Multicultural experiences

The STIGMA – Gambling and mental health issues in my community

replies: 3

People with gambling issues within many communities are often perceived as failures in every facet of life. they are judged as weak, irresponsible, unreliable ad manipulative. Due the above factors community members are often reluctant to even admit ... View more

People with gambling issues within many communities are often perceived as failures in every facet of life. they are judged as weak, irresponsible, unreliable ad manipulative. Due the above factors community members are often reluctant to even admit there is a gambling issue. Tribal, collectivist community dynamics have lead community members to insulate this issue in fear of “public/community opinion” and judgement. Traditionally, in my ethnic background, Greek “Kafeneia” – Café hangouts – have been considered as “dark places” where males who are “useless, lazy & washouts” tend to gather for hours on a daily basis. This also happens in shopping centres in Australia. Since the establishment of Crown and gaming venues in Victoria there has been an acute influx in female community members, many of them elderly or disabled or living with a mental illness presenting serious problem gambling issues. Shame can act as a barrier to seeking help. Even where gambling help services assure anonymity they can’t always engage with these individuals as they live in fear of information being leaked to their community. This means that relatives of these community members are unable to provide assistance to the gambler until the situation reaches crisis point. Once a community member has been identified as gambler this has a direct impact on the entire family’s prospects in business, marriage and social status. Often there are also mental health issues associated with gambling and additional stigma. There are countless examples of a gambler’s entire family being isolated and ostracized from the community. This harassment and bullying deeply affects many individuals and families and are often responsible for the mental illness that surfaces. The aim of this thread is to seek factual information about the causes/ triggers of addiction of gambling and to de- stigmatize it within the community (Greek and mainstream). What's your experience? Have you noted that in your community members are a lot more comfortable talking about drug abuse than gambling? This is common in my community.

Ignorance is bliss

replies: 5

Salutations to my fellow unacquainted friends. I understand we all live in some sort of state of despair and we all attempt to help eachother, here I am today, beseeching you to assist my emptiness, my pain and suffering. I have Asian parents, parent... View more

Salutations to my fellow unacquainted friends. I understand we all live in some sort of state of despair and we all attempt to help eachother, here I am today, beseeching you to assist my emptiness, my pain and suffering. I have Asian parents, parents who lived their life in a whole different learning environment, differing from the Australian curriculum. I for one, being commendable for their endurance, but the worst part is their lack of emotions they possess - making them less understandable of their children; me. They expect great fruition eversince they sent me to a private school, however, I understood their principles and decided to follow their steps. It didn't work out well, as I wasn't born a prodigy, no talents, nothing whatsoever. As a normal human being, I tried my hardest to earn the scores to their satisfaction, real hard, the effort was at its max. But the final realisation- the scores didn't reflect well on my parents, so I tried harder and harder until I was drained of motivation. I'm getting satisfactory levels, and I'm sure you are all squabbling about, "Some people are a lot worse than you," but that's not the point, because for a fact, I know their parents don't even care - being almost carefree, whilst I am always under dictation of my parents. They never really saw how much effort I put in, so now I stop attending school as I can no longer muster enough energy to go. It's a shame my school really looks at us as we are pawns for the bigger game, they informed my parents that I school concede my education as no certification of illness was found, yet, to them "depression" is not an illness. I had a talk with my mum, saying the pressure was immense and all the misdeeds you have done has caused my well being to deteriorate, and I thought they understood but they did not. On the other hand, my sister had a sufficient amount of talents, scoring an ATAR of 92 - for them it was trash. And now they are wagering me to get a better score. Studying hard is one thing but doing that whilst being depressed is going to be difficult. Going to school is a life long commitment and it's prevalent for people to lose their motivation, but I chose to stand my ground, I believe suicide is not the answer but that belief is slowly drifting away into the abyss. You people are now the foundation of my core, the people whom I can relate to. It is an honour to meet brave people who can voice their worries. Now, I feel a chunk of burden has been lifted off my back.

My aunty is caring for husband with dementia can't cope anymore.

replies: 4

An aunty of mine cares for her husband who has dementia. She doesn’t get much rest and she's often feeling very tired and overwhelmed. She is afraid of leaving him in the house alone. To keep him safe she sometimes shuts him in the bedroom while she ... View more

