What happened doesn't have to define me

[Mia001]

Hi everyone!

I'm new here. Not really sure what to do. Where do I start? Any suggestions?

Mia

[Mia001]

Hi everyone,

Thanks Mandy.😊 I applied for a position using my qualifications from the aged care course I finished last year. My role will be providing basic care for the residents. Even if I don’t get the job at this facility, there are plenty of others in the area.

I saw my counsellor today. Mostly we talked about work as it’s been difficult lately. My new role has left me feeling a bit uncertain of myself. I guess it will take some time for me to adjust. Also, the issue of working with my brother has been very stressful too. My counsellor suggested that I talk to the manager about this. I can’t really change our shifts coinciding, but hopefully I can avoid being placed with him.

We also talked about taking some time to have fun, as my life at the moment is basically gym, eat, work, sleep, repeat. I’m not finding I have much time to socialise and enjoy myself. That’s probably why I feel so low all the time.

I’m falling asleep so I’d better stop writing.

Talk later,

Mia

[White_Rose]

Hello Mia

What a lot is happening for you. A job application to work in an area you want sounds good. I hope you are accepted. How lovely your dad has offered to go with you if you get the job. Great incentive to get your Ps.

Working hard is admirable but ultimately becomes dissatisfying without a personal life and activities you enjoy. Your gym workouts will help to keep depression at bay. There is a strong link between the two. I know you enjoy meeting up with friends. What else do you enjoy? I like going to the cinema but it's more enjoyable going with friends and discussing the merits of the film afterwards.

Do you have any hobbies? I like gardening, reading and embroidery. The last one I have recently revived. I made birth samplers for all my grandchildren except the last. She has been complaining about this and the irritating thing is that I started hers several years ago and did not get back to it. However I finished it this week and will take it to the framers today. Whew!

Have you thought of going away with a couple of friends for a few days?This would give you time away from your brother and more importantly the opportunity to relax completely. A unit by the sea, or a unit in the country may appeal.

It takes time to become comfortable in a new job or new role. While you know basically what to do there are usually a few parts that need more concentration until you are familiar with them. Think about this if you get the job in aged care. The uncertainty will feel similar for a short while until you find your feet.

How are you going with your counsellor? It sounds as though you feel comfortable and getting the help you want. Until you stop working in your parent's business I think there will always be some uneasiness around your brother. Recognising this and making a conscious effort to not engage with him will help you enormously.

Friday today and then the weekend. Will you be working? In any case I hope you have a great weekend and celebrate the arrival of autumn.

Mary

[Mia001]

Hi Mary,

I like reading, crosswords, cooking, listening to music, walking and almost anything creative. At the moment, I’m slowly redecorating my room. The theme is aqua and red, with touches of silver. Using black and white for my neutrals, and my furniture is all wooden so that warms it up a bit. I bought a picture frame the other day so I’m going to sort out some photos and a few quotes to fill it with. It’s one of the ones which are made of lots of smaller frames joined together.

I’m won’t be back at work until Tuesday. I’m going to try and stay busy, but have some time to relax as well. I’m going to a birthday party tonight. Not sure how that will go. Lately I’ve found the noise and people overwhelming even if it’s only a small group. I seem to always end up the corner wondering how long until I can go home. 😏 It never used to bother me like this. Maybe it will be better tonight. It’s at someone’s house rather than the community hall, so hopefully that means it will be quieter.

I spoke to my manager yesterday about working shifts with my brother. To my surprise, she was understood completely. I had forgotten that she used to work with her mum!

Sorry, I’ve probably confused you about it being a family business. Me and my brother work together in fast food and my dad works else where, he just drops us off on his way to work. Mind you my brother is eager to start work as soon as he is old enough. So eventually both my brothers could become managers and run the store! 😂 Not sure how well that would work though!

I have asked for a week off over Easter but I don’t know if it has been approved yet. I’m planning on going to a church youth camp with my brothers. I went last year and enjoyed it so much.

Yeah, I am going well with the counselling I think. The last 3-4 sessions we haven’t really spoken about what happened. It’s been nice really, and less stressful. We’ve just been focusing on NOW. My anxiety, difficulties at work and other immediate problems. I have a lot going on at the moment... promotion at work, trying to get my P’s, looking for a new job, and the stress of my brother, and trying to give myself some space from him. I don’t need to add to this by stirring up my past. When things have calmed down and I’m more settled I guess we can talk about it then.

