Wishing for a friend to talk to

[dragonflies]

Hi,

I feel alone. I'm 19 and I have no friends anymore. No one to confide in, trust, or share my life with. I just want someone to talk to. Someone who gets me and who I can relate to and vice versa. I find it hard trying to make friends. I dread the process of getting to know someone completely for who they are. It takes so much time and effort. I have only ever been hurt in the past after making such close friends and having them just drift away from you without a care in the world.

Does anyone feel like this too?

dragonflies

[Doolhof]

Hi dragonflies, Padfoot and Everyone Reading,

Funny thing about asking people out and expectations.

Even in long term relationships, families and marriages expectations are not always met.

I ask my husband if we can go away for a weekend together, he will tell me he is actually planning to go interstate with a mate next month so can't really afford it right now.

That is when I ask my girlfriends or sister what they are to and plan a get away.

I could feel miserable my husband has made other plans or organise something for myself.

All the best with relationships and expectations! Happy and excited nerves are fun!

Cheers all from Dools

[Padfoot02]

Hey Dragon,

I figured out the answer. It’s not what I was hoping for (no). But the thing that hit me harder than the answer, is how I figured it out.

We were in math and because we have a seating plan, I was sitting behind her. She was talking to a friend and I overheard the talking about me behind my back (the irony is real) and they were talking about excuses she could use when she inevitably rejects me.

So that ruined my day. But we had our Remembrance Day ceremony today and because I’m with the cadets, I had to be one of the backup people (in case someone feels like they might faint) and ironically I felt like I was gonna faint.

Have you got any advice for next time I ask a girl out.

thanks in advance,

Padfoot.

[dragonflies]

Hey Padfoot,

Sorry for my late response.

I'm sorry to hear it panned out like that. What she did was nasty. I hope you've been feeling okay. Cliche to say this, but - she was definitely not worth it if that is how she behaved. I dislike how girls talk that way and aren't considerate of others. Makes me upset to think about that.

How was the Remembrance Day ceremony?

I wish I had good advice to give! I am not sure. I've never asked someone out myself. Hmm, I like to chat with a person for a while (msg/talk), to see if we click and enjoy talking to one another. When the time feels right I would suggest something for us to do, or to hang out and that I'd like to catch up sometime. There'll be less pressure on the situation, like instead of having to hear a straight up yes or no to a direct question, it could flow and slowly build up. I would be upset if someone treated you like that girl has. It is unkind and mean.

I do find it sad that it's not as common for people to go up to strangers/friends etc and ask them out like I imagine it used to be. Maybe because we have social media and online messaging. People can practically get to know part of someone else without even meeting them or talking to them. Scary... But it's just how it seems to go these days. Or maybe not, I could be wrong. I still think you've done great by asking her out. Try think of it as practice/experience. One down.

There are lovely girls out there, girls who will be perfect for you. Just keep continuing to stay encouraged to find her, because she'll be out there! No need to set expectations of yourself or to be hard on yourself. Sometimes when I haven't been determined to look for anything (though still putting myself somewhat out there) something just popped up.

Keep focusing on you whilst waiting for that next gal who catches your eye! I hope this advice is okay - it is just my view of things. But what do you think about dating and asking people out?

Hope to hear from you soon.

SN, LuLu - How have you both been? Any news on your side?

dragonflies

[LuLu_]

Hi Dragonflies

I am not doing so great. I just finished school and I feel that all my friends have already forgotten about me. I don’t think I have the energy to hold my friendships together. I feel that it’s all my fault for distancing myself. I feel like I always think about them and I don’t cross their minds at all. I am always the one to initiate conversation but now I don’t feel I can.

I am doing okay though. I suppose i will be fine soon. But i am predicting the next few months will be quite lonely for me.

How have you been travelling?

Are you quite an open person or a private person? I am just curious because i am struggling talking to my psychologist. I am struggling to open up. I suppose i am frightened that i will uncover something hurtful and I won’t be able to deal with it very well.

I hope to talk to you soon. Sorry I didn’t talk to you sooner I just felt I couldn’t initiate conversation. Perhaps I’m being selfish again and trying to get attention. Goodness I dislike how I do that.

Talk soon

lulu

[Padfoot02]

Hey Dragon,
Thanks for the reply. Whether it’s late or not, it’s still helpful.
I think asking someone out is one of the hardest things to do, as most of us are afraid of being rejected. But I found out that they weren’t talking about me. They were talking about another guy who had asked her out.
But I’ve found something to distract me from people which is modifying my sonic screwdriver from Doctor Who, I’m making it more accurate to the tv show.
What are your plans for the weekend?
Hope you have a good one,
Padfoot.

[dragonflies]

Congrats on finishing school LuLu!

Same thing happened to me. Felt like the girls couldn't care less about me and were only 'friends' with me because we had to see each other at school. These girls weren't true friends. Dad told me after school I would meet many different people. I'd branch out from the safe bubble of school girls and meet all sorts of people and have different friendship groups. Are you planning on going to uni? Do you enjoy any activities? - you could join a club or something? (I wish I could take my own advice in that haha cause it's hard). It isn't anyone fault for distancing, it can just happen. In time, you will all catch up - it won't be the last time you see them.

