What happened doesn't have to define me

[Mia001]

Hi everyone!

I'm new here. Not really sure what to do. Where do I start? Any suggestions?

Mia

[Guest_128]

Hi Mia is this your nest thread to chat on,

worried about you ,what's going on?

[Guest_5218]

Hello Mia. I hope you dont mind me just arriving like this. I read a post from you earlier on the Cafe thread that you needed someone to talk to. I did respond to your post there, but thought I'd follow up here on your support thread.

I have read all of your thread here and know what you are currently going through. I must say ... you are one very brave young lady. But even the bravest among us sometimes need support too. So like Dory earlier, I am here to talk if you would like to.

Perhaps you are feeling a bit rattled from your latest counsellor appointment? Certainly you have a lot going on right now. I would like to help support you, if you'd allow me to.

Sherie xx

[Mia001]

Hi Dory and Sherie,

(and anyone else who's around, you're all welcome!)

Dory - Yes, this is my thread. Nice to see you again 😊

Sherie - You're more than welcome!

Not sure what happened to my post in the BB Cafe but I meant to say could you reply to first time posting: relapsed. But you're right: I do need someone to talk with as well. I was going to post here too, but I havent been able to find the time.

I've just had an appointment with the counsellor again today. I'm booked to see her again on Tuesday. She's going to teach me some relaxation techniques which will be good. I'm also thinking I should write down what happened otherwise I'm never going to tell her. I meant to, but when I get there I'm just scared.

I had a really bad day at work yesterday. As my manager said "I just wasn't with it". I couldn't think, I couldn't process anything, I just took it 1/2 step at a time. I'm just tired of everything. I don't want to think about it but I know ignoring my problems won't fix them. I just don't want to deal with it. And I feel so alone. I can be in a room full of people and I still feel like I'm all by myself. I'm sorry I don't know how to explain it all. I'm just tired. Very tired.

Mia

[White_Rose]

Hello Mia

How did your appointment go? Do you feel you moved along a little?

Yes, it's a good idea to write down your story and simply hand it over to the counsellor. You can write when you feel calm (relatively) and it is easier to write than talk. Once you have the story 'out there' it starts to get easier to talk which leads on to being able to really look at what happened and all the pain and bitterness. Learning some relaxation techniques is useful.

Have you been to see your GP about being tired? It may have a physical cause such as low iron or vitamin B. It's a good idea to check out the body if something is persisting such as tiredness. And it's especially useful if it is able to be cured. A bad day at work seems worse than a bad day at home. I suppose this is because your colleagues can see you being tired. It's less obvious at home.

Feeling alone is part of depression. You are tired so cannot make the effort to join in a conversation. Then you feel invisible which makes you feel worse. A pretty rotten trick to play on us. Get your physical health checked out. I know poor mental health can be exhausting but if there is something you can physically do, even just a small amount, it will help you.

It's great you have some other support people in your life. These are the people we lean on when times get tough. Meeting up for a coffee is a good way to feel refreshed. Nothing like a good natter to blow the cobwebs away.

Mary

[Mia001]

Hi Mary,

My appointment was okay. I was just really stressed and I couldn't bring myself to say what I wanted to say. There's just something holding me back and I'm not sure what it is. Maybe I'm not ready yet. But then again, ready might never come. I'm have a tendency to focus on the small problems and deliberately ignore the cause of it all. I just find it awkward to talk about. I wonder whether I really should be there or whether I'm just overreacting I need to get over it. I guess I'll just have to tell her and find out.

Its not so much tiredness as I'm just not getting a good night's sleep. I wake up at about 3pm and after that my sleep is terrible. I'll sleep and then wake up, which goes on and on until I get up. That and I'm tired of trying to process everything. There's too much going on in my head at the moment and it never seems to stop. I think that's why she suggested relaxation techniques.

I have seen the GP twice in the last 12 months about tiredness. The blood test showed up normal and he said it was just stress. Not sure if I should go again.

The other problem is I'm really anxious because I've been trying to contact one of my friends and she's not answering her phone. I know it sounds stupid but there's always that little doubt in your mind that maybe I did something wrong and she doesn't want to be friends anymore. I don't know. She's probably just busy and I'm stressing about nothing.

Mia

[White_Rose]

Hello Mia

I suspect you are right about opening up to your counsellor. I think we can convince ourselves that it's not time, we are not ready, it's not important etc. when what is really happening is we are plain scared of accessing those memories which we think will be painful. Well we know it will be hard to do this, but is that enough reason to never to talk about it? I think we humans are very good at fooling ourselves.

You say something is holding you back and I wonder if this is fear. It's a good escape mechanism to focus on the small things in your life. I know that's exactly what I used to do. My psychiatrist used to get so frustrated when I appeared to start talking about something important and then picked on something else. I didn't even realise I was doing this until he spat the dummy about it.

A question to ask yourself. Why are you going to a counsellor? What took you there originally? I suggest it was to get some peace of mind, to begin living your life without fear and anxiety. Is that right? No need to answer me, just seriously ask yourself.

Another question for you, what do you think will happen when you tell your counsellor about your past. You can ask the counsellor both questions if you wish and talk about the reasons. I feel sure you are going to say it's better to learn relaxation techniques. I feel you will learn to relax naturally once you have got rid of the burden you are carrying. I think learning relaxation techniques is another way of avoiding painful subjects.