Mia

[Guest8901]

Good morning Mia. Sorry I've not been around for while. I have been thinking of you however.

I also like doing crosswords, sudoku and other word games. I always turn to those pages in the daily newspapers. I do find them distracting which is a good thing. Since my hospital stay I have also been keeping a sketch pad next to me and have been doing a bit of 'doodling'. Although I've never considered myself to be at all creative or artistic, some of my efforts actually look (half) okay. This is something I might persevere with.

I like the sound of your bedroom colour scheme and overall theme in your redecoration project. I hope you'll be happy with the end result.

Have you heard anything back yet on the job in the Nursing Home that you applied for? Perhaps you've also applied for others in the region as well. Hopefully something will come up soon for you. Oh, good news about your manager being understanding about the situation of working on the same shifts as your brother.

I hope you manage to get time off over easter to allow you to get to the church youth group. Is it held near where you live or will you need to travel some distance? Does it cause difficulties with your elder brother also going?

Pleased to hear that your counselling sessions are progressing well. Working on current difficulties seems like a sensible approach. You can get to more difficult things when the time is right. Yes, you do indeed have a lot going on at the moment, and it may be a good idea to let some things rest for a while. At least until your immediate problems are in a better place. Have you had any further problems with the 'stalker' who has been hanging around at your work?

Okay, so you now have 3 days off work. And ... a party to attend tonight. I too become agitated and overwhelmed at functions where noise and crowds cause me to shut down and retreat to somewhere quiet. Be it a corner or outside somewhere. My husband is normally an extrovert and loves attention and noise. Quite the opposite to me. I just try to wait it out as best I can and long for the chance to escape. I hope that the party tonight, being in a private home, makes it easier for you this time. I'm guessing its a birthday party for either a friend or else a family member. Meaning you'll have friends or family to keep you company. I find that helping the host/ess with something takes some of the pressure off me to be social. So if you are struggling, perhaps try that? Sending a hug.

Amanda

[Mia001]

Hi Amanda,

No worries. 😊 We both have our own problems to deal with.

The sketch book sounds like a great idea. Maybe when you’re feeling better and have more time you could go to drawing classes! ✏️

The nursing home I applied said that they have enough staff at the moment. I’m going to apply at some of the other facilities next week, I think.

The camp is about 4 hours away so my brother and I will have to drive there in my car. It would be nicer if my brother wasn’t going, but I’m sure I’ll still enjoy myself. I don’t think others will tolerate his behaviour towards me as much as they do at work.

I have seen the ‘stalker’ multiple times but I haven’t been in drivethru much so I haven’t had to deal with him. He still stares though, which makes me very uncomfortable. It’s hard to explain to others that you “just know” by the look in his eyes.

The party is for a friend/neighbour, she’s married, with 3 kids. We see them quite a bit, and sometimes we stop by after church.

At parties, I usually spend a lot of time hiding in the kitchen or clearing tables etc. Most of the people I’m friends with come and help anyway. Though I think I’m an extravert, I’ve always preferred chatting one-on-one or in small groups.

Sending hugs 🤗

Mia

[White_Rose]

Hello Mia

How did the party go? I hope it was not very stressful. However you can give yourself a pat on the back for going because that takes courage and you have lots of that.

Sad about the job but you can continue to apply elsewhere. You could ask the home where you applied to give you some feedback on your application and interview. It's always useful to know what you do well and where you can improve. The next application may get you a job.

Do you think the drive to camp will be a little easier with both brothers in the car? It's good to know your older brother will not be allowed to behave badly towards you.

There is only so much to talk about from the past. Today is what is important and getting strategies to manage this is the most important. While you sometimes sound a bit down I think overall you are managing your life well. We all have difficulties to get through and these are not necessarily all related to our mental health. Sometime we need to step back and ask what is happening and where did this problem come from. Once you can see it's an event separate from your MH issues it becomes easier to manage.

You are becoming more resilient and this is wonderful to see.

Mary

[Mia001]

Hi Mary,

The party didn’t go very well actually. 🙁 I just couldn’t do it. Ended up in the lounge room playing games on my phone and Mum realised something was wrong so she sat with me. Then I started crying and refused to talk so she went and found my nurse friend who fortunately knows what’s going on. I calmed down a bit after talking to her. Then I came out for dinner, had a few drinks and went to sleep on the lounge.

