Taking antidepressents for the first time tomorrow morning.

[Cesca1557]

Hi,

Im not really sure why im posting this but Im feeling really unsure about taking medication tomorrow. I have had depression for about 7 years, but at the beginning my mum thought i was too young (i was 12-13), and its only now that I have finally decided that I need something else to help as I cant seem to make myself happy on my own.
I am really hopefull for what the antidepressents will do, but I am also really worried. My father has bipolar, and I am really worried that by taking them, it could trigger it in me. I dont have bipolar my self, but due to the genetic predisposition to it and the increased chance of getting it as my dad has it, im really worried that this might be enough to set it off.
As much as I want to be happy, if it risked me going through what he has gone through and put us through over the years, I wouldnt do it.

Sorry, im not really sure what the point of this was, I think I just wanted to vent a little bit.

Cesca

[Cesca1557]

Hi nath,

So sorry to hear that you arent able to leave your dad, but im sure your little brothers must feel so lucky to have you there to look after and care for them as well! Fathers day or any day that reminds you of what you dont have, or what you have gone through can be so difficult.
My dad has been going through a bipolar episode (what i call his relapses) for about 7 years straight now, which has been hell to deal with and I always found that fathers day was really hard. its hard to hear about friends who go out for dinner or breakfast and speak so highly of the dads when I still have so much resentment towards him for everything that he has done.
Try to take some time to do things you love today to take your mind of it a little bit!

Thats very exciting about your course though! Not long left to go if you do get it finished next year! its always nice to have goals to try to reach, especially when its something that keeps you occupied and that is beneficial for you in the long run. Does the associate diploma involve much more work?

Oh wow! You really do have lots of pets! I cant even imaging having so many different animals around all the time.

Yes its definitely been nice to have people to talk to, i'm here if you ever need a chat

Cesca

[Pysis]

yeah it's really hard when people talk about their dads and what they do with them, my dads never done anything with me he wasn't even really around the first 4 years of my life he lived with us but I never saw him. Yeah I don't think I'll ever forgive me dad he's just hurt me to many times, I'm a person that likes to give second chances but I think I've given him about a hundred and he hurts me every time.

Yeah im hoping to start my own business after I finish my course. To get the diploma I'd have to do another 4 subjects so it would probably take me another year but it's something I can add to anytime so I could do it over ten years if I wanted to.

yeah I've got just a few, but they give me a fair bit of joy.

thanks it means a lot same with you to if you ever need to talk I'm here.

nath

[Cesca1557]

Im so sorry with what you have had to deal with, with your dad! Atleast the day is almost over now.
If theres no signs that he is trying to change then there is no reason you should feel like you need to give him another chance!
My dad actually ended up coming over for dinner tonight which went better than expected. He's much better than he has been, just quiet and low now. He has been taking medication for bipolar for about a year or so now (after 18 years of denying he had any sort of mental illness and refusing to take any medication) so seeing him isnt as challenging as it used it be.

That sounds incredible, its nice that you have a bit of flexibility with it!

Cesca

[Pysis]

Yeah I'm glad the days almost over I've locked me self in me room so I can just relax and not have to worry about him. My dad dose try but he always ends up back where he was he try's a little but he dosent try very hard he's not physically abusive anymore but he's still very much verbally and mentally abusive.

Thats great that you had a good dinner with your dad, it's sound like after a very long time he is actually trying for you guys.

Ueah it's pretty good to be a bit flexible with me study it means when I have a lot of work on I don't have to worry as much.

take care

nath

[Cesca1557]

Is he aware of how much distress and damage he is causing? verbal and mental abuse can often be so much worse! sending love and positive thoughts your way
hope today is better than yesterday was

[Pysis]

Yeah he's been told by lots of people including professionals how much damage he is cuasing but he dosent think he's that bad. Thanks cesca today's been ok I'm still getting over yesterday but everyone's either at school or work so I'm here by myself.

thanks cesca

nath

[Cesca1557]

Is there anything you usually do to help take your mind off everything, especially now that you are on your own today so probably are getting a bit stuck in your thoughts? Take some time to do some things that you love, i often like to go for a walk with a playlist of my favourite songs at the time. Or i do something more high intensity so that Im working too hard that I cant think about various things! Maybe one of your hobbies?

[Pysis]

I normally draw but when I'm like this I can't concentrate enough or I used to talk to my best friend but she's to busy now for me. I'm pretty well always on my own during the week that is a major factor as to why I am depressed I think, I just get stuck in my own thoughts like you said and I can't get out. It's bucketing down rain here but yeah I usally go for a walk round me property or go out and just be with my animals. But I'm listening to music at the moment that helps me a bit.

thanks cesca

nath

[startingnew]

Hi Cesca

im wondering how your getting on with your medications?

[Cesca1557]

Pysis - Your friend might just be going through a lot herself at the moment, hopefully in a few days or week or so she will be able to offer you some support again!
Its really hard when theres not much you can do to take your mind off things. Are you able to do a bit of study for your course? I find that when I have a lot of work to do for uni, it often helps to keep my mind occupied.

Startingnew - thanks so much for asking, i'm definitely feeling much less anxious about them now, and am feeling very hopeful for the future at the moment. Its day three so Ive only just started them, but so far the only main side effect has been nausea. It kept me up a bit last night as I felt a little sick so couldnt sleep but im hoping cause i didn't sleep very well last night Ill get to sleep quickly tonight (maybe a bit of wishful thinking but i'm trying to make an effort to have a more optimistic, positive mindset from now on)