unsure what to do

[Wednesday]

Hello,

When do you know a relationship is over?

[Wednesday]

Hi Sherie,

Yes losing my home would be awful. I would not be able to afford to live close to my daughter and her family. Unlike Carol I am keeping "let it go" and I haven't seen the movie, in my head as a mantra. It didn't help last night I just stayed awake singing let it go, let if go, haha.

I think, which is of course qualified by at this point in time, that I love P but living like this is not fun. He is off today to see his daughter and grandchild, I wasn't invited. There is too much damage done over too long period of time to make it right now. My personality is part of the problem, I am too damaged to cope with rejection. I took too long to stand up for myself and then I just want everyone to be happy.

So, if I love but don't necessarily like, if I have chronic uncontrolled illness and a family in another state that would be pleased to have me around. If my life is currently listening to and supporting P go over and over the same anxiety lists.... getting closer to making a big decision.

I'm okay after the hospital, it's always bit of a challenge. My doc has applied for another six months supply. I am still not convinced it's working but then again every little bit helps.

I hope you're having lovely day, I'll check your thread.

Hugs, xx

[Lost_Girl]

Hi Wednesday,

I'm sorry about the grandma thing, I wasn't aware of the physical requirements.

Everyone deserves to feel wanted and loved. You deserve support too. I can hear the heartbreak in your words about being left behind while P goes out.

Perhaps you can look into your options and what support you can get, access to medical care etc so you can use that information to compare your options. Consoder looking into clubs or social groups, things of interest like theatre or museums or places you might be able to explore on good days, in the other State. It's not too late for a new start. Take in all the possibilities when comparing now to a possibility. May I ask which States you would be considering moving from and to, no details just the States. I have moved around a bit too, I moved from Tas to Vic to Nsw then Vic then back to Nsw.

Moving is scary, any big change is. Leaving things behind is hard too but sometimes it can be necessary to follow your heart. You are a strong lady Wednesday. It can't hurt to look into all the details so you can make an informed decision.

Kindest thoughts to you and a big hug xx

[Emmy.]

Wednesday, I am like you and have issues with fear of rejection and fear of abandonment so can imagine how you must be feeling at the moment. Can I tell you a little story... My sister is currently separating from her husband (it was her birthday yesterday). And she said she cant believe she will be 37 and divorced. I said better 37 than 57 and resenting her husband. I know its different but you have to do what is right for you hun. You don't want to look back with regrets. Carol has made some great suggestions, perhaps doing a little research into options for a move. Does your family know how you're feeling (sorry if you've told us this before I cannot remember) perhaps they could even help look into things for you from a medical point of view for you? Thinking of you and sending you hugs. Emmy xx

[Wednesday]

Hi Carol,

Thank you for your thoughtful suggestions.I'd be moving from VIC to NSW. I have looked into moving a little. A lot of my choices would be governed by where my daughter and her family live which has risen in price enormously and way out of my price bracket, so getting close to them would be really hard. The next important thing from would be to change specialists and doctors, which I've done before and it is a nightmare. My medical file is enormous and doctors aren't fond of taking patients that are quite so challenging. I'd try and get referrals from current specialists to somewhere in NSW, but you can see that is complex. I can't face going through the sort of thing I've been through to date with medicos. I'm sure you know the sort of thing I'm talking about.

I don't like to say to much to my daughter or son about what is happening. I probably say little more to my daughter. My son has a tough job and low tolerance for things he sees as not big deal and the last thing he wants is any crisis to deal when on his off time. I don't have any other family. I feel like my children had to put up with a lot growing up and now should be able to have an easier life.

Thank you sweetie, hugs, xx

[Wednesday]

Hello Emmy,

Thank you for your post.

I don't have any family, just my son and daughter. It is hard on them if a talk to them, I'm supposed to be and always have been their rock. My son gets cross/exasperated with me for limping and thinks I'm not looking after myself, he is incredibly fit. My daughter has plenty on her plate and also doesn't cope well when I am ill, so I tend not to mention things to her.

Yes I think you and I both have good reason to fear rejection it's a tough battle to fight isn't it.

I'm sorry to hear about your sister. Like you I think 37 is an age where she can find her feet once again, esapecially when she has a thoughtful and delightful sister around like you. I'm on the 57 end and exhausted by life. Maybe if the meds work I'll find the energy and a body to get my act together.

I have a chat booked with P for tonight, you never know something good may come of it... Ouch just mentioning it my chest tightened up. I will not have panic attack, I will not have a panic attack...

(I've said a bit more on my post to the lovely Carol).

Hugs, hope you're having a good day, xx

[Lost_Girl]

Hi Wednesday,

Remember to breathe lovely. Perhaps try the guided body scan on palousemindfulness if needed.

Carol xx

[Wednesday]

Oh dear Carol you are so sweet. They live close to the city on the Parramatta river I've checked all around them and prices have gone nuts over the last few years. I'm probably giving a bit to much info away..

P and I had a talk and he said he:

• is committed to our relationship: and
• can see how hard it is for me and will try to help.

It is of course difficult for him too to have to make decisions about his family and me. This seems to be a good start. It's sad to say but I'll wait and see.

He is away a bit over the next month or so, which is easier for me. I really have to concentrate on my health. How are you going today?

Hugs, xx

[Guest_5218]

Hi Wednesday. Its good that you and P got to have a good talk about where you are both at.

At least he should now be fully aware as to how you feel, and how hard certain things are for you. Not just your significant health issues, but equally your sense of rejection and hurt over his family's snub of you.

I hope this will jolt P into some sort of action which will help to bridge the gap between his family and yourself. He needed to know that, if you are important to him, then your feelings over the hurtful treatment by his children needs to be addressed. I really hope something good comes of all this. He says he is committed to your relationship, so it is in his best interests to have you happy, as that results in his own happiness also.

But it does appear to be a good start, so well done for taking the opportunity for this little heart to heart. Ideally the next month or so, where you will get a bit of free time to concentrate on your health, will enable you to take stock and rebuild your physical and emotional resources ready for a fresh start.

Have a nice Sunday Wednesday. (-: Gentle hug.

Sherie xx

[Wednesday]

Hello dear Sherie,

Thank you for your kind post. I hope that our conversations was more than just words. It quickly reverted to P's anxieties, sigh. His own insight can quickly be overtaken by his anxiety. I wake up in the morning to his fears for the day. He says that he wants to do something about his anxiety, but won't do anything. In a funny way his anxiety is comfortable space for him to live in.

I can only make small steps, since my heath suffers if I get upset, so it's all about remaining calm. I also realised that I have couple (give or take) of drinks most nights to cope with P's anxiety off-loading, which is a bit silly. I'll need to sort that out too. I never drink alone, which is useful so I know I can stop.

Thank you, hugs, and pats for Holly, xx

[Lost_Girl]

Hi lovely,

I am really glad the talk went well, that's great news. I hope things change.

I am a little better today. Just family time today xx