unsure what to do

Wednesday · ‎06-07-2016

Hello,

When do you know a relationship is over?

Guest_5218 · ‎16-08-2016

Hi there Wednesday. I'm glad that you took the step to seek some relationship counselling, but sad that it was of no help in your case. Hopefully P will finally seek some help from his GP for his anxiety. I know he still works, often from home. I think I recall reading way back that he will be retiring in the near future? Do you think that he may be more willing to seek some relief from his anxiety once he retires? Or perhaps once he retires, he will no longer suffer from anxiety? Is it mostly work-related issues that he gets anxious about, or is it a whole range of things?

Hey, how lovely that your daughter is coming to visit next week. And even better that you get to babysit your little grandson, and spend some quality grandma time with him. How old was he? It does sound as though your days are going to be very full whilst he is with you. Exhausting ........... But such fun. (-:

Love you you Wednesday.

Sherie xx

Lost_Girl · ‎16-08-2016

Hi Wednesday,

I am very excited for you for next week. How lovely! Your grandson is going to love all of those activities! Best grandma ever!

Carol xx

Wednesday · ‎17-08-2016

Hello dear Sherie,

Another big day for today, hope it goes well, hugs.

P's anxiety is non stop (general and social anxiety) and can be about anything no matter how small, it's not rational and I think there is a part of him that knows that. I've covered all the territory of possible help with him and he doesn't believe it will help him. My job today is to find a psych that specialises in anxiety and CBT, he has had some relief using CBT in the past and I'm going to suggest a top up visit. I've talked about how big an impact his severe anxiety has had on his life. He on one level knows that the job he has is about avoiding people and caused him a lot of unnecessary stress.

I have some anxiety issues and can relate, but my life has forced me to do things and maybe that actually helped me. I needed to keep my children safe and have no family so had no choice but to feel the fear and do it anyway! I'm not saying I'm a poster girl, anxiety is really hard, depression is the thing that brings me undone the most.

I am so looking forward to my 2.5 year old grandsons visit, he is such fun and has a fabulous sense of humour. A deep thinker, todays children are all quite spectacular. His mum will stay here and travel into the city for work. There is a part of me scared witless, I haven't had him for so long before and worried how I will cope, but somehow I will. There is always another tablet (for me not him) and another cup of coffee. I wouldn't miss the time with him for anything. It would be nice to see his dad too but it's all to expensive and difficult for him to travel as well.

I hope your okay Sherie, love and hugs. xx

Wednesday · ‎17-08-2016

Oh Carol you sweetheart,

I do love children and talk to them all when I'm out, I probably look like creepy old lady! GS is of course absolutely adorable. he has always had a great sense of humour. He was showing a toy car he said mummy sits here and daddy sits here, which I of course took very seriously. Then he looked at me and laughed and said no they are all too big to fit. I never quite know what he will be. Recently (via Skype) he told me he was a giraffe with a long neck so he can eat the leaves high in the tree, then he suddenly turned into a pterodactyl to fly through the trees.

I hope all you babies are now well and the bug isn't been shared around! Wishing you a great day.

Hugs, xx

Emmy. · ‎17-08-2016

Your grandson sounds like a delight Wednesday 🙂 How nice to have something to look forward to! I babysat my best friends son the other day so she could go and get her hair done and it was such fun. I was so anxious but when my friend left I was all this little guy had to look after him and I soon forgot my fears and just enjoyed the time with him. It even gave me some confidence. Look at what I did. I was ok. I'm sure it'll be the same for you too. Xx

Wednesday · ‎17-08-2016

Thanks Emmy,

Great to hear of your babysitting experience. You're right you are all they have, little cuties! Best of all I get play with play dough, cars, make mud pies and read stories!

xx

Wednesday · ‎20-08-2016

I just need to talk. I'm feeling really awful I haven't been able to sleep well because I've been so achy, everyjoint every joint and muscle, is my chest has been really tight for weeks now. I've had antibiotics so it could be the end of a cold or something. I feel really shattered so many parts my body are working well. I don't know what's helping and what's not helping, there is always another tablet to take. I seem to be having a non-stop panic attack for weeks. I keep telling myself that this is just a moment and it will change. But you know it's not going to change. T are you you youhis is my life.

