This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Airies]

Thanks Quirky and Asdff, I missed being here. Nothing like sleeping in your own bed. It’s cold here also plus hospital was very warm.I’m sure everything I’ve been through mentally and physically has made me stronger .My dog can sense I’m not quite right wary of my wheelchair and other aids. I hope you are all travelling ok 

[velvetfaerie]

That's a big difference Airies. Glad you're back. I agree. There's nothing like your own bed. People who have endured difficult things and come out the other side are definitely strong! 

Can you take doggo for a spin on the chair with you? Hehe.

I will be booking a specialist appointment and surgery soon. I need an endometrial ablation. Out of all the options to manage my blood loss that is the most ideal and logical.

The weather here is the pits. 

I've done some yoga at least. 

All is ok here. Just ticking along. Learning things about stuff. Just random things and relevant things.

[quirkywords]

I still am having tests for my tiredness and breathlessness etc,

First time in my life I have a Dr who wants to look at body parts other than my brain, ie it’s all in your head!!
can anyone relate.

[quirkywords]

Velvet ,

I hope your surgery is soon and helpful. 

[velvetfaerie]

Medical gaslighting is infuriating. 

At least you're making progress Quirky.

Yeh I finally emailed the Dr ahahah.

[velvetfaerie]

It sucks when you're the only single person you know. Everyone plans and does things with other families or partnered up people. It's been 6 weeks since my birthday and the promises from a few have so far evaporated.

I'm just forgotten when it comes to social events. When they have things go wrong or whatever, oh that's all Velv is good for. I'm very angry and hurt. I won't be available anymore for their soap operas. 

I am glad I've joined a singles group. I've met them once. They're really cool. It's about being social and not focussed on meeting a partner. 

I don't like how my father has scape goated me for decades. He participates in volunteer stuff for medical student training. Helps friends. His only other family. I legit don't exist. Ever. Unless I make the effort.

I'm feeling down atm. Thank you for listening. Xx

[Lisa611]

Hi All....V when I moved after my marriage broke down I didn't know anybody. I joined a sole parent singles group. I wasn't looking to meet anybody I just joined for the company. I think it's a good thing for you...meeting new people. I hope everyone else is doing OK. How are you Airies, Asdff and Quirky? I've just been working and seeing my family on weekends. We went for a drive yesterday which was nice. Had some lunch down the coast. I sold my house. It settles in 2 weeks. School holidays soon! Yay! 

[quirkywords]

 Velvet

sorry you are feeling down, 

I have friends who are single and others who have partners but I often feel isolated and left out. I had people invite people to a party in front of me as if I was not there. 
I am sorry how your dad treated you. You are a caring and kind person.

[quirkywords]

Lisa

thanks for your update. 
I am ok but tired.

how is everyone. 

[Airies]

Velvet, i hope all goes well with your surgery.Lisa sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Love your positivity.Quirky hope you are travelling well. How cold is it?Asdff hope you are doing ok ?

I’ve got another 6 weeks in a moon boot and recovery to take 6 weeks. Surgeon is happy but it’s touch being housebound.I tell myself every minute is a minute closer to walking normal and resuming normal activities. Bonus we picked up a cheap tv for the bedroom. Nothing flush but it will do the job