Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

6th day no contact Rock.

Not to hassle you just observation and extreme concern.

Really like what Peps said about omnipresence (she explained and I just looked it up too) yeah it's comforting knowing and feeling you around keeping an eye on us.

I so wish I could do something apart from being here for you Rocks, you said you're at peace.
It's not good is it.

Same I'm seeing helpful thumbs up, think it could be you.

Love & missing you. So hope you're not suffering
You'll NEVER be alone
((( Whopping soul hugs ))) . Holding hands
soooo many thoughts. Sad Rock. Tears

[startingnew]

My post i wrote earlier today is up now DB ❤

[demonblaster]

That was a real heart post thankyou Starts and the butterfly yeah loven it thx hun, do see them a bit here, back home soonish.

A lot of emotion's come out here, so peaceful, hard cries for lot of reasons, RockStar, being alone, needing love, rejection, being around love and more good people, lucky have a lot of like/love but the beast pulls ya away at times aye. Unravelling more, good it's coming out. Crying's a good thing, God knows done enough in this life but untold happies too

Change is happening, coming to terms with it. It's stimulating, don't know what's ahead but it's goin on. Maybe moving yet love where I am, lot of friends family close by & around but you don't see them all time. Feel like I'm moving on further, not great cause feel like I'm leaving my beautiful behind, like I've left him where he left but it really is that way though, as he said just gotta keep going. Bloody hard but it's still adjusting. Ok though, over the worst but it hits at times really hard. It's a process grieving.

Feels like this trip a lot of the past 4ish yrs have come out which is good, been a rocky road but hacked well overall and some really frightening places the head goes which is so usual with BP but when there's other shit going on that's heavy as we know how it goes but time takes us through everything. Good times, many amongst, lot of learning.

Just feeling today, not great, not overly blaghhh and will be ok.

[chrissy1]

Hi db

wow you are incredible with ur work situation. It's so good u can do all those things and also have mental Illness. I hope u don't take too much on board.

i was wondering do they sometimes not publish ur thread? One I posted never got published.

hopefully all is going well with u.

chrissy1 Lol

l

[demonblaster]

Hey sweet you might be thinking of Starts (startingnew) with work, I'm not working 🙂 all good hun.

Working through it all though

If you check your emails if we've gone against rules they let us know why it hasn't gone through could be the case

Yeah goin ok thx how bout you

[startingnew]

Well my butterflies will always be looking out for you but ive sent a special one so I can keep an eye on you too at a more personal level. Theres only 3 members who have my butterflies and will extend them to Starwolf too when I see her around again as im not sure if shes reading here or not.


I can hear you have a lot of emotions swirling around. Do you want to address them indivdually to help you get hrough them or would you rather not? Its totally up to you though.


Dont feel pressured into moving either, you can decide whats best for you but sometimes a change is good but dont isolate yourself from those who you love and who love you which I can tell you have those people in your life.
Grief is an untimely process DB, each phase of your life you will feel like your leaving him behind. Dont deny those feelings though otherwise youll shove them down and then get that dreadful guilty feeling. Let yourself process it as hard as it is.


If it help you can talk about him here, tell all the funny, embarrassing, romatic and anything else you would like to talk about. Sometimes its too hard to do that though so I understand if you dont want to.


Life is full of learning, I dont think we ever stop learning and I know for me I cant help myself, Ive completed 6 courses in the past 2 yrs. I always sign up in a good headspace but I wont be doing anymore after this one (says me the past 3 times ive said that) but ive realsied its just too much atm and I need to focus on my mh first. Im afraid the thing that gives and thats me because I had plans come into my head earlier today. Often an indicator I need hospital but I cant go there. Enough about me.. back to you. What about telling me about your career? Im sure it was you who said nursing yeah? Want to tell me what it was like? Some stories that are allowed?

soul hugs DB xoxoxoxo

[Mathy]

Hey DB,

Thought I’d give you a personal sparrow update .......

Nada, nothing, she’s taking him for a ride with the food 😡

Mind you, he’s not crying as much, so maybe this is how sparrow courtship goes? After all, it’s a lifetime commitment, gotta be careful. Or, what would I know, could be multiple females, can’t tell them apart 😂

Sending good thoughts in your direction, cheers M 🙂

[demonblaster]

lol can' t tell ya how much I love your sparrow story 😄 (Y) 😄 (Y)

Told ya, she's after his money, GOLD DIGGER!!!! ...ummmmm scuse me...... any chocolate there

Bit honored having a personal sparrow saga catch up there hun, there's a big cheers mwah

Goin back home soon, head's in change mode, needed this time biggly, few things but manageable just need thinking and rational thought about.
Head's trying to pull me down but hacking, it's different, changes are happening, I'm gettin there, gettin through depression Maths, how are you going?

[demonblaster]

There's empty places here RockStar

Really really missing you

I really hope you're getting help that you so deserve

I've told you before, when I see a post from you and that so classy dog (wolf?) pic I'm so happy to see what you've said.

Some lovely people are coming here which is really nice.
I sooo hope you get back Rock
Love xx

[startingnew]

My post is up from yesterday DB