An aunty of mine cares for her husband who has dementia. She doesn’t get much rest and she's often feeling very tired and overwhelmed. She is afraid of leaving him in the house alone. To keep him safe she sometimes shuts him in the bedroom while she is out getting groceries. Some days are worse like when my uncle pushed her the other day and she fell over. Her children have visited less and less since their father became ill. She feels tired mentally, can't rest, unable to sleep no matter how exhausted she is and often feels helpless and hopeless. She's really scared about my uncle and what's going to happen to him and also for her own future once he's gone. In many communities it is traditional for the family to care for their older or frail members. Accepting help from outside the family can be seen as shameful or a failure. This can be exacerbated by a lack of culturally relevant services, or previous negative experiences of seeking help outside the family. There can be a lack of understanding and stigma around some illnesses. This can result in avoiding the older person or neglecting their care. As in many patriarchal cultures, the role of caring is given to women and there can be strong expectations from the family and wider community that they will fulfil this role. Older women may feel social pressure to continue or feel resigned to their situation. The extended family and community may prefer and reinforce traditional expectations even when they clash with the needs of an individual. They may or may not realise the impact of expressing their views on a person in an abusive situation. Intergenerational differences around expectations of caring for the older person may exist. A person may continue in an abusive situation because they are not aware of other options or supports. Some older people in ethnic communities had arranged marriages. Love did not always grow between such couples. Whether it was an arranged or love marriage, a couple may have a history of abuse. This could be a habit of shouting at each other and slamming doors, through to physical violence. Where there is a history of abuse, it is likely to get worse with the introduction of a condition such as dementia. Loss and grief may go unrecognised due to feelings of duty to family members. If the emotions around a significant illness are unacknowledged, the emotional needs of the carer may not be met. This may impact on their capacity to provide adequate care.

Alone in an aged care facility where nobody speaks your language.

replies: 2

A growing number of older people who speak languages other than English are accessing aged care services as families, relatives and carers are unable or not willing to look after them like was traditionally expected. Communication is the single great... View more

A growing number of older people who speak languages other than English are accessing aged care services as families, relatives and carers are unable or not willing to look after them like was traditionally expected. Communication is the single greatest barrier faced by aged care services in providing quality service to older people from non-English speaking backgrounds. As 39% of the 65+ yo population is born overseas and either doesn't speak English, has limited English proficiency or reverts to the native tongue due to the aging process and illnesses that affect cognition, like dementia etc., the issue of mental health and undiagnosed/unmanaged/untreated mental illness among this group cannot be ignored. Entering residential care can be a very unsettling experience for everyone. The fear of the unknown, feelings of inadequacy, rejection, sadness and loss, having to leave your home forever, often against your will, and enter a facility from which you'll never exit alive are daunting and horrible realities that can affect one's mental health. If you are unable to communicate your feelings, you have no choices or control over your life and your own future. The quality of life and quality of care for older people are both diminished when choices available to them are limited. Often people are judged based on their English language skills. Assumptions are often made about a 'group' of people. Cultural and religious notions can be important for many elderly who cannot communicate their needs (including food, fasting periods, eating habits, times for meals etc). Culture and religion may influence how many people respond to family obligations, aging, aged care, mental illness, disease, disability and death. How do we make sure that elderly from diverse backgrounds feel comfortable in stating their needs and that we do our best to address these? How can we try to learn and understand about mental illness in other cultures when there are more than 200 ethnicities in Australia? And, how can we make sure we don't label or stereotype people, keeping in mind that not everyone identifies or is connected with their own culture or community? I am aware that what is considered acceptable in terms of behavior and social etiquette varies among different cultures. I do not believe that accomodating special needs of people amounts to giving them preferential treatment. I believe that some practices can disadvantage people from non-dominant backgrounds. Any thoughts?

Being used

replies: 1

Hello I have just moved to the city, which is great. Walking distance to most places, only bus for church and cat café. I have a new sub-let we get on ok. just last couple of weeks, I feel he is seriously taking advantage of my friendship or using me... View more

Hello I have just moved to the city, which is great. Walking distance to most places, only bus for church and cat café. I have a new sub-let we get on ok. just last couple of weeks, I feel he is seriously taking advantage of my friendship or using me be another term. He is Korean-American, we was going to help each other out with citzenships, I told him the other day I wish to get Korean citizenship, on my own. I travel there every year for a holiday and that is that, I love it there it is awesome place, been there 4 times this year will be my 5th trip back. I am helping him manage the new place he has just leased out while he is managing another. Mainly to show people their rooms, give them keys or collect if they leave of course and to report any damage, etc to the property. I have an intellectual disability that I have had all my life, and it hurts when they don't believe you. I explained it to him and nothing sinks in. I just got told I got carpal tunnel syndrome from all the lifting the last few days, offered to show my medical report from the hospital, he just did not care. Was told not to do any heavy lifting for a week, and yesterday made me push a heavy fridge. He has called me names, he has almost evicted me. But got saved thanks to my pastor. He was upset I humiliated him on Facebook, I did a quiz bout True Friends vs Fake Friends and I shared it and he thinks I humiliated him. I was curious way he has been treating me. I have no where to go, I can't afford bond or rent for a new place due to me saving for seoul, I have my airfare and booked my accommodation. Now just saving for spending, which takes me 7 months to do in total anyways. He makes me cry all the time. He complains when I do! He is worse than my folks who have been known to bully their own flesh and blood Please help, I have messaged unity housing and affordable housing I will look for new place when I get back from seoul end of October. Any advice please Kylie P

Advice on raising bilingual children

replies: 41

Hello everyone, Our household is bilingual. Hubby has only ever spoken Polish at home to our kids. They (Miss 3 and Mr 4) speak and understand both languages (Polish and English). But my dilemmas... 1. They start Polish school soon and I have to take... View more

