unsure what to do

[Wednesday]

Hello,

When do you know a relationship is over?

[Wednesday]

Hi Apollo,

Is kind of you to get back to me, I hope you're okay.

Your advice is great.

With all my other issues I don't tend to register much. so I can't say how long it has been going on for at least six months, because of the more recent hospital visits I've become more aware. My blood pressure is all over the place, though these days it's usually taken in hospital, so the anxiety factor may play a role. I must pay more attention when at the GP's and ask more questions. Come to think of it my GP is very happy for me to live on morphine too, umm. I don't of course. However, with the high level of AD's I generally feel pretty calm.

My weight is okay, depending on which med I am taking e.g. cortisone. I have a lot of infections, because I have no immune system left, I don't even get temperatures any more! My poor old body has been beaten by the meds.

My heart rate is a resting one. The last time I asked, the GP suggested a test that involved running on a treadmill. I was so surprised with her suggestions that I laughed. I had a vision of myself on the treadmill. It would be funny to watch like one of those cartoons where the person travels off the end of the treadmill while running as hard as they can. I can't move fast enough to get out of the way of kids toys at the park most days. Those Hovercraft catch me every time.

Anyway after that ramble, I am grateful for your help and advice. I will investigate more carefully and push a little harder. I have noticed that I am one of those patients that doctors feel sorry for me, which doesn't actually make me feel any better and are happy to blame everything on my current diseased state.

I don't know if hugs are okay but here's one if it is, ta,

Hugs, xx

[Apollo_Black]

Thanks for the hugs Wednesday, yes they're ok with me 🙂

I know it's an expense but these types of issues are probably best sorted out by a review by a cardiologist. I laughed at your treadmill analogy and it's not really indicated with your problem - unless you're getting chest pains or symptoms of ischaemic heart disease.

Question is - are you getting short of breath or suffering from any other symptoms such as palpitations or dizziness?? Regardless I think it's best to just go to the source. If you can afford it just get a private referral to a cardiologist, tell them your history (particularly in the setting of getting I'm assuming TNF blocker infusions) and you'll get the basic set of investigations appropriate. At best you'll get piece of mind and can strike that one off your list.

Tachycardia is defined as a heart rate above 100 - so technically you're sort of ok. But it's unusual to have a resting HR continually between 90-100. Ideally it should be below 70 if possible. Let me know how you get on

[Wednesday]

Hello Apollo,

Great thanks for the info. I'll add it to my GP visit list.

Your help is very much appreciated.

Hugs, xx

[Lost_Girl]

Hi Wednesday,

I wish it were different for you. I don't see anyway to resolve things other than if you plan a catch up just continue inviting them and hope one day they grow in maturity enough to come.

The big question is are you getting enough from the relationship with P to overlook the exclusion or, would you prefer to take a chance on meeting someone else who will share their whole life with you?

I would suggest writing something hearfelt about your feelings for P's Mum. "P's Mum meant a lot to me. She.....(insert special thoughts here). I hope you enjoy these xyz that I made".

I am glad you will plan something special for yourself.

Hugs,

Carol xx

[Wednesday]

Hi Carol,

Thanks. I don't invite them around anymore, the two of the children (36, 35) have been very aggressive, I don't deal with aggression well. So part of the problem is I withdraw to deal with the issue the best I can. P see's them on his own. I had hoped to continue seeing the grandbabies but it hasn't happened.

I have thought over and over about your question, but don't feel I have the strength to do anything. If I did it would be to move close to my daughter and her family, which means another move interstate, changing doctors and sorting out all the financials. It's scary to thing of losing my home and garden. I doubt if I would try for another relationship. It feels overwhelming to even think about. I also feel that it is all my fault that things are quite right and I should work harder.

Thanks for the words, I needed that help.

Thank you for being you and a treasure, hugs, xx

[Lost_Girl]

Hi Wednesday,

I am with you, I don't like aggression either. It sounds like you may need go just accept that those relationships are unreachable and stop expending energy on it. It definitely isn't you lovely. It's all about them and that's something you can't control nor influence by the sounds of ut - let it go.

I'd suggest planning a lovely list of things you may like to do when the opportunity arises. You can then work through it on days P is out with his family.

There's also another option for that beautiful heart of yours. There's such a thing now called "hire a grandma", where you can register to be a surrogate grandma to families that don't have one. It sounds lovely. If you look on the internet you will find lots of info on it. Perhaps this may help you feel more valued.

Big hugs,

Carol xx

[Wednesday]

Hi Carol,

Thank you for the very sweet things you wrote about me, gorgeous of you.

I didn't know about "hire a grandma", I'll look it up, thank you. I'll also look up the "Let it go" song to hum. Talk you treasure.

I hope you went okay today? I'll check your thread.

Hugs, xx

[Lost_Girl]

Thanks lovely, very happy with today. I need to let it go now....I have that song playing nonstop in the back of my mind...grrr....hahaha xx

[Guest_5218]

Carol - yes that song "let it go" from Frozen does really get into your head doesnt it? I also found that after watching the movie for the first time last week. I wasnt aware of the 'hire a grandma' thing either - but what a lovely idea! Perhaps Wednesday can make some enquiries. It could provide an outlet for all that love and caring that she has to spare, and at the same time make her feel useful and valued. I imagine there would be a lot of satisfaction to being a grandma to someone who has none. This is something I'd consider myself, given that mine are all so far away.

Wednesday - I do understand your reluctance to pulling up stumps and moving interstate. With all your very specialised medical issues and treatments, it would be no easy task to organise. And nobody likes the thought of losing a much loved home and garden they have spent a lot of time building up and getting the way they like.

Although the thought of moving closer to your daughter and her family must be very tempting. At least you are welcomed into their lives and they are happy to share themselves with you. I can totally understand your hurt over P's children and grandchildren. But nor is it worth getting upset over, as Carol says perhaps the only option is to 'let it go' and just accept that it isnt going to happen. This is definitely not through any lack of trying on your behalf, so dont blame yourself for any failing in this regard. Plainly they have issues which are not of your making. It is such a shame for the kids though, because they will miss out on the rewards of having a beautiful grandma in you.

Like you, I dont cope well with aggression or confrontation either, and would run a mile to avoid it. So I have no advice at all on that matter. It can be highly upsetting, I agree.

How's your health been the past few days Wednesday? Have you recovered since the hospital stay last week, or was it the week before?

Big hug to you ......... and much love and gratitude for being such a lovely lady.

Sherie xx

[Wednesday]

Hi Carol,

I liked up adopt a grandparent it sounds great and it's across Australia. It does ask for fit and active people. I'm trying but don't quite fit that description. So, I am little hesitant because of my silly health stuff you know the feeling, up one day down the next.. literally, haha.

I hope you're feeling okay after yesterday?

Hugs, xx