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unsure what to do
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Hello,
When do you know a relationship is over?
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Hi Sherie,
I know that therapists are a mixed bag. One psychologist friend said to me once that social workers do social work because they care about community, physiologists do psych because they need to figure themselves out and psychiatrists do their training because they are a bit mad. He was joking and having go at himself at the time. I'm pleased that you have good relationship with yours.
I've found local dog sitter to take Happy too, she sounds nice.
P actually chose Happy and does get along well with him. He just doesn't do any of the work. I probably would have chosen a big dog, my last was a german shepherd. We had a lot of chats before taking Happy on about sharing the care and he agreed to all. He always wanted a white fluffy dog and I was happy to have any dog. I wouldn't of course swap the curly one for anything now.
The hospital visit is for a regular drug infusion.
I/my specialist has to be able to prove that they work to get the next batch approved. I'm not sure if it has or hasn't worked. If it is working it will help prevent future damage but any current damage remains, so its a bit hard to tell what is what. Unfortunately the blood tests aren't as yet sophisticated enough to prove anything, it's all done by physical results and what the specialists says.
The last time I saw my specialist I thought I should give her hug she was so miserable on my behalf. Once you refuse a medication you can't get it back again. So, if it is working a little but you want to try the next one in the line to hopefully get a better response and that one doesn't work you can't go back to the first. I have been through the whole range now. But this one popped up out of nowhere so who knows.
Love and hugs, xx
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Morning Wednesday. I just wanted you to know that my thoughts will be with you today for your hospital visit. I hope little Happy is okay in your absence. Talk again soon, when you're back on air.
Big hugs to keep you going until then.
Love to you
Sherie xx
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Hi Sherie, thanks for the hugs.
Yesterday went fine, though I did accidentally on purpose forget to tell them that I had a cold, because they can/will refuse treatment. It just means I'll have a worse cold so no big deal. I don't have much of an immune system anyway so it is par for the course.
It's a confronting day because you meet others with horrible diseases some that I've never heard of. My heart bleeds little for them. Mostly they are amazing people that have gone through a lot and found an inner strength to keep going despite all sorts of things. I met a lovely, well travelled, intelligent, South African woman, whose family is still in Africa that I could have adopted on the spot.
For Happy I found a dog sitter online called Katie, she lives close by. It's a big day in some ways and I was tired by the time I picked him up so I didn't really chat much. She said he's a sweet dog and loved playing with a 10wk old puppy she was minding, though didn't interact much with her 6mth old dog, who was bigger than Happy. Happy seemed fine, which is good and reassuring. Much better than if I had left him home all day.
How are you going with the edmr backlash? Does Hubby recognise how hard this is for you, or maybe that is silly question?
hugs, xx
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Hi Wednesday. I'm really pleased to hear that yesterday went relatively well. I hope you dont suffer too badly from the cold as a result of the extra treatment. It certainly sounds like a very difficult day for you, emotionally as much as anything else. Must feel good to have it over and done with ... until next time anyway.
It good that Happy seemed settled and content in his new dog sitter arrangement. Its a relief to have this as a back up in case you ever need to go away either for a day or even overnight occasionally. I have a similar arrangement for Holly whenever I go away overnight. She's fine and quite happy for all day, but I would never leave her home alone overnight.
The EMDR 'backlash' has settled now, so thats good. Although I think as a result of just a really difficult 6 months really, I am left feeling really worn out. I guess it could be because I have a whole month before the next session, so its almost like a break, but not quite. Although I had hoped it would be the last. Oh well. Hubby doesnt know I am having any therapy. He doesnt believe a non-military person would legitimately have ptsd, so does not believe in it for others. So I just dont even mention it to him, I would be wasting my breath and we would only end up arguing about it. So the answer to your question is "no, he doesnt know how hard its been for me". Most of my therapy I have timed for when he is away anyway, so the subject just doesnt have a chance to come up.
Have you had an opportunity to discuss your respective relationship wants/needs with your partner yet?
I love your new profile pic by the way. Just love those parrots. Is this a photo you have taken yourself?
I hope you are resting comfortably today after what must have been an exhausting day yesterday.
Love and hugs to you.
Sherie xx
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Hi Sherie,
I love the parrots; they are often in my garden hoping for a tasty treat. They come back every year with a new one in tow, love it. They keep the local pigeons in check and the honey eaters keep them all in check, pecking order! My photo is blurry but they arrived this morning and I couldn’t help myself.
Yes, it is good to have yesterday over, next week I get to find out if I can remain on the medication or not. It does leave me in a thoughtful frame of mind. But thoughts that I’ll put to one side until after the specialist appointment and results.
I’m pleased the backlash has settled for you. Even without the sessions you really have had a tough time and it is no wonder that you feel worn out. Did I also read that you only get about 5 hours sleep? This is pretty slim sleeping and maybe not enough for your body to recover physically and mentally, your sleep debt is huge. Having another session planned is a bit like having the sword of Damocles hanging over you isn’t it? I hope you are being kind to yourself. You’re are such a giving person, how do you make sure that you’re not wearing yourself out? It’s the bucket story if you keep giving from the bucket it will eventually be empty, unless of course it is refilled. Are you able to refill your bucket?
I’m not surprised about your hubby (I gather he's aDefence person), just a bit sad that he isn’t a better supporter for you. Dear Sherie do you have someone close by to give you a cup of tea and a hug now and then to help with all that is going on for you?
