Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and readers

Oh darl it's too much. Has been from day dot.

My fault I should've gone back after the second single pill didnt work. It seemed to be backing off so I didnt.

Can't stop crying today. Reached the end of my tether.

Doc appt 4 pm today can't do this much longer. Plan for tomoz was a swab and more so hoping today that'll be done.

Ok mentally as in talking not depressed as such and can muck around but yeh nearly going off my nut with pain (more often than not or uncomfort) and other symptom.

Beautiful post honey they always are. The whales gorgeous.

Thanks for your beautiful care 🤗

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🗯

[Ggrand]

Hi beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

I really hope you can get some results this time from the Dr...

When I was about to leave the hospital a couple of years ago..on that day I had developed an infection and was given 3 single tablets to take...They didn’t work..and they didn’t work..I had swabs done etc and came back negative...was given a cream to use...I’m thinking that I’m fairy sure what your talking about and going through...The cream eventual worked....

Awe honey..I’m so sorry that your crying so much today..I wish I was their to comfort you more then I can from kilometres away..,Please ask Mr Deebi to give you a hug from me...

Have to get ready now to go to counselling..just wanted to wish you good luck today and I’m thinking of you..with much big love and gentle baby bear hugs...

bbl Deebi,,,,

Love always with my care and kindest thoughts bbff..💚🦋🌹🕊🌱🍼🐻🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[Ggrand]

Hey beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

How are you feeling today honey?

I done some reading and Epsom salt water does help with you infection dear bbff....either a bath or soaking the infection for 20 minutes if you can.poor darling...I am sorry that I can’t help you anymore then my words..

How did your Dr, appointment go on Thursday..I really hope that they found something to help you..

Here for you lovely bbff....anytime 24/7.. always 👀, 🤝..and with much love and care in my heart ..💚🦋..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy.l

Rest lovely bbff...Sleep if you can and drink heaps of water...

[demonblaster]

Oh Grandz you wouldn't believe how bad its been pretty much 24/7, 4.5 wks.

Public hols around Xmas stopped me jumping on it quickly.

Same diagnosis but they're waiting to see results from swab too. ? multi resistant.

It'll take up to 3 mths to heal fully, have to continue part of treatment for that amount of time.

I've started the cheaper slower ointment but waiting to use the other treatment. The paperwork that comes with it theres 3 things I've had including stroke that you shouldn't take while having the hrt.

Oh & another major sigh hun. The cause of the pain I had no choice not to do which is the whole problem with its incessant cruel nag as you know too but nows causing an immense pain lasting up to 2ish wayy too long mins.
It's different to the ramifications of the initial relentless the mutt! symptom which is in its own private hell party.
At least it settles and so is the rest but still in a lot of trouble.

Think I'm in another mini mania.

Yes lovey sleeps been affected greatly. Late getting to sleep with pain discomfort also getting me up early lately but havent day slept for a few so catching better durations now.
Wrecked Grandz going bed soon.

Oh we had 2 lovely walking days yay. Bbl on that.

Ohhh what a shame 😓 I knew one day.
Been given 3 mths notice here.
Owner in future wants to live here. Can't blame her.

I've been incredibly lucky with reasonable rent and location.
Might have to leave the area.

One of the biggest sads is I was so happy to have a spare room in case here ever changed the no contact rule 😢 and a beach. So many including Doolsy would love it here. Obviously you of course my darlin.

There' positives and my gut says I'll be ok but bummer. How it goes dagh.

We're going to start packing.

I have fluid. Going to check it out. Bit suss it's worse on one side.

Thanks Grandy so much lovely one and for other lovelies that care here ☺

Hope you're ok beautiful. PubAok lysvm yAdimh. Always need you precious friend 🤝🤗

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🗯🕊😴😚

[Paw Prints]

Oh Lass,

Sending you the gentlest most comforting hug possible...

Hold on tight to the people who love you.... you're not battling alone lass...

Always here to listen

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hi Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..waves 🙋🏻‍♀️ Dear Paws and everyone..🤗.

How very sad that you need to move...Maybe you might find something in the same area...or not far away from your beautiful Mr. Deebi....I would have you come live with me anytime at all....Mr Deebi would also be very welcomed...I have a spare room...that needs my bbff to occupy....Please be very careful packing your things up...Not sure but the real estate your paying rent to..might have something else available for you....I know how stressful moving can be..and please be careful with your back and neck...Im so sorry this has happened to you.😓.

Hoping the cream starts working very quickly...poor my bbff..

As our gentle Paws says Deebi...Please hold on to those that love you..and there are many people here that does love and care about you precious bbff...

Always your in my thoughts with deep SSS love and care..💚🌹🕊🌱..🍼🐻🤗..

