for sharing and reminding us that indeed, there are several things we can do to manage this terrible condition. X

[Donte]

Hello Croix, (and everyone else),

What a useful response!

I agree! The realization of were you used to be, where you are now and refocusing on your long term goals by taking small short-term steps to develop strategies to reach your potential is a worthwhile and valuable experience and worthy of respect. Many people take a whole lifetime or never arrive at that!

Well done ScarletC for arriving to this understanding about who you are and what you’d like to change in order to become what you have chosen and to make yourself and everyone around you who believes in you and knows you can do it feel proud about your achievements! This is one of the greatest learnings and you’ve already mastered it. (Provided that this indeed is your dream and not pushing yourself to make others happy).

Croix, I wasn’t aware that there is an APP - Smiling Mind - to assist with anxiety. I will check it out now. It will be great to have something so practical on my phone to remind me and provide support whenever I need it just by a simple click on the screen.

Technology is amazing in that regard! Even these valuable and useful discussions wouldn’t be possible without technology which connects us and brings us together no matter where we may be!

I’m very thankful to be part of this wonderful online community of people who understand the challenges and provide support via this forum.

Thank you all. X

[Donte]

Hello PamelaR,

Last night I had a counseling session and my counselor among other things talked to me about grounding my feet! We practiced in the session. Very good and useful technique!

She also talked to me about the ‘bucket’ analogy. Visualizing your inner capacity as a bucket where all the anxieties, fears, stress etc goes in until is full. In order to not overfill, we need to open a way (like a tap) where all these can be emptied. Breathing, meditation, grounding, walking, resting, support systems, socialization, diet, hobbies, exercise etc can be ways to assist emptying the ‘bucket’ and preventing an outburst.

Some of these things I already knew but I forget to practice. The idea is to practice daily and during times when I’m not stressed or anxious so I can prevent the anxiety attack. It does take practice. It’s not easy be aware constantly and in the moment in tune with your feelings all the time, but it’s a process. I think the more we practice, the easier it gets. X