Hello everyone, Our household is bilingual. Hubby has only ever spoken Polish at home to our kids. They (Miss 3 and Mr 4) speak and understand both languages (Polish and English). But my dilemmas... 1. They start Polish school soon and I have to take them. And my Polish is almost non existent so I'm starting to feel very anxious about it. 2. Mr 4 has worked out he can manipulate me because he knows I don't always understand. I'm feeling pretty stupid to be honest. Languages are not a talent of mine and believe me I have been trying. Has anyone else managed raising kids with multiple languages? How did you cope? What helps? Any advice would be welcome. Nat

My husband doesn't like my family

replies: 5

I am Chinese, my husband is Australian. I am from a family that really close to each other, we all living together with grandparents since I was born. Couple of years ago My parents helped us with 100k for buying our first house, I have discussed thi... View more

I am Chinese, my husband is Australian. I am from a family that really close to each other, we all living together with grandparents since I was born. Couple of years ago My parents helped us with 100k for buying our first house, I have discussed this with my husband in the beginning that my parents will live in the granny flat when my parents are old and need care. Recently, we just had a baby, my husband's family is so broken,his father left him before he was born. If my family dynamic is "Too close" his will be "Too distance "So only help we can get is from my family. Currently,my parents are living with us on the same floor(granny flat is renting out,lease has other half year to go). And my husband had a lots of fights with me about how my family living here invaded his privacy and the balance of life has gone completely. He constantly showing an annoyed face to them because they didnt follow the"house rule" ,stuff like turning the power point off if it's not in use, wash dishes in full water sink at once,dont wash them under flow water. My parents are trying to adapt themselves, but the old habit or lifestyle sometimes is hard to change in a short time. My husband doesn't show much patience for this. And my parents are very pissed off as well because they think he is mean to them,doesn't respect them ,don't treat them like family and not grateful about their financial help. As a Chinese,I can not "Abandon" my parents in China when they are old and need care. And my husband doesn't want them to live closely with us. One of the possible solutions is leaving him. Because I would never left my parents behind no matter who I am be with. And I felt he said one thing in the beginning but actually doing opposite when it is happening. Now I don't think he actually means that the granny flat is for my parents. I felt like I have been tricked so as my family. It's already hard to look after the new born baby, and meanwhile I have to put up with this. Really had enough.

I have nothing

replies: 2

Ive recently been fired from a job, im almost 31 and feel like i have nothing in my life. I moved to australia 5 years ago but feel like i have no friends, no family, no passion for anything, no job now, dont own my own home and feel unhappy in my re... View more

Ive recently been fired from a job, im almost 31 and feel like i have nothing in my life. I moved to australia 5 years ago but feel like i have no friends, no family, no passion for anything, no job now, dont own my own home and feel unhappy in my relationship. I just dont know what to do with my life right now, nothing makes me happy and i feel like a failure

How childhood beliefs from other cultures influence your life in Australia

replies: 11

I grew up in a culture where the beliefs that 'whatever happens in the home stays in the home' and 'the world is evil and no one wants you to succeed' have impacted on the way people relate and deal with issues within the family, often excluding othe... View more

I grew up in a culture where the beliefs that 'whatever happens in the home stays in the home' and 'the world is evil and no one wants you to succeed' have impacted on the way people relate and deal with issues within the family, often excluding others and rejecting external supports. This affects directly not only the person struggling to understand their mental illness but also the family, friends and relatives and everyone that surrounds them. Many people who have migrated in Australia continue operating under the same belief systems they embraced in the society where they grew up. Those first impressions and knowledge of the world around us, coloured by the familial, cultural and religious spectrum is at the core of our thinking and acting and influences who we are, no matter how many times we migrated and how many languages we learnt or qualifications we achieved. If you carry in your core value a belief that says 'the world is evil and everyone is out there to get you' it makes sense that you will try to protect yourself and loved ones from the 'world'. It makes sense that you won't open up and talk about your issues or whatever troubles your family. You won't easily reach out. You won't want to be ridiculed, judged, criticised, marginalized, discriminated, disadvantaged etc. How have notions from early childhood and growing up in a different culture, tradition, beliefs etc have influenced the way you live today here in Australia? How have these affected your ability to reach out? To include others in your struggle? To seek professional help?

Do you speak my language?

replies: 12

Many migrants find themselves socially isolated as they may not speak English very well and there may not be any neighbors or friends nearby who are of the same ethnicity. Their children may be living far away, their relatives may be overseas and the... View more

Many migrants find themselves socially isolated as they may not speak English very well and there may not be any neighbors or friends nearby who are of the same ethnicity. Their children may be living far away, their relatives may be overseas and they may lack the traditional supports available in their homeland. Like most people, they may at some stage in their lives be faced with difficulties which may effectively be dealt with by talking to a professional and experienced Counsellor, who can assist in developing strategies and ways of dealing with personal and relationship/family issues. This is particularly important for non-English people who may not have the traditional supports. But, how does one find out about these supports? And are there linguistically and culturally sensitive bicultural professionals who can assist them in a time of need? I’m talking about people who won’t access this forum as they are not computer literate or English proficient. Any ideas on how to engage them? What would you recommend to someone who needs help and is in this category?

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Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section

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