Taking antidepressents for the first time tomorrow morning.

[Cesca1557]

Hi,

Im not really sure why im posting this but Im feeling really unsure about taking medication tomorrow. I have had depression for about 7 years, but at the beginning my mum thought i was too young (i was 12-13), and its only now that I have finally decided that I need something else to help as I cant seem to make myself happy on my own.
I am really hopefull for what the antidepressents will do, but I am also really worried. My father has bipolar, and I am really worried that by taking them, it could trigger it in me. I dont have bipolar my self, but due to the genetic predisposition to it and the increased chance of getting it as my dad has it, im really worried that this might be enough to set it off.
As much as I want to be happy, if it risked me going through what he has gone through and put us through over the years, I wouldnt do it.

Sorry, im not really sure what the point of this was, I think I just wanted to vent a little bit.

Cesca

[Cesca1557]

hey!
im going to ring up tomorrow when it opens and see if theres any available appointments but she is often booked out a few days in advance.
yea it was really frustrating! each time they just gave a simply apology and said she was sick so was unable to come in. I understand that it is a free service so i cant really complain as im not paying for it (although im paying a huge amount in uni fees!!) , but it was still annoying.

yea im glad as well, need to get a bit off my chest

[Cesca1557]

i replied but it hasnt come up yet! xx

[Peppermintbach]

Hey Cesca,

I can empathise with that kind of loneliness...

Wow, that's very unreliable and disappointing that they cancelled that many times and at such short notice too. Like the, um, "SN imposter" said (lol), I'm also glad to have an appointment tomorrow though I feel for your bank balance...

As for registering with the disability unit at your uni...while the specifics vary from uni to uni, you should be able to contact them directly. If you find their contact number or email, you can probably ask to speak to someone and explain briefly that you're struggling. I think most unis will get back to you pretty quickly to follow up if you send an email (or you can call if you prefer a more immediate response).

Kind thoughts,

Pepper xoxo

[swtpotato]

Hey c

I think I can get close to imagining what you've been feeling lately. Heavy, flat, empty, confused --> put into context of being around crowds of people at uni and exam time. Ah so so isolating.

If your stress about uni is spiralling out of control try to gently remind yourself it is the depression and meds -- a lot of the pressure is made up! (not to say it doesn't feel real).

I really get the frustration related to memory and concentration. It's like losing a part of yourself and people find it difficult to understand just how hard it is to deal with. Take this into consideration when studying, you will not be able to get as much done or work for as long. Special consideration is a good option (as others have mentioned).

But also - consider what is the worst that could happen (related to uni I mean)? Like as a hypothetical, what if you fail some classes? like i have reminded myself in the past 'the worst thing that can possibly happen will eventually be, at worst, manageable.' if you have plans for these outcomes it can become much less scary and actually improve your performance. -- so if you can, let me know what you would do if these kinds of things came to pass.

Do you feel like you get a lot of self-esteem from getting good grades? is intelligence an important part of your identity? --- why do you think this is? (asking because I used to have lots of anxiety related to this and feel like it could be relevant)

Look after yourself and adjust your standards to fit the context

you've done a lot for yourself be proud

m

[Cesca1557]

hey m
i think im more just stressed with the amount of workload that I have and everything i have to learn.
The issue is that if I dont get H1's this semester, I wont have a good enough grade to get into the medicine post grad degree so I will have to pick another career to do. so there is quite a few implications as its what i will be doing for the rest of my life.
and while i would enjoy physio (my other possible option), its not really what i want to do, so i want to try my best to get into med.

thanks for the support though! it means a lot that you are here and being so kind
sending big hugs

[Cesca1557]

hey pepper,

feeling a little overwhelmed by how much support there has been on here tonight! thankyou all for that, it means a lot.

yea it is quite frustrating, but happy to be going tomorrow to my old psychologist.
oh okay thankyou! I will try to contact them tomorrow morning and see if i can do anything to help. Dont want to get my hopes up just in case im not eligible in any way for some sort of consideration.
thankyou again,

hope youve had a nice night xxx

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Cesca,

Glad you're feeling supported here 😉

I think that all sounds good. All the best with your psych appointment tomorrow 🙂

Thanks, you take care tonight too.

Pepper xoxo

[Pysis]

Hi, c

how are you?

Nath

[Cesca1557]

hey nath,

glad to see you again! hope you enjoyed your holiday!
Tbh I havent been that great recently, feeling quite numb and alone, and sad.
however i went to see my psychologist today (the first time going in around 5 years), i was really nervous to go and felt very anxious however feeling better now. Its great knowing that hopefully ill be able to work through some of the things i'm struggling with. so im feeling more positive about that now 🙂

however im still really anxious about uni, im not able to concentrate properly or process the information that we are learning or need to learn, and my mind feels really foggy at the moment, so im not sure how im supposed to learn everything i need to by next week (i have two mid semester tests)

however, as suggested by pepper and sn, ive had a look into some sort of special consideration for them, even if it means pushing them back a little, or reweighting my exams so that they are worth what they were originally worth (usually around 60% of my total mark) but then plus my test (15%) as well so roughly around 75% in the end. it would make the exam more important but i cant think clearly at the moment so may be the best option if my application is accepted.

thinking of you, thanks for coming and say hi

[Cesca1557]

hey pepper,

thankyou!

the psych appointment actually went well, feel very relieved to finally be talking to someone about this and knowing that i am taking steps towards getting better (hopefully!) now.

hope youre doing wlel

thinking of you