unsure what to do

Wednesday · ‎06-07-2016

Hello,

When do you know a relationship is over?

Wednesday · ‎31-08-2016

Hi Emmy,

P emotionally and physically withdrew from me and my daughter. E.g. I made some food that he loves, but doesn't like to share, so he refused to eat it. He promised to help me with my grandson and found lots of reasons to be out of the house. Generally he was passive aggressive, and super anxious. I blame myself and think this is to do with me doing something wrong and try to make it right, but I make it worse.

P gets anxious or denies and gets cross, I placate and disappear. So I have to take the consequences. I don't see that I can move so I just have to make the best of things. It's been good working through it on here though, thanks you for all your help.

I dont expect to live along life and at the moment am over trying to make things better. I have no control over my health and I can see that the new meds have probably failed. My babies are all grown up and capable of running their lives without my input. Sorry I'm really tired and nauseous so too low to be writing at the moment.

Thank you for caring. xx

Guest_5218 · ‎31-08-2016

Hi Ava,

You like my current profile pic? Serene you say - Mmm yes that probably right. Not quite the way I feel though, so perhaps I am just trying to convince myself.

So sorry to hear that your family visit last week was so awkward for you. Honestly the more I hear of what you need to put up with here, the more I feel that you are better off without P in your life. As awful as that may sound. The fact is that he is alienating you from your family, and a chance of happiness. Would it really be so bad to live in 'a shoe box' if it came to that? At least you could live your own life. Your family could still visit and stay nearby if they cant fit into your new shoebox. At least they could still visit you without feeling like they had to walk on eggshells.

I know you are facing genuine problems with physical and monetary limitations, but you are so deserving of being happy in your life Ava. P does not deserve someone as special as you.

Apologies for somewhat disjointed message, I just was so saddened at your last post when I logged on this evening that I had to post a message to you. I havent been on since Sunday, so I hope I havent missed anything important and make a total dill of myself here.

You are a very special lady Ava, please treat yourself as that.

Much love and a big hug to you.

Sherie xx

Wednesday · ‎01-09-2016

Thank you dear Sherie, never yet have you made a dill of yourself!

If only I could get it together to do something. I'm pretty inflamed, which means the new infusion isn't working, which means I should call the specialist...... *&^%&%$

Happy has just wandered in from the garden smelling like he has been through a sewer, so I think I'd better go sort that one out.

Thank you for your post, much love and hugs. Ava, xx

Wednesday · ‎01-09-2016

Okay we are all smelling little better now!

The other thing at the back of mind all the time is am I being fair or too demanding. Are my expectations of what relationship is about realistic? Am I so damaged that there is no hope for me?

There is a family event coming up and the emotions are running high. P's sister(?) has organised for the family to meet at a park near our house. But if the weather is unfavourable they will come here instead! I don't recall her having the entire family (about 20 people) at her place for about 6 or so years, it's hard work. I wasn't asked if it was okay because it's P's house and if he wants to see his children / grandchildren he should be able to have them at his house. I do agree. But they all know how difficult it has been. I offered to go out so there is no icky stuff and got told to instead go away for the weekend.

Sorry venting again. Thank you for your kind words. It's hard to thing of my self as special, even my parents didn't want me! I was shocked by what my daughter said and would reply to anyone as you have.

Sherie how do you deal with / manage Grumpy, he must have some similar tendencies?

Lots of storming from P and lots of placating from me, as I said I may be getting this all upside down.

Love and lots of hugs, some extra's for on the shelf for when you need an additional one. xx

Lost_Girl · ‎01-09-2016

Hi Wednesday,

Search on google for "passive abusive relationships", the first search result should be "10 signs of a passive-agressive relationship" from psychology today. Have a read, from what you have described this fits P. If you feel this fits then you can start looking up how to deal with that type of personality if you choose to stay.

Big hugs xx

Emmy. · ‎01-09-2016

Oh hun I don't know I'd cope if my partner told to go away for the weekend (crying for you beautiful). I'd feel like he was rejecting me. Is this how you feel? You deserve so much better than this! You're not to demanding at all - far from it. Perhaps not demanding enough which has lead P to take advantage of your nature. I know I've said it before but I really think this relationship is unhealthy for you. A relationship should work both ways. Give and take. But from what you tell us I feel like P does all the taking and you do all the giving. Don't get me wrong from time to time I know the balance can be out one needs more help than the other. But hun at the moment that's you. You deserve P to be taking care of you. I wish I could reach out and give you a big proper hug Wednesday. Thinking of you. Love, Emmy xx

Wednesday · ‎02-09-2016

Hi Carol,

Thanks so much for your post. I read a lot about passive aggression since I read it. There are certainly a lot of markers. You've given me a lot of food for thought thank you. I have a lot more thinking to do.

I so hope that you're having a good day.

Hugs. xx

Wednesday · ‎02-09-2016

Hi Emmy,

I like your smiley, happy picture is that you?

I was quite shattered at the go away for a weekend suggestion. When he left this morning he was nice it is so confusing. No kiss goodbye tho and he will be away overnight.

As always it can't be just one person and I need to really carefully look at my own behaviour too.

I've got lots to think about from the information Carol passed on. Really I'm just exhausted I'm looking forward to a bed to myself tonight and hopefully a good nights sleep.

You must be on you trip or close to it, I'll have to check your thread. I hope it turns out wonderfully for you.

Hugs, xx

Emmy. · ‎02-09-2016

Wednesday said:
As always it can't be just one person and I need to really carefully look at my own behaviour too.

I'm so sorry hun I don't think I've made myself clear. You don't need to look at your behaviour. It's P that needs to look at his behaviour.

Yes that was me in the photo.

Sorry again Wednesday. Xx

Wednesday · ‎02-09-2016

You're so sweet Emmy.

P tells me that I don't have a lot of insight into myself and that I act like a victim around his family. So I just need to think it through and be sure in my head. I don't want to be a fraud. Maybe I haven't been fair in my explanation of our relationship on here. I need to be sure that I've been fair.

Hugs, xx