Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[startingnew]

hugs DB xoxoxox

im glad they took care of you and that your still out socialising. proud of you for keeping up your own physical and mental wellbeing xxoxoxo

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB,

Thank you 🙂

I’m glad you had a good day yesterday. Your brother sounds like he is such wonderful support.

Soul hugs from me to you especially as I know you’re very worried about Starwolf.

Pepper xoxo

[demonblaster]

Thx dear Starts yeah was good. Didnt go tt (t.tennis) tonight feel bit guilty inrun it havent been a lot since darling passed & lately but it stil goes on

Thankyou Peps beautiful soul too yeah i really am so worried about her darlin stuff she said isnt sounding good

Missing & thinking so often bout you Starwolf ROCK dear friend

God i hope you're ok dear good lady

Thanks for being so caring Peps & Starts soz not round much atm bit all over shop atm

Do honestly care lot bout yaz all here 😘

[startingnew]

hugs and hugs DB xoxox

[demonblaster]

plenty people worse but bodies achy in parts not sure if necks gunna give grief again

Been sleeping lot lately bit of ? Chest & aches time will tell

Stawolf (RockStar) God wish i knew where youre at. So worried about you. Know you said dont be & you're at peace which is awesome but REALLY missing you. Tears. You matter good lady.

Youve taught me stood by me supported sound advice enjoy your conversation & made such a difference to many.So much more

Thankyou for everything. Thinking bout you so often. Crying

[Peppermintbach]

Super hearted DB,

Please don’t apologise. There’s no need to say sorry. We know you care and that you have a lot happening...

A big, warm soul hug from me to you. I know you’re missing Starwolf immensely and that you’re extremely worried about her.

I heard this new release song that instantly made me think of Starwolf (in a very comforting way). I don’t interpret the song too literally but some of the lines about running through jungles and crying with wolves reminded me of her wonderful work rehabilitating traumatised dogs in remote areas.

Also...

I've been down the darkest alleys
Saw the dark side of the moon

- “Wolves”, Selena Gomez & Marshmellow

But the above lyrics even more so...you don’t need me to tell you that Starwolf is a wise soul who has seen a lot, and more importantly, learnt a lot. Personally, even though I’ve very rarely interacted with her on these forums, she is one of my most respected BB members/Champions.

Anyway, I hope this song brings you some small comfort.

Kind thoughts,

Pepper xoxo

[demonblaster]

I'll say it again Peps you're soo compassionate understanding kind & supportive Im soo glad we've met. Thankyou so much for being here & completely agree & i have lot of respect for champions too, star well you said it shes so wise & i wanna learn to express how she & some others do so well.

Peps its not knowing, she said back here she didnt expect to make it this far (tearing up again, thanks holding tight to soul hug)

Peps i reckon im close to beating depression but god it fights. Ok just a bit lost atm.

Dunno where im headed or what im meant to be doing.

Crying but thats ok its an out

R u ok?

[demonblaster]

Soz hun yeah thats amazing loven those words too.

So her aye

[startingnew]

Peps has pretty much perfectly worded it DB.
Star means a lot to me too, she has been with me from the start just as she has for you so ive been one of the lucky ones to have been 'touched' by her words as well.
I can tell your feeling distressed DB, take a few deep breathes for me.
Count them ….1.......2........3........ keep going if you need. We arent going anywhere.
What self care have you been doing for yourself?
The champs here are yes very good and ive had the pleasure of 'meeting' a few.


I hope you will beat depression DB, youve good the good there too hey. Yes you do.


How about finding something you like to do and taking it up as an interest group in your area?

[demonblaster]

Lovely post as well thx dear Starts, yous rock

Yeah im ok darl thx do have moments & hurting bout Star anyone that knows her would feel same, shes highly respected here ive seen how many likes (helpfuls) when she posts. So wise & speaks so nicely. Damn it Rock whats happening hun xx

I started up & organise tt (ttable tennis) where i live not that ive been there much for while & volunteer with special needs with tt too. Beautiful guys love em.

Just part of the crap we've gotta work out darl

Thanks sweety girls 😙

Really grateful for support from everyone that drops by xx