P is being distance and I feel like I'm being punished. He hates it when I invite people over to the house, his anxiety goes through the roof. My daughter and grandson are due on Monday and it's turning into a nightmare. He's out at the moment so I'm just writing there's no need to reply. I just have to get these tears out.

We had another useless conversation about his family this morning.

I cannot leave it is unrealistic. I haven't the ability. I used to have what happened to that? What happened to that person that kept fighting, the one that raised children and worked multiple jobs to do so including paying of my ex's debts and surviving so many things. I remember she was crushed a lot of the time, exhausted and severely depressed. But I was tough I figured it out somehow. My job were about solving problems fixing major projects, divisions and things that were going wrong and now look at me.

I can't even take my dog for a walk today. I can't breathe anymore.

Emmy. · ‎20-08-2016

Oh Hun .....I'm sorry you're in so much pain and feeling like you're having a continued panic attack. Plus with the added stress from P about your daughter and grandson coming. I wish I could give you a big hug a real one! Hold onto hope, you can get through this. Do you have an appointment soon with your doctor so you can talk about how you're feeling?

I'm here for you hun, to wipe away your tears and comfort you.

and remember you're still that strong woman... She's just having a tough time at the moment.

with love xx

Lost_Girl · ‎20-08-2016

Big hugs Wednesday.

It sounds like everything is overwhelming and you feel trapped in yourself. Keep breathing.

When I work I do similar work to what you did. I find it incredibly hard right now that my mind is slow and I can't solve even 1 thing at the moment let alone multi-task on 6 or 7 things at once.

Is it possible to open up and talk to your daughter about how you are feeling while she is here. Perhaps she will have ideas on how to help. Perhaps she might suggest you go stay with them a while. Some time away to relax, to think, to breathe.

I think sometimes daughter's are underestimated. I remember wishing Mum had been more open with me. I know she was protecting me but she didn't need to. Perhaps you will find some of that resilience, the fight, that you feel you is missing, is in your daughter.

Aside from the physical pain, that is no doubt exacerbated by the bug, you sound so incredibly sad. You sound resigned to being miserable with P because you can't see a way to either resolve it or leave.

Talk to your daughter lovely. If she is anything like you, she will do anything for you. Trust in her.

Big gentle hugs xxx

Guest_5218 · ‎20-08-2016

Oh Wednesday, I am so very sorry. Everything has combined to get you down right now hasnt it? So many things happening, so much to battle on a daily basis. You have been so strong and supportive to, and for, everyone else here and at the same time you have been neglecting your own needs.

Of course you are strong .. you have been through so much in your life, and have needed to demonstrate that strength many times over. We all get tired of battling sooner or later, and you've had more to battle than anyone.

Does P know how bad you are feeling right now? Does he care, or is he so wrapped up in his own anxiety that he either doesnt see it, or cant care?

I know you have an uncertain medical situation it must feel as though you will never feel any better. But medical science is amazing and they are finding cures/remedies for things they never thought possible once. You may feel as though you are a bit of a guinea pig as far as experimentation, but its worth it Wednesday. For both yourself and others who need similar treatment.

Amongst all your pills and potions, do you take anything to assist sleep? It may be worthwhile asking your GP for something, as lack of sleep just magnifies everything, and blinds us to reality.

You are dealing with such a lot Wednesday, but I do ask you to please breath. Do your breathing as you know you need to. What is it for you - breath in for a count of 5 and out for a count of 5? For me its breath in through the nose for 7, hold for count of 3, and out through the mouth for 9.

Please breath, and dont worry about Happy. He doesnt need to go for a walk every day. He just wants to be with you. I hope that when your daughter and grandson arrives on Monday that it will give you a bit of a boost. And also to provide you with the will to improve your life, and to counteract your current lack of purpose.

I wish there was something I could do Wednesday. I so wish ........

My love and respect goes to you Wednesday.

Sherie xx