- Beyond Blue Forums
- Caring for myself and others
- Long-term support over the journey
- Thinking about death.... all the time...
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Mark Topic as New
- Mark Topic as Read
- Pin this Topic for Current User
- Follow
- Printer Friendly Page
Thinking about death.... all the time...
- Mark as New
- Follow Post
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report Post
Hi all
I've been struggling for 3 weeks with suicidal thoughts
My new GP is amazing
He tells me to think of suicidal thoughts as a symptom maybe a solution
Could he be right?
Today he assigned someone to give me a call to check in on my safety. I don't think that will happen. I've not received the call.
Small things like this lead to rage, hurt and fear for me.
And so I am left to deal with the thoughts alone.
- Mark as New
- Follow Post
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report Post
Hi Katy, that's cool that you have success with magnesium spray, I love to hear what works for ppl. Didn't know it came in sprays! I've been sleeping okay, but few rough nights.
We are opening up on Friday, that will be weird....
- Mark as New
- Follow Post
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report Post
Hey Sleepy,
Hey, sorry to hear you haven’t been sleeping well. It’s really draining when that’s happening. EMS right, don’t even THINK about giving yourself a hard time- loads of ppl have trouble sleeping, and it’s just something you have to get to know about yourself, what works, what doesn’t. Like, I know that for me, I have to stay up late, around 11-12, even if I’m tired. Because otherwise I’ll usually wake up in the wee sma- around 3am- and stay awake for a couple hours which makes me feel even worse. But usually if I go to bed around mid nite I’ll be ok for 7/8 hours.
unless I have an appt or change of routine early in the morning. Then I can expect a broken nite.
It has literally taken me 40 yrs to work that out! And my H often says, “don’t stay up too late” and I remind him what happens but he doesn’t get it. So I have to just know that this is what works for me.
There’s loads of little tricks too, which can help when changing habits.
There’s so much research done on sleep, I think cos we all want better sleep!
I forget- du have a bath? I guess they’re not so common in rentals now. Really helpful for sleep tho.
Re discussion of oils and candles- that makes so much sense, what you said about the passage of time and watching a candle burn down. They have such watchable flames don’t they!?
I diffuse oils now in my oil diffuser. It only gets to warm temps and vibrates the oils to release their scent. It’s a really nice way to do it, if you’re into nice smells. Only for essential oils tho, not fragrance oils.
I like to use lavender oil for just about everything. In hot water to clean cuts and scratches. In my bath. On my wrists, at the pulse points. Calming AND soothing! Antibacterial etc too.
So lovely that you’re feeling more of a surrounding care in your life now Sleepy. Things will just keep on getting better and better! By being well, and happy, we attract bright and beautiful ppl , which makes us happier and more well! Yay!
I know you’re still feeling lonely, I can hear that. But opening up will mean groups back on, and more support. Hang in there Sleeps
Hugs,
J*
- Mark as New
- Follow Post
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report Post
Hi J, I like how u know what works for u and are pretty strong and comfortable with that. Sleep is individualised. I have awful nightmares and my med works differently depending on certain factors, some of which sometimes make things feel worse.
I find public holidays really triggering.
When j first became unwell it was some public holiday, and I Re,member feeling really scared and having to wait over a long weekend to get support, I vividly remember contacting the public hospital who reassured me that hospitals like theirs are just for that, ppl who need help after hours, like weekends and public holidays.
Thankfully, I don't need that help todayk but I do put like change, and today shops had diff hours etc or were closed, I seem to never prepare for that and find myself standing outside a closed sign wandering where else to go.
This is my journey to liking change etc...but I do get cosy and comfy in my shell
- Mark as New
- Follow Post
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report Post
Dr brilliant...
Hi all,
Hugs to all.
Still seeing my psychiatrist, last week I called his office because I ran out of a dose of my medication. I didn't know if he would help etc...they said they can text him the message,
I said to the woman, that's ok, he's competent, he'll know how to Fax it to the oharm and ensure I get it jn time....
She though I said confident....he's confident LOL. I corrected her and said no, I didn't mean that, and I like him because he's not over confident or arrogant. I hate arrogant ppl.
He is quietly competent , though, I said.
She said...,He's absolutely brilliant....
Ash. I don't like glorifying anyone. But OK, he's not bad.
He did call me back although 24 hours later, by which time I was upset, but I guess I did see that he does follow up eventually.
today is similar stressful in some ways, just feeling like some supports aren't there eg my fave pharmacist was away long weekend, and the psych too,
I've been working a few shifts and trying to get out in the sun jn the morning, it is a bit intense but healing. I try and burn candles, cook and wind down in the evenings, sometimes with a feel good movie or show.
I've been avoiding the shops a lot, so do a lot of cooking left overs and freezer. Not the best meals, I gotta say!
counsellor suggested I try some frozen meals, I did find some interesting curries in the supermarket, 3 little packs in one, it's like rice, spices, and a sauce. It was very easy and pretty yummy.
