Taking antidepressents for the first time tomorrow morning.

[Cesca1557]

Hi,

Im not really sure why im posting this but Im feeling really unsure about taking medication tomorrow. I have had depression for about 7 years, but at the beginning my mum thought i was too young (i was 12-13), and its only now that I have finally decided that I need something else to help as I cant seem to make myself happy on my own.
I am really hopefull for what the antidepressents will do, but I am also really worried. My father has bipolar, and I am really worried that by taking them, it could trigger it in me. I dont have bipolar my self, but due to the genetic predisposition to it and the increased chance of getting it as my dad has it, im really worried that this might be enough to set it off.
As much as I want to be happy, if it risked me going through what he has gone through and put us through over the years, I wouldnt do it.

Sorry, im not really sure what the point of this was, I think I just wanted to vent a little bit.

Cesca

[Cesca1557]

thanks KMTE,

Not better yet but tomorrows a new day

how is the nausea going today?

[Cesca1557]

why is everything so hard
i wake up exhausted, i go to bed exhausted
even being happy is so exhausting because i have to put so much effort into trying to be happy.
how is this, worth all this effort

[Pysis]

Hi C

dont worry I don't think it was that obvious, I tend to pick up on stuff like that really easy it's just how my brain works I guess.

yeah depression really dose such, it makes life really hard but I'm pretty sure you won't always be like this you've taken the first few most important steps by reaching out and taking medication. I totally get how your feeling and I'm really sorry that you are feeling this way.

Happiness isn't something that you have to try and be it's something that will come back to you again eventually, please don't give up. Your such an amazing person you work hard at your study and a lot to look forward to.

Tell me what have you enjoyed doing in the past and what do you think you might like?

hope you ok.

Nath

[KMTE]

It comes and goes but gosh it's a very strong nausea feeling to the point of nearly being sick. And this morning I've woken up with the sadness feeling rolling over me for no apparent reason. Oh the joys. I hope you have a good weekend!

[startingnew]

Hey Cee

im hearing you ok

Depression and anxiety are bloody hard work. not only do we have to argue with our feelings we often have to put on the happy face mask. i dont know which one is more exhausting tbh.

im wondering how your dealing with your anxiety and depression?

are you still seeing your psychologist?

also a thing that might help you is to just sit with the emotions. i sue to fight every single one but it get too exhausting so ive found jsut sitting with it, knowing it cant hurt you, they are just feelings. they cant hurt you, so imagine them floating past on a river acknowledging that they are there, but just floating past. dont deny the feelings otherwise itll pent up and make things worse.

i know its hard to do and it took me a long while to be able to do this, im not saying itll be comfortable becasue tbh it isnt but sometimes you just have to let them float past.

whenever you need, give me a shout and i can see if i can help you just 'be' in the moment, acknowledging but not acting.

sending lots of hugs

xoxox

[Cesca1557]

hey nath,
thankyou, it means a lot
yea im definitley looking forward to when it does become more natural and effortless.

i went to the gym thismorning and it was a really hard class but i always feel better afterwards
back to just feeling numb and empty today which in a way is easier as i can study and work better than when im feeling emotional or sad
hope your day has beeen nice! ill come over to your thread later today

[Cesca1557]

oh im sorry! that was me last weekend, the nausea is horrible but hopefuly its only there for a few more days

hope the sadness doesnt last too long, and tat you can still try to enjoy atleast parts of your weekend
thankyou! im in the same boat as you today sadly, but tomorrow is a new day 🙂

also, do you have a thread?

[Pysis]

Hi C

your very welcome.

you'll get there quicker than you might think.

im glad you got to the gym and are feeling a little better while numb isn't exactly the best way to feel it is better than that deep horrible sadness. Have you got someone you can give a hug sometimes that helps to get rid of the numbness.

my day hasn't been to bad just sick of this viral thing, I couldn't breath earlier in the day but I'm ok now. I want to get over this before my holiday.

thinking of you

Nath

[Cesca1557]

hi sn,
thankyou so much for such a lovely and thoughtful reply! it means a lot
I completely agree with the hard work part, i think i just needed to remind myself that the hard work is worth it, as its hopefully going to get me to a point where life isnt as hard anymore.

i didnt get to see my psychologist as she was sick and had to cancel and the next appointment avaliable wasnt until october, so i have to wait a few more weeks
but i have a gp appointment on Wednesday so will be able to talk to her if needed.
i will try the acknowledging your feelings thing, its not something i usually do as my family isnt aware of how bad things are, or that anything is really wrong tbh, so i have to contain things even when at home when they are there. but i definitley will try to see if stopping denying them helps 🙂

so glad that you are able to do this now, you seem like you are in a really motivated headspace! its so great to see
thankyou, i may take you up on that
xx

[Cesca1557]

hey nath,
yea me too! saturday morning is one of my favourite classes as the instructor is lovely but also makes it hard so you definitely push yourself which i love
the numbness has begun to go away over the evening!! which im grateful for, it may also be due to the fact that im currently at my neighbours house keeping their dog company while they are away for the weekend so getting out of my house may have helped.
theres been a lot of pretty terrible memories in my house and a lot of sad and alone nights in my room so i dont think it is the most comforting place at times as there are lots of reminders of different things. i think i will spend most of the day at my neighbours house tomorrow as well as it definitley seemed to improve my mood since coming here 2ish hours ago. it could also be all the cuddles with their dog 🙂
sadly no not really.

your virus sounds terrible! nothing worse than being sick on holidays, how long do you have until you go on holidays?