I haven’t had the energy to talk to P. It’s not easy to raise anything that isn’t about his day. He will say he wants have a nice night and avoid any subject that is uncomfortable for him. He enjoyed his holiday and thinks everything is just fine. I said to him last night that I felt weepy, so he changed the subject. I went to bed.
Off now to find some motivation to do something!
Thank you for being you!
Love and hugs, xx
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Hi Apollo,
Just in case you are monitoring my posts…
You mentioned that you work with heart patients. My disease also effects my heart and lungs (I don’t know if it has got there yet).However, I can’t seem to get my heart rate down. The nurse at the hospital said it was what she expected. My doctor said it is pain related. Both times I actually felt okay and calm.
My heart rate is running between 95 and 102, which is too high. I go to the gym twice a week (mostly) and walk /hobble around the dog park most days. The people at the gym have reduced all my weights, because I was having problems with pain afterwards. I was just wondering if you had any thoughts, I’d prefer not to add heart issues to my medical file.
Thanks.
xx
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Hi Wednesday. My pulse rate is often well over 100 bpm. It was 124 last time the Dr checked. Mine is caused by anxiety and/or chronic pain. The anti-anxiety medication my GP put me on a couple of months ago has helped to bring it down a little. Perhaps yours is caused by anxiety too, as well as pain? I do hope it isnt being caused by your auto immune issues. As you say, you have enough to worry about without heart problems on top of it.
In answer to your post to me yesterday - yes I have managed to increase my average nightly sleep to around 5hrs now, which is a big improvement to a couple of months ago where it was between zero and 3hrs. I can manage on that, perhaps not exactly thrive, but I have learned that I can function on that! My aim is to get back to my normal sleep patterns which is around 8-9hrs. (-:
Yes, hubby was 20 years in the 'forces' - a Vietnam veteran. No I dont have any real friends, acquaintances yes, but no friends nearby. Any friends I used to have all dropped off the radar over the years. Its too hard to maintain friendships with hubby being the way he is.
It sounds as though communication is an issue between you and P. If he is like hubby, there is never a good time to talk about anything at all difficult. Its always 'not now', 'cant this wait', 'deal with it yourself', 'LOOK!', 'Jesus!', 'cant you see I'm listening to something', 'doing something', whatever. In the end its just easier to give up.
It also sounds as though he is not exactly supportive to you. Knowing the other night you were weepy and knowing you'd had all those tests and everything, and he just switched off and didnt want to know?
Can you tell me what benefits your relationship with P has for you? What does he provide you with by way of companionship, comfort, security, etc?
I hope today has been a little better for you and that you are finding your motivation to do things again.
Hugs to you.
Sherie xx
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I've just been reading through your thread Wednesday and I'm so sorry about all the illnesses you're having to battle at the moment along with the issues in your relationship.
You have been so supportive to me that I wanted to find your thread and just let you know you're in my thoughts. I cannot offer much advice but just always remember what a beautiful person you are. You deserve good things.
I can offer hugs to you though.
With love, Emmy xx
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Hi Wednesday...Ive just been reading your thread and like Emmy just mentioned..you are doing it hard...very very hard. You have every reason to vent about P and your health...You are more than entitled to from what I have read. I apologise that I have responded so woefully late after you started your thread.
There has been heaps of great advice/help here so I will be brief and stay on topic if thats okay 🙂
Besides the invaluable support from Starwolf, Carol and Sherie I noticed a tiny comment from Apollo that needed to be repeated about your P if thats okay Wednesday....
Apollo Said: "Ultimately he needs to take ownership for his own anxiety and stop hooking up his emotional
hose to you. You don't need that kind of energy drain"
Apollo is spot on here Wednesday. Can I ask you if P is getting any regular counseling/meds for his anxiety disorder? Please forgive me if you have already mentioned it as I may have missed it.
Just some praise for how far you have come from what I have read. You have gathered the strength to talk about your health over a period of time which is a huge feat Wednesday. It took me ages to discuss my health on the forums until I realised it was to my benefit let alone the therapeutic and healing benefits of doing so.
Just my humble opinion if thats okay...I think you know where you stand with P. At the same time I do empathize for what you are going through physiologically/mentally and geographically too.
My kindest wishes to you Wednesday. I have been reading your posts and assistance you provide to others...you are a kind soul.
Paulx
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I didn’t realize you lived with chronic pain I’m so sorry. So selfish of me to carry on about my aches and pains. I don’t know what the cause of my heart rate is. I guess it wouldn’t be much of a surprise is there is some anxiety helping out. The AD’s I take are very high so mostly I feel calm.
Well done increasing your sleep, may your success continue. Zero to 5 hours is pretty impressive! I have no qualms taking a sleeping tablet now and then to pull me back into line. I do understand what you are saying about your hubby. I just wish it was different for you.
I have tried so hard to communicate, there isn’t a good time and I’ve probably done it badly I seem to offend him more often than not. there are so many subjects that are not okay to all about. There is a part of me that has stopped trying to communicate.
I have to wonder if I’m not taking enough responsibility for my own behaviour. I think he does try it’s just not intuitive to him. In the Jungian speak he probably sits more comfortably in adult/child roles than in a parenting role, needed to nurture. Again I’m probably being way too hard on him.
I thought a lot about your questions and can’t really come to any conclusions I’m not sure what the benefits are. He’s a nice man, he says he loves me. The downside is easier to explain, there I go being difficult to get along with. Maybe it’s if I mess this up and can’t work it out I’ll have to give up on any pretense that I’m holding it all together.
Hugs. xx
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