Harassed in the park and down the street. How seemingly insignificant events can affect us as time goes by...

[Donte]

A couple of weeks ago, during a beautiful, sunny afternoon, I was with my dog at the local park when something unprecedented happened.

Initially, even though, I felt a bit shaken, didn’t give much attention to the event or its seriousness, and neither did I know then, how much it will be affecting me weeks later.

Often, this is the case: we are not prepared for something that suddenly unfolds in front of our eyes and don’t know how to react. Later, upon dwelling on what happened we usually come up with responses but that’s only in hind sight.

So, let me explain the incident: While walking with my little dog and throwing the ball, he would jump up and turn around and bark in excitement and anticipation as always. Ball games are his favorite. We were in a dog-off leash park with many dogs around, barking, running, chasing etc and doing the things dogs do when they are off lead.

At one point I crossed paths with someone who appeared to be talking on the phone or to himself but carried on walking without paying particular attention. I didn’t realize he was actually talking to me.

Further down, we came to a nice shady spot and sat under a tree to rest. It was getting hot. I found the opportunity to check my phone and as my dog took a few breaths, drunk some water and rested, he started barking playfully, letting me know that it was time for more ball games.

I started waving the stick up in the air and he barked in excitement. At that point the person I had crossed paths earlier started approaching me and started shouting at me, calling me names and swearing aggressively.

I felt threatened and scared but I looked elsewhere after telling him that this is a dog park and dogs bark.

He walked away carrying on with profanities and in an abusive manner.

The next day, I saw a note posted on the park’s notice board accusing me for being narcissistic and not caring about the impact I have on others.

Yesterday, I saw the same person again at the supermarket. At the exit, he started calling me names and swearing at me referring to that park incident again.

Not sure what to do. I feel afraid. Clearly he’s local. This is not going to just go away it seems. I don’t have his picture or name or address so I don’t know if reporting to the police would do anything. But I progressively have lost my sleep, feel anxious to go outside, and really unease about this whole situation.

How would you deal with this harassment from your perspective? What would be your response?

[Summer Rose]

Hi Donte

I'm sorry that you find yourself in such a situation. My advice would be to report it in person at the local police station today, if you can. The officer should take a report; if he/she hesitates be assertive. This will achieve three things.

First, you will have started a paper trail should this person's behaviour escalate. Second, it is possible, given that the man is local, that he could be known to police. Be prepared to give a solid description. This might not be the first time he has behaved this way. Third, ask the police for advice and get a clear understanding of your rights in such a situation. I suspect harassment of this nature is a civil matter but if he crosses the line it could become criminal but I don't know for sure.

In future, I would do my best to steer clear of him or move yourself towards other people, shops, etc if you see him coming. It could also help (down the track with the police) to take his picture or record his behaviour with your phone next time you meet.

In the meantime, go about your business but with extra caution. Do not allow this person to take your neighbourhood from you but be more aware of your surroundings--no headphones, no short cuts through quiet areas, perhaps carry your keys in an easily accessible pocket as these could be used to defend yourself, if necessary,etc.

I'm hoping that now that he's vented it will pass. Time will tell. Take good care x

[Donte]

Thank you Summer Rose.

I did go to the local police station today and reported the incident.

I have been told that the only offence he has done is swearing at me in public. Police advised me to take a picture or video next time he approaches me but try not to let him see me doing this and if I can find out where he lives then I can give them his address and they can investigate. If this harassment continues then I could apply for an intervention order against him.

The rest is exactly what you have mentioned too. Very disturbing but I'm trying to breathe and not let it get to me. X

PS: I have also kept record on my phone of all the dates and pictures of the poster/note he put up and have written a post on Facebook which hopefully could help the police in the event things escalate.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Donte

That all sounds good.

Isn't it amazing that the only offence police see is swearing? How about intimidation? Menacing? Being a public nuisance?

If you can find out where he lives and this continues maybe prior to taking out an intervention order the police could pay him a visit and tell him to knock it off. Just a thought. The police did this for me once (dispute with an angry tradesman) and it worked.

