This bipolar life

Kazzl · ‎13-06-2016

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

quirkywords · ‎03-09-2023

Do people see themselves as neurodivergent.?
I wish the term was around when I was growing up it may have mad me feel less of a weirdo.

Airies · ‎04-09-2023

Quirky,

I have to admit I had to google it to find out its meaning. It does explain a lot.

asdff · ‎04-09-2023

Yes Quirky I am neurodivergent. Do I want to be? Oh hell no. I would give anything to not feel the way I do on a daily basis. I waste so much time thinking. I’ve also heard to term neuro spicy.

quirkywords · ‎04-09-2023

Asdff I see neurodivergent as embracing difference.

aries I googled it when I first heard it.

laundrylady · ‎05-09-2023

didnt really understand the neuro divergent meaning but that is not unusual. My big dog has had bad bottom for the last 4 nights. He wakes me to go outside 7 times a night, I kid you not. I am totally over my park drama as my perspective is now on being loving and nursing Fella. Today we saw the vet and, the vet receptionist told me the park incident was posted on facebook by a witness, and by far the majority comments agreed that I was doing no harm. I dont use facebook, I have heard it is hurtful and after reading some things written about the ignorant women. I felt validated but not victorious

quirkywords · ‎05-09-2023

Laundry Lady

neurodivergent is just recognising some peoples brains work differently. Started off referring to autism and ADHD but many others have been included

laundrylady · ‎06-09-2023

At my annual GP visit I was seen by a GP who was trained in London and he asked me if I am Aboriginal or Torrens Strait Islander. And I said no I'm hear about the Bipolar. I only go to the medical center once a year I really hate the treatment. Thanks I get the divergent thing and I know that my thinking is left of center. Like a neighbor told me how she wishes that she didn't see the moment her dog fell down unconscious as it is now the last memory she has. My response, your proximity to your dog would have been a comfort to the dog. I saw her face and knew the next time I see her it will be on the other side of the street. It is hard and life is unfair.

quirkywords · ‎06-09-2023

Laundrylady I would have said something similar to your neighbour.

I have said things that were meant to be comforting but have been taken as uncaring. Now I just say I am sorry for your loss.

velvetfaerie · ‎06-09-2023

LAWD I have a lot to catch up on. Sorry.

I'm OK! I've just been busy and going down rabbit holes learning about things.

laundrylady · ‎08-09-2023

Since the ignorant old women had a go at me I have been hypervigilant. Today a child walked too close to my dog and I did not stop because my dog heels and he is childproof. The large mother bellowed What The Blank Is Wrong With You. Such a relief to know it was her kid she was insulting. I know sorry for your loss is socially acceptable and it is smart and it is safe and wise, probably why I never remember to use it. rabbit holes?