Thinking about death.... all the time...

[Guest_1643]

Hi all

I've been struggling for 3 weeks with suicidal thoughts

My new GP is amazing

He tells me to think of suicidal thoughts as a symptom maybe a solution

Could he be right?

Today he assigned someone to give me a call to check in on my safety. I don't think that will happen. I've not received the call.
Small things like this lead to rage, hurt and fear for me.

And so I am left to deal with the thoughts alone.

[Guest_1643]

Hi Golden
I know how hard this time of year can be and agree that taking time in bed can be self-care for u. I know it's sort of hard to be out and about. I'm sure you needed that break on xmas day. I'm sorry it is a triggering and hard time and i'm sure many here understand that...

I spoke to the Triage x2 on xmas eve with one time being helpful and one being a complete waste of time. But my gp told me to call them if I needed to. I felt at least good to remember, in a moment of need that they were there. I don't always know where to turn sometimes. It is so triggering now to realise how alone I am without family, they really don't reach out to me at all and whenever we speak it's all about them. I feel sad about that but even sadder around this time of year. I know it is a very tricky one over these holiday periods

[Delectable]

Thank you Sleepy, I wish I could help you but all I can do is listen to your words, I am sorry if I have triggered you regarding your heritage, I sincerely hope you can access the help you need, take care.

[Guest_1643]

Hi RoopK i'm so sorry you are struggling and in pain

i know it can feel horrible having these thoughts and a week can feel very long. I hope ur okay today.

[Guest_1643]

I feel a bit better although also a bit out of it

its hard to concentrate as all the dark thought have drained me

I'm so happy I have a really good GP and looking forward to seeing him in one week when he comes back from leave

i just want to feel that something is in motion for safety etc.... something small even.

my neighbours have been having loud xmas parties and it's a bit much right now.

[Guest_1643]

hey delectable no worries at all. u have nothing to worry about 🙂

[Guest_1643]

Hey mm i'm sorry you felt suicidal ideation while on those drugs. that would have been hard but i'm so glad ur now feeling much better

I don't have Ny plans but i am thinking to treat myself to a night somewhere else. I have been hesitant because i sleep very very poorly with anxiety/suciidal thoughts for last few weeks and i didn't want to drive too far. I'd like to go to a hotel and have a swim.

I feel pretty lonely. I don't mind doing stuff by myself. There seems to be more pain being along when i'm in my apartment. If i get out and about at least I see other humans, even though it's very brief

[monkey_magic]

Going for a swim and being around other humans will be beneficial and hopefully help you to think of what's around you and what you are doing instead of those pesky thought.

Try not to give them any value or meaning. It's hard when they come on strong. I somehow, and it wasn't easy at all got through my chapter and I encourage you to do the same.

You have really good ideas about where to go- farmland and what to do- yoga in other threads. Those ideas sound fantastic.

And if the thoughts carry on you can talk back to them. I used to as a strategy to not give in.

You have many many reasons to live. There is so much to experience and do.

Good luck.
🍀

[Guest_1643]

Hi MM that does sound difficult but good on u for perservering and getting through the darker time.
I try challenge the thoughts or sometimes distract. I only do that for short moments though.
I really want to get away but i've had issues concentrating with my poor sleep - i hardly sleep atm - and feel scared to drive far away alone. I hope this will improve and I can get out because I would love to do those things!
It's a bit annoying but I really dont feel confident on the road

[Guest_1643]

I made a mistake and told a friend I was suicidal

I dont' even remember saying it - I was just rambling probably.

The person called the triage.
Soon after I also got another call from another "friend" checking on me.
She swore she wasn't told by that person to check on me - but she said someone told her I was struggling. Wouldn't say who.
Suddenly started asking all these questions about my MH if i'm okay or whatever...

We barely speak otherwise. Someone heard I was suicidal and is now sort of telling ppl or something and it's just devestating me.
I hate this. I am just a crises. Not a human being.
The calls are pretty shallow from ppl I don't talk to that often. I'm so upset by it all

[tranzcrybe]

Hi Sleepy,

I haven't commented on your thread but have monitored it closely since you sounded like your were in a pretty bad place (hey, check the title!).

Sorry, but I am going to side with your friend who acted responsibly as a friend should - even at the expense of you feeling betrayed. People are concerned for you (the human, not the crisis), and please accept the sincerity and take comfort that you are valued as troops are called to rally behind you.

'Shallow' may be just treading warily - I wish I had friends like yours.

Take care,

t.