Wishing for a friend to talk to

[dragonflies]

Hi,

I feel alone. I'm 19 and I have no friends anymore. No one to confide in, trust, or share my life with. I just want someone to talk to. Someone who gets me and who I can relate to and vice versa. I find it hard trying to make friends. I dread the process of getting to know someone completely for who they are. It takes so much time and effort. I have only ever been hurt in the past after making such close friends and having them just drift away from you without a care in the world.

Does anyone feel like this too?

dragonflies

[startingnew]

My depression, anxiety and ptsd exacerbated by borderline personality disorder. I could never figure out what was missing but these didnt seem to fit me until BPD come along and fit that last piece of the puzzle. Its horrible to have bt it does explain a lot.


I have many reasons for my depression etc but the main ones have been: a dog attack, sexual abuse, the loss of my nan through cancer and other form, the roles and responsibilities I have and being treated like a slave, having no friends nor do I have family support- even in hospital they hated me and thought I was attention seeking after I tried to take my own life, a car accident, 10 different health and mental illness diagnoses which atm im being tested for something else which if it comes back positive then I will never be able to have kids. I will be infertile and not by choice.


I use to loe competing, if you need any tips feel free to ask me. I use to do pony club and compete in the other shows when they come up. I won supreme rider- meaning out of all the classes all the champions of the day right through from the youngest say 6 to the oldest which she was ofter 50, and we all competed and I ended up winning it at age 15. cross country is scary! I only use to do that every now and then as I had a very untrust worthy horse who use to make a game of biting the bit and running away with his rider-uh me lol. Or he would stop at a fence then realise it wasnt scary then cat leap over them.
I dont have a horse of my own now, but was thinking abut getting another one after things settle down and start competing again.


I understand how your feeling, sometimes it is easier to just curl up and thats fine but after that dust yourself off, get back up and do soemthing you like to do or want to do. Keep reaching out for help though. You have us here too.

ok thats post 2 lol

[startingnew]

Hi Dragonflies


im not giving up, im not one to just give up. I can guarnetee ill get knocked back down and who knows how long itll take to get back up but the sun will rise again and it will bring another day. Dont worry its taken me over a yr to even have that thought.


I had no hope one bit and couldnt see past the end end of my nose in a dark tunnel, so im hoping that by shring parts of my story others can see there is hope that things will improve.


Its not easy, it took me a yr to find a psychologist after 6 different ones, the right medications and doasage and really im still working them out but im alitte lore sure about msyelf now then when I was before.


I havent been doing well tbh, a lot of things are going on right now which is explained to the post to lulu but its to everyone but she asked the question so I replied under her name.
Im in the middle of going through a heap of tests and things to see whats going on with my health, my physical conditions- I have a few and will get worse over time which I have to prepare for- and my menaa illnesses. I find the more pain I have the worse my mh status is as well and that works both ways so its quite annoying. Chronic pain is a cow, let me tell you!.


Im glad there are people having an impact on you DF, if you want to ask me anything at all please do so, and ill answer the best way that I can and yes well done for having the courage to join up here.


If you dont mind me asking, what is your age?

[Padfoot02]

Sorry I didn’t get back to you sooner, iv been really busy.

.--. . .--. .- is a lovely name for dog, what breed is she?

I’m hoping that the year that I’m 15 will be a good one. Especially since I’ll be able to try and get my drivers license next year. I’m still counting down the days. How do you prefer to get around, I like to ride my bike because I live on a hill. Enough said.

Judging by how you worded your answer, it sounds like you stopped, which is AMAZING. I wish I could make myself be healthier, but bacon, cake and soft drinks are SOOOO good.

Thanks for the time and effort to keep talking to me, it’s greatly appreciated.

Padfoot

[dragonflies]

Hey Padfoot,

Thats okay, reply whenever you feel like it, no rush.

She is a lagotto. Not many people have heard of them. She is a bit small for a girl and she is white with brown circles on her and a brown head. She is wool so I shear her every now and then and she doesn't shed hair.

I loved riding my bike. I rode everywhere it was a quick way to get around! A couple years ago I had an fall where there was a car and I pulled both brakes, wasn't wearing my helmet and going pretty fast. My bike flipped over forward ways and I hit my head on the edge of a street curb. Sat up with blood dripping down everywhere ! I had such a huge adrenalin rush I didn't really feel anything. Went to hospital to check I didn't have a concussion and was fine. Just a few grazes and a big bump on my head. Still got back on my bike haha.

Now I'm driving around, I've got a car and always burning around in that. Exciting you can start driving. I found it so scary to begin with but after more and more experience my confidence and driving abilities are now pretty good.

Bacon is amazing. Ah one of my favourite foods ever. I'm a little naughty because I'm still eating some bacon. It's meat but I shouldn't really eat it because it's 'processed' but hey gotta live a little.

