Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Ahhh Peps, I was feeling a bit low today for a bit but got through and was thinking I'd love you to be close to comfort me and here you are, thankyou sweetheart, like I said hearing you comfort Wings really makes me feel safe too. You're a very caring loving chooky, care deeply about you too ((( xxx ))) awesome hugs,

bugga not looking like there's interest from the fella, damnnnnn, put myself out there did a bit of hand touching to which he responded later too but nah, interest in someone else on net. Oh well, it is rejection but can't have it all, maybe someone else is there for me. Frig I want someone. sooo much love and need.

Arghhhh oh well sh....it appens aye. I think there's interest but he's being loyal, good on him. Bumma tho. Bit sloshed atm so cruisy kinda, bloody kill for a durry tho. Dahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Thankyou sweet thing, how are you today girl, you can say here, I'm here for you too darl, not a one sided thing, hate that, it's about give and take I reckon. xxxxx You rock biggly girl

[demonblaster]

I'm so worried and sad about you Rock-Star (wolf) tear up at times. Hate that you're struggling and know you are.
It does sound serious by the stuff you've said.

Please please be ok Star, selfishly I know but I need you and so do so many others here. You make such a difference.

So grateful for you ((( holding hands ))) xx

[startingnew]

hey DB

i want to send some hugs to you because i can. youve been suporting me and i want to do that in return and although its proabaly not the best i will sit here and hold your hand or hug you till your ready to let go yourself.

i dont care what state im in, i will always give hugs becasue i know what its like to be alone so sending soul hugs and a hand or both to hold

xoxoxox

[demonblaster]

Thx sweet, need some for part of these days, few moments happening which is different, usually once I'm out I'm out, things are changing, for the better I hope, hard moments tearing up thinking then moving on furthur. We'll see. Changes happening.

No go with fella by looks. Phoo, just gotta pick up again aye. We'll see think some interest but complicated kind of but doesn't make ya feel shit hot. Getting stronger bittly

[demonblaster]

You're not replying cause you can't RockStar I reckon

If I miss times here, know you're in my thoughts & I'll be back later always

Care lady xx

You're not alone just not face on

[startingnew]

Well db take as many hugs as you need ❤❤❤

Sorry about the fella hopefully someone else comes along for you ❤

Hopefully these changes are good ❤❤❤

[Mathy]

Hey DB,

You really sad about Starwolf. I’ve read your thread and I feel a bit sad too, hope the ‘Wolf is ok.

I gave up the durries after 40 years in June this year, so I can relate to that wail aye!

You’ve been verra kind to me, I want to send you a hug, hope tomorrow is a happy day for ya, cheers M 🙂

[demonblaster]

Thankyou so much Mathy that's really moving. Everything you said.

Yeah I really do care about her she's been by my side from the beginning of this thread, so wise, caring, how she supports others and speaks, kind, she's been a rock. What a survivor, she's an inspiration. We've had good conversations

I'm here for you Rock-Starwolf, at this stage this is all I can do for you. Just be here.
You know how much I care. You're in my thoughts so often

Crying this morning can't seem to stop, must need to come out. Few emotions bouncing around

[startingnew]

Hello special lady ❤❤ im sure i wrote here at some add hour through the night. Musnt have pressed post...

im sorry about the fella hopefully someone else comes along for you ❤

Hopefully these changes are good too

Special hugs to you ❤❤

[demonblaster]

Thx sweety girl (( deep soul ))

Not so good today seems to be one of those bloody days. There's a lot going on atm and yeah the fella that's not helping self esteem and rejection status but it'll pass, thought there was some interest but looking like maybe not.
Going back home soon, been so good having a lot of company daily and really good times. Neat seeing good brother and sil and know a few people here from previous stays so been good. Didn't see other friends this trip may be back soonish.

Got lot of friends where and around I live and love but feeling pretty stuffin average atm darl

I"ll be ok, this is mild compared to what BP dishes out. I'm stronger than this but clearly need to let it out.

Thx hun just feeling a bit overwhelmed and worried bout RockStar too