This bipolar life

Kazzl · ‎13-06-2016

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

asdff · ‎30-08-2023

I am watching At Home With The Fury’s on Netflix, it’s a documentary/soap on Tyson Fury and his family life. Tyson is a world champion heavyweight boxer, he also has bipolar. I find it fascinating and insightful. His wife Paris gives her take on things saying things like “I know when he is in a mood, he can’t snap out of it”. Bingo! Tyson says things like “He knows when there is a change of mood and he tries not to take it out on people around him”. Tyson’s Dad, Jack ( I think) is in the show too and says he suffers from a mental health illness, he doesn’t specify which one. I suspect bipolar as it runs in families. Jack says “the key to all mental health suffers is exercise”. This comment had me nodding and agreeing with them. Tyson also does things like what I do, he gets all enthusiastic about booking or looking for a holiday, then he has time to overthink and changes his mind. I do that kind of stuff.

I just thought I would share and I’m happy that a world famous person is putting the spotlight on our illness.

laundrylady · ‎30-08-2023

Just had a look at Tyson Fury and good on him. I do the exercise thing we cross train for now I ride in circles on a track with my dog Fella leashed to a pole that is attached to my bike. That is what I was doing when the stranger called me lazy. So now we go at 6am to avoid that type of person. My dog is hound x kelpie he loves to run, it is actually rugged riding with him and I give it my all. So yes I agree its both possible and good to burn off bad energy.

quirkywords · ‎30-08-2023

Asdff I have never heard of Tyson but good on him to speak honestly.

i have mention her before but Patty Duke whose real name was Anna write books about bipolar previously called manic depressionShe lead the way for other actors to be open about mental health.
i owe patty dukes book and interviews when I was in denial in the 1980s.

thanks Asdff I don’t have Netflix but is sounds interesting.

there has been a doco made about Craig Hamilton.

laundrylady · ‎31-08-2023

I will match you with Robbie Williams autobiography Reveal. Robbie epitomizes bipolar and I wish we could all own and wear a hot pink suit.

asdff · ‎31-08-2023

I didn’t know Robbie Williams had bipolar or maybe I did and I forgot. I know of Patty Duke, again I didn’t know she had bipolar. I do know Mariah Carey and James Packer both have it and they were in a relationship. That blows my mind, it is hard enough with one bipolar person and one non bipolar person, let alone two. I call that a recipe for disaster.

quirkywords · ‎31-08-2023

Laundrylady, I may be showing my age but I am not sure Robbie Williams is. I have heard of Mariah Carey and James packer.
Asdff, I think having someone who understands you but having to people who are high profile and very needy would be chaos.
How is everyone going?

laundrylady · ‎01-09-2023

worst morning ever, 2 old ladies accosted me at the park, for running my dog. They said I was abusing him when he had only run 3km our target was 5km today. They did this to me in front of smoking teachers. It felt like a total set up. The more loud old lady actually wanted me to hand over my dog. Pushing me around will cause me to snap and I did. I told them to mind their own business and to focus on their own fat barking off leash dog as it is an on leash area. The internet has made people stupid. Their are ramifications for sticking your beak in and accusing and humiliating someone just going about their business. I find it so hard to contain my violent tendency. Some how I knew punching the, in my face one would look bad in court, When I was younger I had less restraint. It was the teachers that probably stopped me and saved me today. I finished my 2km and each lap the old ladies, who were sitting watching, kept making unkind comments. What is that dish best served cold, without a doubt I got to get my old green and gold cook book out.

laundrylady · ‎02-09-2023

Found a new area around the golf course to run my dog. Parks seem to be too full of people these days. My anger and humiliation from how I was treated has not reduced. I am not interested in food because I am angry. Last night the dog woke me 8 times he had, loose craps over and over. THAT is how sensitive this dog is, he got sick because I was so out of kilter. You can only imagine the back yard this morning- it looked like paint ball mania. Dog seems ok now.

asdff · ‎03-09-2023

Laundry Lady I also have explosive anger. I can only contain things for so long, then it comes out like hot lava. I’m glad you’ve found a quieter place to exercise.

We are grieving and boy does it suck. I just think we will see our family member again, he lived a drive away from us. Alas, he won’t be there after our drive. The bipolar is not helping the grieving, it feel so down then slightly up.

Airies · ‎03-09-2023

Laundry lady, another one here who blows his top when things get too much. I rolled my ankle , the operated one yesterday on stone in our garden.It’s ok I think but after all I’ve been through it’s the last thing I need.

Asdff, cut yourself some slack, you been through a lot.

I’m getting a new tattoo. First was 10 years back. Mid life crisis and bipolar in one.

Spring has arrived