No worries Padfoot. Thanks for chatting too. How is school going lately?

dragonflies

[dragonflies]

Hey sn,

I hope you know how strong and encouraging you are. You've created a really positive attitude for yourself whilst still acknowledging all the downs and thats a hard thing to do. Sharing parts of your story can definitely give people hope. I think its also healthy for you to share too. For me, sharing, makes me feel less alone and like there is someone out there who cares to even read what I have wrote. Also an outlet.

I'm 19.

Sorry to hear about your health and physical conditions. I agree, that would make dealing with your MI a lot harder. You've got a lot of challenges and obstacles to face in your life and from speaking with you, you have found the right attitude to deal with them face on. Yeah there will always be ups and downs but it makes me happy to hear you not a quitter anymore. Do you ever believe that people are born with their 'problems' for a reason? Or is it just bad luck...

dragonflies

[startingnew]

Hey


I dont find myself anything but an ordinary person who struggles with mental illness just like others here do, who just gets through the days the best they can. Thats all we can do really.
Yes sharing here is good, an outlet, and feeling less alone as well as being able to show others they arent alone either. We are all in this together, even when we feel like we arent.


Hmmm I dont think people are born with these for a reason though I found a quote that helps me get through and thats 'you were given this life because you were strong enough to live it'

whats everyones plans for the weekend??

[Padfoot02]

Hey Dragon,

Schools been pretty good, we had an assembly to day which took WAAAAY too long, but I got four awards during it. THATS A WHOLE FOUR MORE THAN WHAT IV GOT OVER THE ENTIRETY OF YEAR SEVEN AND EIGHT! Finished all my assessments, now we’re mostly watching movies.

Next week is a fundraising week, so out of uniform on Monday (YAAAAY), Melbourne cup on Tuesday, which we get to were “great Gatsby” themed clothes, cake stalls and bbq on Wednesday. So a lot planned just for school next week. I get to skip most of Friday, because I’m selling badges for Legacy (a charity that looks after the widows of soldiers from ww2) with the cadets and it doesn’t finish until lunch time. SCORE!

Talk soon,

Padfoot.

[dragonflies]

Hey Padfoot,

I never really liked assembly, especially when it went overtime too. Congrats on the awards! Four awards in one day is amazing.

Sounds like next week will be a fun one. Best feeling when all assessments are out of the way and you can just relax, have some fun and nothing to worry about. You deserve it after all the handwork you've been putting in.

Hey sn,

Quote is a good one. I like it. Thanks for sharing.

This weekend I am planning on going out Sat night (tomorrow) with a friend from work. I'm a little nervous but I'm sure after a few g&t's I'll be having a blast... No idea what I will wear. I'm always in a large t-shirt so feel awkward in girly clothes. I'll put in some effort and wear some makeup which will make me feel better about the night. Will spend tomorrow cleaning and sorting out the house, as we moved in a couple months ago there is still alot to do with getting things put away, sorted through and organised. We've put some off for a while but motivating myself to get back onto it.

Any plans for your weekend?

[Padfoot02]

Hey Dragon,

have you ever done something that’s made you more nervous the day after you did it than when you actually did it. Because yesterday I asked a girl out, offered her some time to think about her answer because she was about to leave. And because we’re in the same math class I was really nervous as I walked in (I was running a little bit late) but she wasn’t here so that made me less nervous.

thanks for your answer in advance,

Padfoot.

[dragonflies]

Hey Padfoot,

Yeah sure I have. I'm sure everyone experiences feeling like that throughout their lives. You're not alone in that.

Well done you! I always felt bad for guys because societies created this idea where boys 'have to ask the girl'. I imagined it would be so scary and I'd be so nervous if I had to do that. What do you think she'll say? Either way it goes, the fact that you built up the courage and put yourself out there is all that matters. I'm sure overtime there will be girls that say yes AND girls that say no. Just like I've experienced with boys. I think it is unrealistic to think that it'll be a yes every time...

Nerves should calm overtime as you get used to the idea more and more. Especially when you see her next it'll be like a weight lifted off your shoulders. It is probably the unknown at the moment that is making you nervous. Best to just wait it out. I try not to have too many expectations because when I do I am only let down because I expect the best that I could imagine... if that makes any sense?

I try think of different outcomes rather than my ideal outcome. For example, when I'd be with a guy now I think yeah this could definitely go somewhere or definitely not go somewhere haha. Meet in the middle a little I suppose. Helps with lowering my expectations so I'm not constantly disappointed which is what I've always experienced in the past. In saying that, it is also good to have positive expectations and hope for the best - sends out positive energy and gives us a sense of excitement.

Let me know how it goes! Could be an exciting time for you.

dragonflies