Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Yeah gambit of emotions lot of realisations thought I was through the worst but more reality smacking lately but hacking

Love hearing birdies sing Star how lovely to hear so often

Good u do that meditation

I'l b back but seems I've reactivated the pinched nerve very painful but not unbearable like b4 but can only sleep on back with mild pain other positions too much pain

Knocking me about last few mths been solid mentally & physically but gettin there

Tail end of cold but wasn't too bad

mentally good atm

Soz been battling this pain

Hope u better fully now

Good ur not unhappy 🙂 v.strong xx

take Good care rock star 😄

[Starwolf]

Living with chronic pain is a tough one. It comes with so many limitations...

Is there anything that can be done to alleviate the pain ? Has your doctor got anything useful to suggest ? Could physio help ? Have you thought of alternative therapy like acupuncture, Bowen therapy etc... ?

Winter probably doesn't help. I'm glad that it is coming to an end where you are. In the mountains, winter has a very long tail...there's been a drought going on my side of the range so the weather has turned to desert mode. Frozen nights and clear but windswept days.

Mentally good atm is music to my ears. The fact that you manage to keep a good state of mind in spite of physical pain is remarkable. Credit to your resilience.

My thoughts are with you, as always.

[demonblaster]

Thx & Hi Star 🙂 ditto thoughts

Sounds cold where you are, be beautiful for stars though I reckon but yikes, chillllyyyy

Pains still going on moreso when I'm trying to sleep, taking biggies for pain relief prefer not too but ya can hack so much, gunna walk in a tic that stirs up arm, pain goes across shoulder down arm, follows the nerve, biggy.

Seeing pain specialist in Nov, God expensive, daghhhh, can't afford but can't not either.

Have been doing excercises to strengthen but too scared atm in case it aggravates more.

Thanks for support and concern Rock 🙂

Take really good care won't you (( good hugs ))

[monkey_magic]

Hello everyone,

Wanted to contribute to this thread surviving, being in a better place because that's how I really feel.

I want to tell someone, like shout it from a mountain edge or something " I feel good!!!!" Like really good, natural hight good!!! There's a light at the end. I found it, im living it.

Just had to shout it at ya demonblaster and all. Been through a hard time now I'm out, its great.

[demonblaster]

Guest soooo good to hear this thankyou for saying

Has there been anything particular that u did to get where u are now?

So Soo happy to hear this great achievement

keep up great work 🙂

[monkey_magic]

Yay,

Buying a car, zooming around again and increasing serotonin ( gym work) & shopping spree. So having my car freedom back, working on myself & buying myself things- I've come a long way from where I was. I'm so happy bcas my tiny car is so feul efficient. I'm getting myself on track financially 🙂

[demonblaster]

really am happy to hear you're In a better place

Keep up great work

Happy to hear anytime how you're goin 🙂

[demonblaster]

Ok so popping into BP again, which usually for me is yum highs & occasional blaghhs amongst ups but had mixed yesterday and today so far, some frustration/anger (only in myself not around others) which is unusual for the up side but had social enjoyble time yesday so sorted itself out & walking helped too.

Had noticeable depression before cycle which could handle but moreso than usual so be interesting to see how it goes other end, with luck not as severe down

Good thing I've realised since last cycle that the suicidal thoughts are only in the downs of BP which are severe all times, hell but just to what depths so that's giving me a bit of light and reason not to go that path by being aware it's the beast (IT) not how I'm feeling in normal times, so just have to learn to ride the mutts out. I think it's so much harder now, not the severity of the downs but because of losing partner so no distraction and security but it's all about learning to deal and that's what we have to do for survival.

A good about BP is it passes, takes a few wks or mths at times very deep but then it's so good being ok and back to happy. Ya don't appreciate it unless you have the other side so I guess that's a bonus in a contorted way..

Still trying to put people & more help in place for the extreme times, it really is too heavy to put on friends Star but really appreciate & taking on board what you said about them wanting to know and have a chance to have been able to maybe help in those times. Now it's down to getting ones that are up to it, so far two aren't.
Yikes bit emotional atm but ok.
At least I've got here.

Mental health are fantastic and have a demanding job with extreme high demand which I understand but they're acute MH so when I've contacted them although they've listened and been great I've felt often like I've been brushed off which is the pits when you're in such a black place.
Felt same with here and Lifeline, and I get it there's so many people that need them and they don't have a history to save constant going over it all but on saying that I think I should be utilizing here and lifeline more often cause just need to talk and let it out really

Thx listening and hoping your days are ok at least

[startingnew]

oh ouch! Hmm ive got a slipped disk with degeneration already started that flares up so can emphatise with you. I hope that your able to recover, which I know with deneration it wont however it can be managed through medications and lifestyle changes. Lets hope these specialists can do something for you hey.


Ahh yes ive heard about bipolar cycles. I dont have bipolar but I have borderline PD. Great big pains in the backside arent they. Pain makes life very unbearable doesnt it and doesnt help with mental health issues, tends to exacerabte it doesnt it.

my car is finally all fixed from the accident, I still stuggle abit psychologically but at least im able to drive now and im semi ok driving. Still nervous and easily panicked but a lot better than what I was. Ive had one thing after another since then, a week of migraines from it then headaches the next week. Its been ok, just been struck down with a nasty virus that ended up having to be rushed to gp because I couldnt breathe. Im in the remnants of that now but have fluid buidlup in my ears causing earaches and with that come the headaches. And now more bad news from my gp which involves a surgury but ill leave that to my thread. It in the recent posts on the last page . Its ok if your not up for it.

[demonblaster]

HOLY SNAPPIN duckwhoops, chooky WOW that's rough darl, never ceases to amaze me how that happens that we get batches in things good and bad. Jeez you poor darlin.
Where did the car acc injure you? Completely understandable to be jumpy and anxious, it'll lessen in time but will stay with you that's not such a bad thing, more acutely aware aye.

PD? Personality disorder or disassociation?

Yeah I've been meaning to get back to your thread but only very recently back here, sometimes check on mobile but very slow and hard typing so I look more than chat. I will get back there though (Y)
Gunna try and get here more regularly, thought of a couple of working through strategies today & talking with good friend she had a good idea

It's very rough yes mental Illness, life throws it's rot at times and MI in itself's a hard road. One positive I'm seeing is we can become stronger from it, self learning and building then helping others through

Yeah the back started bad outs originally when I was about 23 then from 26 on untold very bad outs, apparently I"m going to need eventually a metal rod down spine, oowh goody can't wait (sacastic emote 🙂 (bulging disc/s) arthritis and not sure bout nerve, but once definately, my GOD that took me to another level again on top of max excruciating as you know

The neck pinched nerve from bulging disc too isn't looking good at all, REALLY not wanting surgery on neck but possibly be needing disc replacement will know more in a couple mths. The first time recently it went that pain too took me to a higher level exceeding 10 on 1-10 scale which is where the bad outs are
Atm it's not good or neck bugga it on saying that it's trying to slowly recover but flaring up, stupid I gently played a wee bit of cricket ooops, lesson learnt hard way

Great having the car back, big security and freedom aye

Thanks for coming in darl nice seeing you around the traps too & getting to know you & other lovelies here 🙂 xx