How are you going writing down these events? Again I think not writing is avoiding. I know what I am suggesting seems too hard to do. Dear Mia, I do know exactly how hard it is. It's Saturday and presumably you are not at work. Find a quiet corner and start writing. I recommend handwriting not typing into your computer. It really does make a difference and slows your thinking because handwriting is slower than the computer. It gives you time to think and most of all you cannot press the delete button. 😊

Can you give it a try this weekend. Doesn't matter if it's not finished, you can go back to it. Don't know what the weather is like in your neck of the woods, but it's warm in Qld. Possibly too warm but it does allow me to sit outside and get on with my healing.

Mary

[Mia001]

Hi Mary,

I think you're right. It all comes down to fear. Fear of what happens if I tell someone. Fear of what she'll think. Fear of what I'll feel. Fear of reliving it in my head. But avoiding it is like putting off homework. Eventually you have to do it. I can't keep running.

I want me back. The me that woke up every morning happy to be alive. The me that laughed, and smiled and truly had fun. I don't know where she went but I don't see her a lot anymore.

That's why I go to counselling. Because somewhere along the way the spark faded. I realised that this was affecting my life, affecting everything. I'm slowly drowning under the weight of it all. It's time to face it, deal with it, accept it and move on. I gave myself 6 months to sort out my head and I only have 3 left.

I don't know what will happen when I tell her; I don't know how I'm going to feel. All I know is that I have do this. I can do this. Even if I don't write it out. I'll be ok so long as we can start the conversation. It's time to make a move.

Yes, I'm not working this weekend. I only have a short shift on Monday too, so I should have time to write my story. It's actually pretty quiet at home - just me and Mum. We're going to have a girlie movie night with our neighbour tonight which I'm looking forward to. Do you have anything exciting planned for the weekend?

The weather here is hot too. It's supposed to reach 38 degrees this weekend. I think summer has come early! ☀️

See you later,

Mia

[Guest_5218]

Hello again Mia.

You are such an impressive young lady! In fact you seem so very 'together', if that makes sense? I know we all hide so much under a mask of normality which makes it hard for others to see just how much we are suffering emotionally.

Mary has offered some great advice and the questions she has posed to you have caused you to think about your priorities, your motives and your solutions. Although I suspect you already had all that mapped out in your own mind, sometimes it helps to revisit it and reassert what is important to us.

I think your counsellor going through some relaxation techniques is a good starting point for anyone suffering from trauma. I'm sure she will go through other coping strategies with you as well. This needs to occur before they know you are ready to go down the track of any future trauma therapy. They aim to ensure you have the necessary tools to cope with any backlash involved in the retelling of our traumatic past.

If you are concerned about getting on track for Tuesdays session, consider writing a brief synopsis of what you need to discuss. Just a brief outline which you can give to her to read, which will get the ball rolling in the right direction. I have had many trauma therapy sessions and they are very difficult, taking a lot out of you both emotionally and physically. For me, I always went in to my appointments with notes. Otherwise I would just avoid discussing anything risky. You know the deal, I'd ask about the weather, holidays, my psych's kids, whatever. Simple small talk in order to put off talking about the really difficult stuff.

Yes you're right ... it is time to make your move. Fact is, you're right about a whole lot of things. You'll be fine.

Its hot here today as well, expected top of 34C and tomorrow to be 36C. Hot hot hot ... bring back winter I say!

Enjoy your girls movie night.

Sherie xx

[Guest_5218]

Hi there Mia. I hope you enjoyed your movie night last night? What did you watch?

I notice on the Forum Suggestions page that you asked if your Thread name can be changed. Simple answer is "yes it definitely can". In fact many people like to change the name of their thread once it gets moved to the Long Term Support section anyway. In order to give readers a better idea of that the thread is about. When threads are in their respective sections initiall they are easily identified through Youth, Depression, Anxiety, PTSD, etc. But that definition is lost when they get moved to the LTS section.

I would suggest you email Christopher, the Forums manager, and request a title name change. Give some thought to what you want to call it, and make it something that readers will be able to identify the subject from, and therefore you should make it relevant to your particular issues.

Chris's email can be found in lots of places on the forums, but to make things easier for you, it is: christopher.banks@beyondblue.org.au

Hope you're doing well today? Its very very windy and hot where I am. Terrible bush fire weather.

Sherie xx

[White_Rose]

Hello Mia

Such a determined post. Well written. I am really happy you have decided to go ahead with telling your psych about your brother. I am aware it may cause you some pain but you are already experiencing that pain without an exit. Talking and getting it out of your system will lead to a more secure and satisfying life whatever the next step will be.

If I may suggest, when you see your psych and before you both get talking, take a deep breath and say "There is something I want to tell you and talk about". If she wants to do relaxing first make sure you tell her you must do this first. I doubt you will need the second sentence as the psych should be able to tell you have something important to say. Then off you go.

I hope it all works out well for you. I know you will find it hard to start, which is why it's good to have the facts written down, but you will find you are strong. Time for a joke? I put this one in the Worst Wednesday jokes a while ago.

Women are like teabags. You never know how strong they are until you put them in hot water.

Mary