This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[laundrylady]

Sorry to read Quirky has Covid again. I have had interfering pedestrian again. I have ridden a new path with my dog and I am super polite and yet a woman confronted me and said that I can not be using the walkway. Legally I can she just doesnt like my mode of transport. What is it with people these days, if I were pushing a double pram she would not complain. This happened at 5.40 am, this woman must get out of bed just itching to be offended. We have only been in this town nearly one year and the people are terrible. Its the heavy metals that make the kids IQ lower and as adults they are pigs.

[quirkywords]

Thanks Susie, Asdff and Laundry lady,

new baby is exciting. I wish you all the best.

Asdff I am be grumpy in any season but as I get older the very cold weather gets into my brain and bones. 

[laundrylady]

Better ride this morning I have returned to the old park at 5.15 am which is a little spooky. I guess as summer comes on that time will get earlier. Spring no longer effects me as I am no spring chicken but my dog has become rowdy on dusk, he's still young and can be a handful.

[Airies]

Asdff,

I watched lots of tv, did my rehab exercises ad nauseum and it just took time. 
Suzi Rose, lucky you with another bugs. I can’t wait to be a Grand Parent.

Quirky feel for you copping Covid a second time. Hoping you recover quickly.

We are all special here, but you are extra special.

[Airies]

Suzi Rose ,typos galore.

Velvet I hope you’re doing ok.

Suns out yippee 

[laundrylady]

 dealing with small town syndrome can be a downer, and then I think Wow it must feel like bitter to be them. We have a large dust storm set to hit this afternoon, the internet will drop out. But the bonus is the impending weather has made my large dog clingy which I am really enjoying. Belly rubbing the 40kg baby  

[quirkywords]

Aries, 

you are so kind. I don’t feel special at the moment. I am stuck at home. Our relationship depends on me not being home during the day , but I am told how I should be home and I do too much outside the home!! now I am home I am told to be quiet as partner is buay. Grrr I really need my routine and to leave the house and volunteer. Sorry for the rant.

Velvet, Lisa, how are tou? 
Aries, Asdff , Laundry lady and Suzi  rose   How are you all ?

[quirkywords]

Susie sorry for typo. hope all goes well with baby and you

Question for everyone.

Has any used CBT to help with pain management or do you have a technique that helps with chronic pain. ?

[laundrylady]

Quirky sorry to see your domestic turmoil. I tried CBT but not for pain management. I found CBT complicated my better half explains CBT as you take a poo and then you polish it. As I have said I deep breath. First I was angry and I mean churning can't eat angry about being judged by others, then the under current sank and I felt so disgusted by other humans. I saw something awful happen and I felt so indifferent, usually I would care but no I just thought I can't deal with any more shit. After I realised that depression had crept up, so I have bought the chocolate ice cream to kick start the lift back to my version of normal. It is uncomfortable having BP.

[asdff]

Quirky I hear through lots of people around retirement age say the relationship changes when both people are at home. I’m

not sure how I will go when my husband retires, I will probably do my thing and he will do his thing. it’s a fair way off.

 I’m coming into the depressive part of the cycle. No one likes that part. It comes in thick and fast. I’m going to try and not dip too far. We’ve had a just few weeks, parties, appointments. We have one more week of school. My psychologist says I should think about trying to change the All or Nothing Approach. I thought you might know that approach Airies? I think isn’t that bipolar? We go flat out and then fall into a heap. so blergh these feelings suck.