Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy,

Yes pork belly does have crackling. I'm glad I'm not the only one who eats all the crackling off a regular roast & then doesn't feel hungry enough to eat anything else. That is one reason why I went to pork belly, plus it is easier for a single person to only cook as much as needed. I buy the inch thick pork belly rashers & the crackling happens without having to do anything.

Your having lunch with Betty sounds lovely. You are sweet taking her to run her errands.

Hugs to you & pats to your furs xx

Hello Deebi,

Oh no! Not another carbuncle. Lass can I second dear Grandy & say be very careful squeezing it, you really don't want it to get infected. I hope you & MrDeebi are staying snuggled up out of this winter blast.

Huggily hugs

Paws

[demonblaster]

Hi beautiful bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and dear Pawsy 🐾

Thank you for lovely visits dear people.

I'll bbt lovely ones. Again thank you 😊

Always the deepest love Grandy and 🗯 👩‍❤️‍👩💜💖🤝👀

Pawsy it's a pleasure knowing you a calling you a friend 🤗🐾💗🤝

🤗

[demonblaster]

Beautiful Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 Pawsy 🐾 and any readers hiyaz 😊

Sweety Grandz hiya darlin.
Yip and an old one flared up too. It seems like the first one that did look infected well the area around it barely hurts now and is very slowly improving.
The other mutt hurts and still pushing at it. Other not so much. Yes hurts like billyO pushing/squeezing 😲😓 I am keeping a close eye lovely.
Thank you both loves for your concern 🤗

In the past I visited sport and it was awful not playing. Thanks for the thought lovey but was good catching up with a few there but nah.

Me too gorgeous over the universe and back. Strong love huns.

Thanks Grandy love he's so easy to be around. A real love. Very happy with the darling. Never ever forget my late love or stop loving him and this sweety understands that.

😅 Sounds like something we'd do huns going for a walk in that weather 😄
Might be refreshing in a zany kinda way

So good of you taking Betty Grandz you're a kind friend.
Loven you enjoyed yourself at the club. Nice change of scenery and quality time with Betty.
Annnd even better you did opposite to what beasty wanted. Good for you girl ✊

When mhw comes we go for a blat (drive) which I really enjoy and love that Mr Deebi can come too.
I talk if need be. We get on very well usually mucking around laughing. We all have a good chuckle. We bounce of eachother. Nice getting out it's so beautiful here.

I still sleep and watch TV a lot which we both enjoy.
We sometimes out for lunch but usually staying covid safe which is fine. Love time with Mr he's so lovely.

Yummm pork belly.

Pawsy thank you too for dropping in and caring too lovey ☺
I really hope you're doing ok hun. You're so kind talking to others but don't say much about how you are lovey. Your choice of course just to say we care about you too 🤗

Grandy beautiful I always think about you. Oh lovey I so wish too 😟

👩‍❤️‍👩💜😍🗯🤝👀🏋️‍♀️🐩🐕

Dear Pawsy take good care huns. Keep thinking on good thoughts and feel them hun it really does help.

🐾🤗🤝💗⚘🍃

[blondguy]

Hey DeeBee!

just saying hello and hope everything is going okay for you! You are and always have been a ''gentle soul''

Hugs and respect always

Paul

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..Paul and all..🤗.

Paul...Deebi is a gentle soul...Thank you so much for saying that...

Deebi...I’m wondering if some nice warm salt water in a bowl and some cotton balls, and a good few big dabs and rinses with the salt water might make them feel better for you...Wow poor honey your having such an awful time with them...

I understand about your sporting friends..it would be hard..Pleased though you did visit in the past...I think that we move on from different things without realising that physical and mental health took it away from us...then we are okay with it, because other things take their place...

It was nice in the club, only a few people their, first time for me in a few years...

I am happy that you have a good mhw that you bonded with..it really makes a huge difference for the better with us..

Thats okay watching tv and sleeping..That’s what you both like so go for it honey...plus it helps in recovery and resting our bodies...and mind..I don’t think we have Beasty thoughts when we’re asleep....

I have been using your jar of sunlight, it’s helping..I thought that I would give you a jar of starlight...I jumped on Deendy, and we searched around the night sky for the brightest star, then we captured the magical stardust for you..Put it next to your bed and it will give out a gentle soft light..if you open the jar, in the morning some stardust will float around you, to give you a calming feeling of peace to start your day..if you open it at night the magical stardust will float around you to give you beautiful peaceful dreams...

Good night dearest bbff...much love and care 💜🦋..for you..🧸🤗..

Nite nite everyone..sending you all my care and kind thoughts ...🦋💜🤗.

