This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[laundrylady]

My better half calls this my confessional. I am noticing the mental divergent more now that I am aware. Some  conversations  just happen and even if I am in a good mood, my opinion is taken as though I just farted. And a lot of people dislike farts.

[asdff]

Laundry Lady, I like the way your partner calls this your confessional. It is, although we don’t have to do something because we have sinned. We aren’t here to judge, just accept.

I wonder if the big crash into depression is coming? I had a late night on Friday, something I very rarely do. As it it can trigger crashes. I made up the sleep last night. I actually didn’t get the usual question “So what do you do?” In the social situation I was in on Friday night. Let me tell you, how refreshing that was. 

[laundrylady]

asdff very funny name it just rolls along the keys.. so happy to see no fool asked you that boring question. Tomorrow I plan to ride with my dog again, I have only done it once since I was accused of animal abuse. That nonsense has shaken me up a bit so it will be a 5am ride to avoid opinionated people. We don't use the dog park to exercise, I find dog parks dysfunctional, if we could just put the dogs in and keep the humans out, then it would work better.

[quirkywords]

Asdff, I agree best if that some questions are not asked. 
how is everyone . 

[Airies]

Quirky,

The sun is out. I love the rays of the sun these days. My body is so sore. 3 months of inactivity and I’m paying for it. But that’s ok.

[laundrylady]

 Good to see others are well. I had to use a change room to try on clothes today. I came home having bought nothing and feeling like Bertie beach ball. Why does the medication have to add fluid, it does not make my depression any better. I don't diet I find it makes food stressful then lettuce tastes like grass and yoghurt tastes like clag glue. Now I feel like chocolate ice cream  

[quirkywords]

As well as having long covid I now have covid for 2nd time and just feel tired and a bit dizzy.
I am ok .Think my brain has gone to mush.

Laundry lady I think ice cream has medicinal qualities

Aries. The sun without the wind is calming. 

[asdff]

Sorry to hear you have Covid for a second time Quirky. I’m also sorry to hear the change room experience wasn’t pleasant Laundry Lady. Airies that sucks that you’ve been inactive. Have you been doing other things outside of the home or around the home? Spending time in the garden, doing puzzles etc? 

[Susie Rose]

Quirky, that's awful to have long covid and covid for 2nd time. Look after yourself and reach out for help if you need it. We are self-isolating a bit this week to avoid any bugs before we go to hospital for baby 2. Bipolar and a bit of hayfever we can handle, but covid now would be bad timing. I hope I haven't jinxed it!

Airies, the sunshine is beautiful this week! So nice to warm up my sore muscles and get fresh air through the house. Our old house has been awful through winter, so dark and cold with the heating broken. Looking forward to summer 🙂

Does anyone feel a bit of Seasonal Affective Disorder with their bipolar? The change of seasons definitely affects me a little bit, sometimes a lot. Seems to affect my mum too, although she hasn't acknowledged it yet.

[asdff]

Yes Susie Rose, I get S.A.D. The weather definitely affects my mood, I like Spring because we generally have mild weather where I live but tomorrow is going to be stormy 😞 Good luck with baby no.2, we love babies in this house.