I feel guilty because Mum was so worried about me. She hasn’t said anything about it, so I guess she knows I don’t want to talk. I still feel like I owe her an explanation but what do I say? I can’t tell her about counselling and my brother.

My nurse friend thinks that I should be on meds and to be honest she’s probably right. I can’t keep doing this. Each time I think “I’m ok, it was just a bad few days/weeks” it comes back worse. Even my counsellor last week mentioned I’m sad all the time. She recommended I book an appointment with a new GP. So I’m booked in for Wednesday.

I think driving to the camp will be easier with both my brothers. They will be occupied talking about this online game that they compete in. 😂 I’m just waiting for work to confirm my time off, otherwise I won’t be going!

We’re going to their place for dinner tonight to eat all the leftovers from the party. Hopefully I will be better than last night. 😏

Mia

[Guest8901]

Good morning Mia. How's things?

Sorry to read that the party on the weekend did not go so well. Yes I'm sure your Mum would have been concerned for you. Its good that she respects your desire not to talk, but hopefully you know you can talk to her if you ever feel you want to.

I note that you are seeing a new GP, with an appointment today. So I thought it opportune to drop by and wish you well with that. I'll be thinking of you. Be honest and as up-front as you're able to, but know that you wont need to go into great detail about anything. Come back and let us know how you got along when you're able.

Have you heard yet whether you have time off work to enable you to get to the Camp over Easter?

Sending good vibes and warm wishes to you Mia.

Amanda

[Mia001]

Hi Amanda,

Things are not going too badly at the moment. Work has been very quiet. It’s boring, but good because I have extra time to make sure everything is perfect and chat with the customers.

My time off has been approved! I’m very much looking forward to having some holidays... I’m even going to paint my nails 😱 (not very exciting I know, but I’m not allowed to at work because of food regulations). I’ve booked a session at the gym with the PT. Hopefully I can catch up with a few friends too. I’ll have to make sure I plan a few things so that I’m not just sitting at home doing nothing.

I’ve been thinking more and more lately about telling Mum what’s going on. I’m just not sure. If I open up to her I’ll have to trust that she won’t tell Dad. But I don’t think it’s fair to ask her to do that. Also, I wouldn’t tell her what happened or that it was my brother. So that would leave Mum in an awkward and stressful situation. I’m going to have to talk to my counsellor about this next time I see her.

Thanks for wishing me well at my appointment this afternoon. I have nearly 3 hours to wait, so I think I’ll stay here at the library 📚 and chill for a while. I’m not too anxious about the appointment right now, but I’m sure I will be later.

Hugs 🤗

Mia

[White_Rose]

Hello Mia

I have been away for a couple of days and not able to answer posts. So sad your party was not as enjoyable as you hoped. Sometimes when we are feeling a bit low seeing others happy and laughing etc can intensify our sad feelings. Sitting on your own for a short while can help. So pleased your nurse friend was able to help.

Feeling you need to confide in someone close to you is a good sign that you are feeling stronger. It's up to you who to confide in, when and how much. It will be more difficult to I suspect to tell your mom only part of the story because she is close to you. As you say, talk about this to your counsellor. This is where you can be completely open about all the ramifications, about your fears and your (normal) need to feel loved and accepted.

I suspect your mom will not be satisfied with part of the story. I would want to know the whole if you were my daughter, or should I say if my daughter told me about a similar situation. Asking her to not tell your dad is tricky. She may be prepared to wait until you are up to it. Please remember you are as loved and valuable to your parents as your brother. Sometime I get the feeling from your posts that you do not believe this. I understand that some families value sons more than daughters but, even if it applies to your family, it does not mean you are not loved or have less love from your parents. Usually parents are more protective of daughters in this situation. But talk to your counsellor first and do nothing until you are ready.

How did your GP visit go? Did he/she suggest medication? If so how do you feel about this? Remember antidepressants, which I presume you will be given, take a few weeks to take full effect. This is incremental so you should start to feel some benefit after a week or so but allow about six weeks for the full effect. Taking meds for a time can be a great help to keep us on an even keel. Then it is easier to manage all the other 'stuff' and have the stability to concentrate.

Enjoy your holiday.

Mary