Grandy..🌜🕊🌱🦋🌛..

[demonblaster]

Hi good people ☺

Dear Pauly that was such a warm and kind post.
Thank you matey I really appreciate that ☺
I hope you're going well good man.
Was as I do thinking of you yesterday and voila here you were 🦄 magic.
Take care Pauly 🤗

My beautiful Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and thank you too sweetyheart. What lovely people being so kind.

Good idea sweet about the warm salt water. I'll give them a dab.
Boyo ones really hurting the little blighter its the previous one...ouchy..😟
I've had so many antibiotics with these brutes they say we can have too many. Wanting my body to heal me. Goodness knows I rest enough 😄 Yes I thinks sleeps ok too huns. We don't always these days but do a fair bit. If we were doing things probs not.

Awe so cute you're using the sunlight and what a treat having Starlight oh Grandy I love it. Thank you.
Wow needing it for peaceful dreams had a stack of bad ones lately. Had a slight 🤕 hey has your head settled lovely?

Yip thanks ☺ nice you understanding. Been ages since I played. I miss it and walking too but maybe in the future I'll be ok to walk again.

Yes he's always been a plus the mhw.

Tv has always been something I've enjoyed and so often been broke you kinda settle in and with mh too.

It's a gorgeous day here I said to Mr 😍 we should walk today.
We're just having lunch And I struggled getting up again late but we've been late bedding and poor Mr Deebis leg gives him grief often. When I can I massage it.

I hope your days have some light in them lovely people.
Again thanks so much for you time and care 🤗

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤝👀😍💓💤👁

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..and everyone...🤗..

I hope the salt water gives you some relief..My grandma used it for everything and it worked..I do the same...

I wanted to talk but I’m really tied...Haven’t really been on the forums today...work tomorrow so tomorrow late afternoon/ early evening I will be....

My GP rang me today with my test results..will talk on mine tomorrow about that...

Good night bbff...Love deeply always with lots of care..💜🦋🧸🤗...sleep peacefully honey and I hope you wake tomorrow with your heart and soul full of starlights and sunbeams .

Good night everyone..💜🦋🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Hey dear bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all other lovelies ☺

Beautiful post as always dear Grandz.

Oh boyo didn't I misjudge that I might fix the mongrel carbuncles. Oh God the pains unreal and yes both are infected. I'm ragged hun from eventually deciding to tske pain relief. Tried otc that didn't eork so been on the vstrong ones.

Pretty big cry this eve I've gad a gutfull of my body it's just one thing after the other over the past 3ish yrs mental/physical.

Think I'm going into BP from the pain. Was a bit down yesterday and was aware wanting a smoke too. We'll see. I must finish the Bp post theres things I want to mention.

About 6 ish days solid now, the pain. Oh man even with the strongs. It's friggen constant and moving 😲😓 So over it Grandz.

Oh rang Dr yestrday and got antibiotics started today. Can see they're both infected. Oops.

Sweety never worry I know how it is being tired and thanks for saying lovey too ☺ I hope you're more rested sweetyheart.

You write so well Grandz. I've read beautiful but so ragged atm I'll catch you tomoz at yours lovely.

Thank you Grandy love for your care love and support. Always we're 🤝👀💜👩‍❤️‍👩 🤗 love you very much dear friend thank you for you 🤗

Cya beautiful/s 🤗☺😚

[Paw Prints]

Hello Deebi,

Oh I'm sorry to hear about those bl**dy carbuncles being worse. Here is the gentlest of hugs lass & my shoulder to cry on as long as you need...though I think Mr Deebi & Aunty Grandy might pull rank on me for both those. Get lots of rest if you can lass your poor body really needs it fighting infections.

Here's a sneaky bear hug xxx

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Paws and all....🤗.

I am also so sorry along with Paws, of the pain you’re going through....

Paws...no no..never will I pull rank on you..I know you care for our gentle Deebi as well....Hug away lovely Paws...I’ll take over when your all wet...

Awe Deebi...Please I think imo to ho and get them lanced..that way the pain will ease quicker...I know bbff your sick of the pain your body is giving you...I so much wish that they found the reason for them continuing to pop up....I really am so very sad for you..about these awful carbuncles..

Body pain takes us down beautiful friend..and would more likely take you into BP.....💜..here always for you bbff..

Sitting with you dearest friend.....love you very much..👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💜🧸🤗...feeling like my hands are tied because I can’t help you except for words.....wiwwyip.....Stay strong Deebi...we are all here honey..

Love hugs and care everyone..💜🦋🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🌜💭🌛