unsure what to do

[Wednesday]

Hello,

When do you know a relationship is over?

[Wednesday]

Hi Sherie, Emmy and James,

Thank you all so much for checking in for me.

I'just saying hello. It's been a tough week, so many things have happened. Daughter and grandson go home tomorrow. I'm exhausted! I'll write again soon.

Love and hugs to you all. xxx

[Guest_5218]

Thanks Ava for the quick update. I look forward to hearing more about whats been happening.

Yes I'll bet you would be exhausted after having your little grandson to yourself all week. They are wonderful to have around, but boy they sure can be exhausting!

You say that many things have happened. I hope mainly good things?

I plan on taking a bit of a break, for however long it takes. But I will check in from time to time on my long term support threads, just to keep a bit of a check on you all. (-:

Love and hugs back to you.

Sherie xx

[Wednesday]

Dear Serie,

I love your serene picture.

I'm pretty inflamed at the moment so I'll explain briefly.

My Grandson was great he has changed a lot and is more of little boy now than a toddler. He talks non stop and thinks deeply about things. We went to a lot of parks mainly to tire him out! He was fun to be with and has a great imagination.

P was out of the house mostly and my daughter (D) worked a couple of the days. GS loved P who played cars with him and read stories.

P's anxiety went through the roof and the household vibe was uncomfortable. He did silly childlike things. It felt like I was being punished. He said that was not the case.

D told me the atmosphere in the house was so uncomfortable, she was walking on eggshells all the time and she wouldn't be coming back to stay. In part she does expect a lot of me when she comes home and is used to a different lifestyle. Mum, can you, mum where is, mum etc. I can't multi task anymore. We could never live together.

D, did ask about my treatments I cried. She cried too.

I was tense, trying to please everyone and exhausted. It was too much for me.

love and hugs. xx

[Lost_Girl]

Hi Wednesday,

I am so sorry you were put in such a difficult situation. That your daughter feels she can't visit anymore must be devastating.

I understand about not being able to live together. I loved my Mum to pieces but we were very different in how we liked to do things though surprisingly when I went home to care for her it wasn't as bad as I thought. However I didn't have children then and she was more amenable because she needed me.

I am sad that you felt you were being punished by P. Can I ask what he did to make you feel that way?

Gentle hugs xx

[Wednesday]

Hi Carol,

I hope you're in a better space today with less pain.

P emotionally and physically withdrew from me and my daughter. E.g. I made some food that he loves, but doesn't like to share, so he refused to eat it. He promised to help me with my grandson and found lots of reasons to be out of the house. Generally he was passive aggressive, and super anxious. I blame myself and think this is to do with me doing something wrong and try to make it right, but I make it worse. I try to placate my daughter and fail there too, she's smart and can see what is going on.

P is used to having me to himself.

I'll get there, but I should have expected the outcome. My daughter is a strong woman and not inclined to take any nonsense. I love her to bits.

My grandson was too young to understand, but he didn't sleep well.

I have to stop typing, my hands are turning into footballs!

Hugs, xx

[Lost_Girl]

Oh Wednesday 😞

I am sorry to hear about your hands, I hope having a rest will help.

I am strong willed like your daughter. I also like to get everything I want without compromising. I thought of another idea.

What if you moved somewhere affordable but close enough for P to visit and stay over. This way when his anxiety is too much for you to cope with he can stay at his home and it gives you a break.

• It would mean you can have your family over whenever you want.

• It would mean he can have his family at his house when he wants.

• It means you can make friends and have them over as you like without making him feel anxious.

If things stay as they are it sounds like he is not only isolating you from his family but from yours and from having friends. Would he be enough, just him and noone else?

Perhaps being independent will give you both what you need?

Please rest up, just food for thought.

Me xx

[Wednesday]

Hi sweetie,

Thank you for thinking of me. I have thought about your suggestion before. But.. selling up our house would leave me living in a shoe box size apartment, which I would hate. I doubt there would be enough money to have somewhere they could stay anyway.

I think I am stuck because of so many things. I'm unlikely to ever be able to work again so have to manage on what Super I have accrued to date and it's not much.

I do need to make sure that I am as independent as I can be though. A second car would help.

You're a treasure thank you.

Hugs, xx

[Lost_Girl]

I wish things were easier for you lovely.

[Wednesday]

Thank you.

Hugs, xx

[Emmy.]

Sorry to hear that you had an exhausting time while your daughter and grandson were staying with you. It's a shame that P acted childish and that your daughter feels she cannot stay with you again. That must have been upsetting on both parts.

May I ask what P did and what his response was when you raised the issue with him?

Are you still considering a move. I see you mention if you sold the house you'd only be able to afford a shoe box - wouldn't that be better than feeling like you are? (I mean this with good intentions and from a kind place). It cannot be good for your health this stress at home.

Oh Wednesday big hugs I wish I could make it all better. Emmy xx