The diary sounds great. You could also record the names of any witnesses to future events. Could be helpful.

Stay safe. Stay strong. Stay positive x

[J_M_12345]

What a terrible situation to be in Donte'! Summer Rose has given good advice and I think you have done the right thing reporting to police. I don't have much to add other than the generic take care, remain near crowded places if possible, speak up whenever you feel there's something unusual and keep your phone with you in case it's required. But I'd be so frightened if that were me so your fear is quite normal! As Summer Rose said though, try not let it get to you. We're here to chat to whenever you need xx Josette

[Donte]

Thank you JM,

It's bizarre feeling that fear, this anxiety,...to become aware and look around you every time you are down the street, at the park, at the shops...To be alert. No not be able to relax! Especially at the park! The one place where daily I find solace.

Today I saw someone resembling that guy, walking down the street and while he was approaching me I could feel my heat racing and in my mind I was thinking of appropriate responses in the event it was him...(it wasn't). At the moment it seems something has changed in me, even though, I try to not avoid the places I used to go or do things differently. I do not want this incident to affect me and my way of life but I guess it has for now.

My daughter tells me I've been screaming in my sleep and talk to myself. I can't remember much in the morning but I must be truly stressed.

On one hand I'd like to see this man again and have the opportunity to talk and tell him to stop, and that I've been to the police already. On the other, I wish I never see him again.

Funny enough, my mother used to tell me, while growing up, that no one ever bothers you unless you bother them first! It's interesting how childhood notions resurface when something happens to us decades later...

[Donte]

Thank you Summer Rose,

Without trying to minimize the significance of this event and the way it has affected me; admittedly, while waiting for forty minutes to talk to the police (there was only one police woman at reception as all the force were at the Grand prix), there was a woman in front of me describing a terrible domestic violence situation, another lady next to me was crying and talking on the phone about being sexually assaulted and a guy behind me told someone that he was assaulted by a drug addict on ice...

Made me think that there are so many other important and worse incidents taking place that made mine seem as if I was wasting the police's time...f course, i wasn't. I'm glad I talked to them. Time will show what happens next.

[Donte]

Hi all,

So, the other day I saw this guy again walking in the park with a woman. They were taking a stroll and seemed relaxed and at ease in each other’s company. My heart started racing but I kept walking. They didn’t appear to have seen me.

A couple of days later, I saw the same woman walking a dog in the park, near where the incident had taken place. The man wasn’t with her this time.

I took the courage and approached her asking her about the guy. I told her what had happened to me and she was appalled by the incident. She knows he has a lot of issues and doesn’t tolerate people or animals but couldn’t believe his reaction!

She assured me that I’m in no danger by him. He has a lot of mental health issues she told me and living in the city is too much for him. They used to go out together but now have broken up as she wasn’t able to tolerate his condition. He is moving up north. She doubts that I’ll ever see him again.

I felt good overall to be able to approach this woman, and to explain what had happened and how threatened and shocked I felt as a result of this verbal harassment.

It was just good to find out more about him and to be listened to and to be reassured that I’m in no immediate danger. It sort of calmed me down a bit.

As someone suffering from anxiety and panic attacks, it is such a relief to having had the opportunity to talk to someone who knows this guy and to let them know of the impact this event has had in my life.

I feel if I happen to see him again now, things would be easier and I could get the courage to adress him and have a friendly chat similar to the one I had with his ex girlfriend.

It’s nice when life gives us this opportunity to revisit and rectify certain issues that have been tormenting us. It’s like a second chance. Some fresh air. It gives us courage and we can put somethings to sleep.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Donte

Congratulations for your courage and initiative to speak with the abusive man's friend. I'm glad you got some "fresh air" but I'm even happier that he is moving far away. Just want you to be safe, my friend x

[Donte]

Thank you Summer Rose,

Is not often in life we get the chance to have some closure.

I’m glad too that I spoke up.

Maybe this help me next time I feel threatened and harassed to be more assertive and not internalize the trauma. X