I've had a sad couple weeks feeling upset, careless. My dad sat me down with my sister and said I'm not pleasant to live with - because while I'm on this 'journey' (of getting better) I'm attacking everyone and am self absorbed. Really upset me because before I got down my dad would always tell me I was horrible and that I need to change etc. Now that I'm not ridiculously depressed I'm hearing the same comments. Makes me feel like I shouldn't feel ok because Im not a good person and therefore I shouldn't put myself around anyone or make any relationships. I don't know how I can change. It just feels like me - Im always going to be this way so I just don't want to be anything

Im very private personally. Im amazed at how I can open up on this forum. I feel the same way about uncovering something in psych. I get really upset at my psych appts (had 3 now) because I don't want to think about anything. However, I am open with my psych because I'm curious of what can come out of it. I don't believe in the process so I'm giving it a go to see if it can help. I tell her what goes through my mind, try to be direct. I question what she says - I ask why? or what do you mean? When she tells me something I'll actually say well look if I'm being honest I was nodding to everything you were saying but in my mind Im thinking the opposite - just trying to be honest.

Open up as much as you can. They need to know what goes through your mind to effectively help you. Don't be embarrassed or scared. They are with you to work through it, not judge. You can come here and talk about it as much as you'd like. Is there anything you would like to open up about here?

I don't believe you're selfish or attention seeking, I enjoy chatting with you

We can talk about anything you'd like to!

Talk soon

[dragonflies]

Hey Padfoot,

Yeah exactly, it's tough. Especially because we hope for the outcome we want so when we don't get it we feel let down and hurt. Gla they weren't talking about you. Shame for the other guy.

Sounds tricky. How is the modifying going?

Do you have a mate you can hang out with? Or someone to keep busy with?

Not a lot this weekend. Some errands to run. My brother has come over today to hang out because he has hurt his ankle and is couch bound. Think we might go for breakfast then couch and Netflix. Haven't seen him in a while so should be nice to catch up. Otherwise I've been pretty tired and lonely.

What are you plans? Hope you have a good one too.

dragonflies

[LuLu_]

Hi Dragonflies

I have my second year of completing year 12 next year. But I do hope to go to uni. I ride my horses with lots of people I know but I feel I can see them and then go back into my own life where isolation is more comforting.

My dad said similar things. He accused me of treating my parents with contempt and for being selfish and acting like I deserve everything i am given. It hurt me so much. It made me hate myself even more. But I realised these moments where I was distant and not able to talk or interact with my parents was due to the depression inside of me. The darkness was like a fog. It would clear and my parents would think i was fine but it is always there. When it became thicker I started to shift into an apathetic silhouette of myself. I tried to distance myself and the thing my dad should be recognising is that he’s getting mad with something I can’t control. I can’t control if the fog is thick or thin. I can’t control the tides. I can’t control if the waves are barely touching my feet or if they are drowning me. The waves are always there but their nature is always changing.

I understand how these comments can hurt and make you feel like the most horrible person alive but it’s not all you. The way I tried to cope is the let the words bounce off me like I was in a bubble. Sure it hurt but every time they hit me I could move forward. I’d talk about it with my psych and they talked to my parents and explained the mystical ways of depression.

I feel the same. That I don’t believe I will change but also I don’t want to change. Because if I change i will become a new person who I have never met before.

I suppose there are a few thoughts I feel very guilty about. I think about SH or controlling my eating habits so I make myself sicker on purpose. I think it’s because I want to feel. I want to feel the pain rather then nothing at all. It’s selfish because people who suffer from these things aren’t inflicting pain on themselves for self serving reasons.

I am exhausted just thinking about how much I have to confront in my mind

lulu

[dragonflies]

Hey LuLu,

Sorry I should've remembered that you had told me that. Still, congrats for this year and only 1 more to go! So close.

I can relate to everything you said.

I don't see the point in striving for happiness. What even is happiness.

I feel absolutely exhausted lately. I don't want to try anything at the moment or look after myself. I just feel yucky and that I've had enough. I keep thinking about sh. I haven't caved because I've managed to let my scars heal a bit and it would just start the process all over again, making it easier to just continue and shut myself out more. I purposely leave myself with regret. The idea of taking my life keeps entering my mind, more and more as time goes by. When I have to face something or I am challenged I will just fall back to the idea that I need to go. I have had a drop in the past couple weeks. I feel negative again and I don't know if or when it will pass. I don't want to deal with this for the rest of my life it has consumed me and I always want to give up. My perspective on the rest of my life changes with these ups and downs and it is so confusing to believe one then the other over and over - changing back and forth.

I don't know if I can control it either, but isn't that how people say we will be able to get better? Most of the time I don't have the energy to control anything for how I feel. I just let it happen and take over. I've tried many times before to get back up and it takes a lot for me. I don't know how to get the motivation again. Thats why I don't want to change because I think I won't actually be able to for the long run. Why do I have to change as well - like you said, why do we have to 'invent' a whole new person. I can't even see it as changing a part of myself but more like absolutely everything.

I agree, it feels like we have to confront everything all at once and that is overwhelming. Even the idea of how much I have got to confront unsettles me. Seems too far away. I guess it's about confronting things step by step, slowly progressing through it all. Times like these, as silly as it sounds I just can't be bothered. Saying that makes me feel bad because I have been given a lot and I am just too lazy to make an effort. Makes me feel ungrateful and undeserving of the opportunities I have been given.

[Padfoot02]

Hey dragon.

So far the modifying is going well, only burnt myself twice with my hot glue gun. I’ve taken out the unneeded buttons, I’ve run into a minor problem but it’s should be an easy fix.

My plans for the weekend we’re going to Wollongong for my mums birthday (we went there because all our family lives there) which was fun.

My closest mates live in Canberra, but we’re still best friends so I talk to them often.

What did you watch on Netflix? You might need to explain what it’s about if it’s a Netflix exclusive, as our family doesn’t have it.

Hope your brother gets better. (Plus I wouldn’t mind bein couch bound for a while, just means I would miss out on school)

Thank you as allways for the reply,

Padfoot.