It's more getting to the supermarket which jn my heads is too much when I feel awful.
Once or twice I did delivery which was good, also. Like of groceries.
I've been watching some new shows, and old ones, and often using tea and cocoa for self care, repeat, and enjoy.
The park was movie quality today, it was a flawless day and the sky was clear. I'll be happy when the long weekend wraps up, trying to be cosy as possible here.
- Mark as New
- Follow Post
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report Post
Hey Sleepy,
It sounds like you are getting quite good at knowing yourself, identifying triggers, and also working on expanding your 'comfort zones'- all sooo good!!!!
Honey, it's real. Coming from such a vulnerable space, and you being determined to get well and strong again- thats tough! I know a ;ittle of that, from my own journey. Giving myself permission to discover myself, in all it's quirks and beauties, started a lifelong appreciation of not just myself, but others as well....I suppose it's along the lines of "love others as you love yourself".....Can't love others if you don't love yourself!!
Nightmares are awful...have you ever read up on dreams at all? I remember doing some dream workshops at one stage- it was very interesting! It caused me to see my dreams differently...to be a bit more..thoughtful...about them, rather than just scared, horrified, disgusted or shameful. If that makes sense. Like, I used to have these dreams about going to the toilet, in public. And then learnt that those kind of dreams speak about our secret shame. Somehow, by knowing that, I gradually became more comfortable with my shame. And all of this pre-Brene Brown! (Long may she live!!!)
Nice that you're managing some work Sleepy- well done 🙂
And good on you for maintaining some sense of routine/rhythm.
gorgeous park days are AWESOME!!!
Can totally hear how off putting those public holiday lapses would be- I greatly dislike getting the motivation to do something or go somewhere, only to find them closed or whatnot. I so rarely get organised or motivated enough to do anything special.
Must be back to normal now tho?
Would it help to plan for it? Maybe buy a special craft kit, or start a project (I'm a making/creating person, can you tell..?!) that will provide distraction for the empty day when you would usually be able to do something more social....Do you like those diamond dotz things? My d LOVEs them! They look so pretty and sparkly when they're done.
Anyhow, talk soon,
Love
J*
- Mark as New
- Follow Post
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report Post
Hi J, lovely idea, thank u....,it reminded me of earlier in my recovery, I did plan special things during hard times. It helped.
A psych once told me 10 years ago, rhat we all grt a bit funny without schedule.... it's a huge generalisation but I took it in a comforting way at the time, like she was saying it's not you or a problem, it's human.
How has work been? I finally made it to the supermarket...for 15 minutes. And chatted to the pharmacist. I have a great connection with him, lovely and wholisitic person.
Hope all are well and taking care during these crazy times.
I need to do self care and learn somehow now to chill out. Thanks J I loved reading about your journey....I find it a great shining example of seeking answers at a rough point in life, and pursuing them....always happy to listen lovely x
- Mark as New
- Follow Post
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report Post
Hi everyone,
Went out to a lot of shops and spots today, definitely is weird adjusting, and trying to learn this new life
This week might be a challenging one, anxiety already rocketing. My house is a mess, laundry everywhere and my laptop is broken so it's good I have the ipad.
apparently Cheryl has organised fairy lights for my room to have some calm. I, very into little lights, candles, self care stuff.
I did some art today, chose a nice word and drew it with just a pen, but I might paint over it now....I hadn't done art for ages.
There's been wild triggers lately and I needed extra support and a weekend psych call, but it helped. I feel like I'm chasing my tail a lot, almost inching towards calm, but I never get there.
I hope I can get some help eventually from ndis sith some of these roadblocks I keep facing.
- Mark as New
- Follow Post
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report Post
It hurts too much today trigger warning abuse
I Get triggered when ppl call me lady or ma'am, think of all the broken years...feel broken....over it, old.
I had a huge unexpected expense today, the case manager says she may be able to get me out of it, but who knows...
My traumas are front and centre, like today I sat with the layers of emotional abuse I went though until I got awy. It was awful.
- Mark as New
- Follow Post
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report Post
Hi sleepy I am sorry you have been struggling and you have been triggered.I found aging no fun.I find looking at myself in a mirror puts me in tears as I see a grey haired man now and the young man with all the dreams for the future is gone.
I hope things can improve for you and you get out of that huge expense you have.Its not easy in this world but some how keep fighting and get through another day.
Take care,
Mark.
- Mark as New
- Follow Post
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report Post
Hi Mark really nice to hear from u
I struggle week Sopwith similar and today with zoom...it is hard sometimes to sit in the present moment
I'm trying not to be impulsive and stay safe but these triggers are rough moments
I really need more support going forward which is rough
The hospital have set me up with their psychiatrist and their clinical team. I really like the ppl I've met so far, the psych seems a bit fluffy at first, but I realise now they also know their stuff
I take it hard when things don't work out and the ppl they assign me aren't suitable, but but far so good