Thinking about death.... all the time...

[Guest_1643]

Hi all

I've been struggling for 3 weeks with suicidal thoughts

My new GP is amazing

He tells me to think of suicidal thoughts as a symptom maybe a solution

Could he be right?

Today he assigned someone to give me a call to check in on my safety. I don't think that will happen. I've not received the call.
Small things like this lead to rage, hurt and fear for me.

And so I am left to deal with the thoughts alone.

[Delectable]

Thank you Golden, I find it best to go early in the morning when there is few about, most people smile but there is the odd person that will look down on you...if I feel uncomfortable I just focus on something like plants or shells to avoid feeling bad about myself. We as humans always remember the negative experiences as to the positive ones, by lunch there was too many people for me so I return to air bnb...may those of you wanting exercise try to do it in the mornings before you talk yourself out of it.

[Guest_1643]

hi Em sorry i couldn't write earlier... was all bit frantic here but settled down now

the box of tools is a precious one

they used to always say to me that you are doing ur best and that is enough but it is only recently that i'm even beginning to see that

and not to self-blame if things don't work

i'm glad ur around here and value ur input always

[ecomama]

Dearest Sleepy precious girl, the one thing you never have to do is apologise to me!

It's ALL GOOD.

Yeah, I see what they're saying with "whatever you've done, it's enough".

And Sleepy YOU ARE ENOUGH.

I know it's triggering to recall but looking back at the path of your life, YOU HAVE ROCKED THIS!

Shoulder to shoulder we'll weather the path along this road called life. You have so many people that care about you very deeply here. And I know others are caring about you IRL too.

Some times, and for so many of us here, so much of our lives has been impacted by damaging people. But I can see you thinking about where to draw the line of your boundaries and WHOM to draw those lines with.

You're one smart cookie lol you know that!
You soak in SO much learning.
You SEEK so much more learning.
This is the work you're doing with Counsellors, psychs, groups and I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!

You ARE working this out!

It's really REALLY hard but you are doing it!

Cheeses Sleepy I spent so many years getting help, still am and I NEED to. That's okay too!
I was told by the psych at work, whom is a sweet young lady, that I'll need psychological support for the rest of my life.
Tbh this shocked me at the time.
But I took it on and I'm so grateful to her for having the courage to say that to me!

I will see my Counsellor until she retires THEN get another one, probably won't like the first 20 lol but I will PERSIST again, just as you are persisting.

This is the nature of "managing" C-PTSD and if that's all I have to do to get / stay mentally well after everything else I've done, then whatevs, throw it on the pile lol.

For me "recovery" will be for the rest of my life. I accept that now.

I can still make plans, have fun (yah FUN lol), make connections, have friends, maybe even make new friends IDK and IDC either. Work, enjoy life - not 100% of the time but who does right?

Just For Today I've decided to be OK.

Sleepy you are valued also. I draw strength from those who've posted their support on my thread during my extreme stress times.

You have been a never ending giver of support to me. You mean so much to me. Don't make me cry lol.

You can take the love offered to you here as a great big group hug!

EMxxxx

[RoopK]

I also feel the same thinking about killing myself for like a week

[Sophie_M]

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums RoopK, We understand it can be tough to post for the first time, so we are grateful you decided to reach out. We're so sorry to hear that you've been feeling suicidal for the past week. We have sent you a private message to offer some extra support.

We would strongly recommend that you get in touch with Kids Helpline - https://kidshelpline.com.au/. It might help to talk it out whenever you're feeling overwhelmed. Kids Helpline counsellors can be contacted 24/7 by young people 25 and under via telephone and also via webchat if you go through the website provided.
Headspace is another organisation we would recommend, they are specifically for young people aged 12-25 and they offer a wide range of services including counselling and group programs. They also have a group chat on their webpage - https://headspace.org.au/ Please check in and let us know how you are whenever you feel up to it.
 

[monkey_magic]

Hi Sleepy,

Just wondering how your Christmas was and whether you have new year's plans. It always helps to have things to look forward to.

Life doesn't always go to plan but there's lots we can do to feel better.

I had major suicidal ideation on the psychiatric drugs but now that I'm off them and drinking lots of home made whole fruit/ veg juice I'm much better.

Stay hopeful. as situations and life are always changing.

It must be a relief to be out of lockdown.

Sending U strength to get through your day.

💪

[Matchy69]

Hi RoopK welcome to the forums and for the brave first post.Is their anything triggering your thoughts you are having?This is a caring non judgemental place to post with people listening to you.
Take care,
Mark

[Delectable]

For those in Victoria there is free travel on New Years Eve, even if you go somewhere for the day and back to get out the house, check with other states to see if your state offers something similar!

[Guest_1643]

Hi Delectable

Thank u for sharing how you kept safe

I'm really sorry that you also felt scared to be at home over this time. I know it can be such a hard time of year for so many ppl.

There are less ways to get support and it's harder when family is not there. i think u did an awesome job taking care of urself by getting out on the beach and i hope it was soothing for u

[ecomama]

Hey Sleepy

How are you doing today?

EMxxxx