This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

Asdff

so sorry about your child. 
Have you contacted the butterfly foundation 1800334673

They have qualified counsellors who will listen.

i rang once about a friends adult child and the listened and were supportive. 

[Airies]

Asdff, I hope you and your child get the much needed help you need. Not sure of your private health insurance but I know the private clinic I was at had inpatient and outpatient programs covering this.

[asdff]

Thanks Quirky and Airies. I am waiting for the next appointment with our GP, he will give us a referral for one of the places. I should read up on our private health for psychology. 

[asdff]

Who else gets headaches with Bipolar or other symptoms that aren’t often mentioned? I get an upset stomach too. We have a trip planned a few days away from the city 🤞crossed everyone behaves themselves. There is no escaping each other, well I can go on walking. 

[quirkywords]

Asdff

I get gastric pains headache and dizziness. 

[Airies]

I get tension headaches usually from unintentionally gritting my teeth. Lastweelk headaches every day. Panadol helps for me for my headaches and foot pain.Hope you have an enjoyable time away.

[quirkywords]

A question .

How does everyone know when you may need more help.and what help is needed.
I a m sure it varies . For me I get more emotional a cry at slightest thing. I need to write more and understand what I need. If you need time away for your mental health, where do you go or do you have a place to go. 

[quirkywords]

Hello

Aries Asdff, Lisa, Velvet and everyone reading. 
how is everyone. Feel share anything from your life you would like to. 

[asdff]

Quirky, I am slightly better than in the past as in I don’t breakdown as often. I used to have a complete meltdown every three months, maybe more frequent? For me it’s like the straw that broke the camel’s back, I can take so much. For others (non bipolar people) the things that bother me would seem insignificant; having too many social events and/or too many appointments. This will lead to my meltdowns. So if I am needed more help, like I did two weeks ago. I left the house it was the weekend and my family were all home, I wanted to do something with them. The people pleasing part of me was trying to get them somewhere they might all enjoy and then hey didn’t want to for various reasons. I left the house anyway they stayed home. I cried in my car and just got away from them.

I’m hanging out for school to go back. I need my routines. 

[velvetfaerie]

I don't get to go away as I have no one to house sit. I haven't been away for a break in 12 years.

I've been super busy with work being an absolute dumpster fire of biblical proportions. Mum was really sick and in hospital. 

I have also realised I have no sense of belonging anywhere. Friends leave me out unless it serves an agenda.

I try to be proactive in friend groups but there's no point. Every time I try to include myself in conversations I'm ignored or spoken over.

I belong no where. Tonight was the last straw.