Love and hugs everyone..💜🤗.

Grandy..

[Ggrand]

Hi beautiful Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

How are your dearest bbff?...

I am a bit...Well a lot concerned about you..and been thinking about you all day and hoping that your feeling a little better...

I know that you have so much on your plate..with having to find somewhere else to live..as well as trying to manage your physical and mental health...I am deeply sorry about all these things happening to you...You know you can talk/vent to me and others here...We all love and care for you so much....

Wanted to wish you a beautiful refreshing sleep tonight dear bbff...When you lay down to go to sleep..imagine your mattress is made from the clouds and it’s so very soft..your floor is a crystal clear running river and you ceiling is covered with the most gorgeous full moon and millions of stars....

Lise your eyes and imagine your cloud bed, slowly drifting along the gentle movement of the running stream..feel the movement..just a very gentle rocking motion...take a deep breath in...smell the fragrance of the pine trees that are growing along the rivers edge...imagine while your drifting down the river, smelling the fresh pine air..that the stars above you are shining into the river...making the water sparkling like diamonds...The crickets/ birds/ frogs are serenading you..with the calmness of the night...the moon giving you a gentle light to guide you in the right direction towards peace and tranquility...

Please you be okay Deebi....always..yadimh and my 💭 and always in my heart with love and care..💚💜🦋🤗..

Its okay precious bbff...no need to answer..please be very gentle and kind to yourself....

Much love, care and 🤗🦋💚.

Grandy...🌜👀🤝👂🌛..

[demonblaster]

Hi Paws 🐾 Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and readers 🖐

Thank you both beautiful people such caring gentle people.

Oh this is cruel and SO DAMNED SLOW to recover. So much really hard pain. Completely over it! And another really nasty pain slightly easing. This is so hard.

Good news about friend with cancer a bbff's partner loved he said once I'm family. One of the important places his cancer is nearly 90% back to normal. Awesome. Pet scan this wk so heres hoping continuing good news.

Ahh dear Mil in way better spirits back to her sassy self. Her Pet happens in Feb.

Was able to work though some serious down tho may have been mania helping. If I could remember but I know I accessed lateral and rational thought several times. Was good.

BP had about 3 manias.

Was horrible at times yesterday picky short didnt like myself. Apologised often to darling who was very patient the darling and didnt deserve my moods.

Cried a lot over last few days with stinkin pain near 24/7 slightly easing but still very painful and frustration.

Yesterday BP gave a dose of yuk mood what a cow. Not all the time and successfully pulled through. Always hard work but so good being to a lesser degree.

So so tired. Visitors for a while today. Some help being hoping lined up.

Caught up long call with neighbour good friend.

Mhw tomoz and Doc.

Grandy really loved my cloud bed. How clever I was in the ride. Loved it thanks so much girls.

I'll be at yours asap sweety Grandz.

Tried 2 pists yesterday couldn't fin8sh.

One new poster it ripped my heart. Did 3/4's post took ages too painful I felt her pain so deeply and was worried that ultimately her besty (dog) would wonder why. It really shredded me. So terribly sad. I was in a delimma wether to say something. It hurt hard 😭 started the crying and boy didnt they flow.

Having good moments laughing joking. Trouble pains 75% oh geez it really hurts.

Nigh nite and thanks again lovely friends

👩‍❤️‍👩💜💗💚🤝

S

[startingnew]

🎂🍫🧡💛💚

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩....

Awe Deebi..I’m deeply sorry your in so much pain and discomfort...Gee I so much wish I could help you more then just words...It’s so not fair..that you’re having so much physical hurts..which unfortunately could bring you down...

I wish I could do more for you...

Its great news about you friend cancer, I hope he continues to heal until he is 100% clear of that dreaded illness...

Deebi...Yes honey..some posts can be very hard to read..which causes us a lot of pain..It’s okay that you didn’t reply..Maybe later if you feel/want to..you could pop in and say hello....The most important thing..is to look after yourself when posting/reading/ replying on the forums...Sometimes we just have to leave up to someone else to post...I had to step away from one that caused me to be triggered for days...So please dearest bbff...look after your mental health...BB has a help thread for called...”Self care for the supporter”...There are some great tips in that thread that can help you....

Please don’t rush over to mine...First is getting yourself feeling better..I understand you’re in physical and mental pain..,.and want you so much to care for you the best you can.,,,

I’ll be sitting with you tonight dear bbff...holding your hand and singing 🎶🎶🎶 you a lullaby....maybe I should bring some 🎧 or you might end up with a 🤕 or 👂 ache listening to me attempt singing😂..

Here you you bbff...unconditionally 24/7...

Much love and gentle hugs Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...🌜👀👂💚🌛..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...