This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[asdff]

Hello, All okay here. Keeping to my routines as much as possible. Airies, the TV is a great way to pass time. I am in front of it a lot. Quirky, I know our form of tiredness I hope you pick up a bit soon. Velvet and Lisa I hope you are okay? 

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone 

I like YouTube for interesting programmes. I have not worked out podcast yet as I am not into apps. 
Do people have a trick when family members say something critical , I don’t. Want to be critical but I don’t want to be a doormat. 

[asdff]

Hi Quirky, If I am in a bad way, I fire back when they are critical. I definitely ruminate over it later though. If I’m an okay place, I ignore it at the time and ruminate on it later. I think it’s called rejection sensitivity. 

[quirkywords]

I relate to what you wrote Asdff .rejection sensitivity  is my name.!!!

[Airies]

Hi folks.I just fire back. Don’t know whether It’s a protective mechanism for a sign of getting older.When I was younger my wouldn’t say boo.

Re the tv Asdff there’s no much stuff to binge on.

Quirky I watch a lot of really old movies from the net. 

[velvetfaerie]

Hey dudes, 

Very busy here but going ok. 

I have no tricks with handling critical, nasty people except being fair, reasonable and honest with examples. 

Work is amusing. Big fat I told you so's are on the front door step!!!

[Lisa611]

It depends what mood I'm in if I fire back. Usually I say nothing and then ruminate for ages. I'm very passive. 

[quirkywords]

Thank every one for your feedback. My trouble is if I don’t react to criticism I feel like a doormat  but if I respond calmly I am called passive aggressive.

[velvetfaerie]

I fire back now too. My parents are being ridiculous. Mum spent a week in hospital with sepsis. Dad didn't bother to tell me. They won't engage with me regarding a plan about me helping them at home, because my dad seems to want me to give my time, energy and money to looking after them when I'm on my own and can't afford to drop work hours. Oh, and they are well off financially as well.

Mums used guilt and dad uses silence. They want me to predict their needs and destroy myself in the process.

My fair and reasonable request to discuss fairly and reasonably stands as do my boundaries.

This is also the same with work. 

Unexpected sudden things are one thing, glaring and obvious things one can see happening in the near future ? NO EXCUSE !!!

[asdff]

BP has been so bad. We’ve had a child that isn’t eating much, been to the dr, run blood tests. Now we have to give them nutritional drinks, multivitamins and weigh the child. It’s doing my head in. People say there is a problem with overweight kids, how about underweight kids? I’ve not been able to get kid into a mental health counsellor. Yet. Even though I was on phone for two days last week, trying to get help.