Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Hi beautifuls 🤗

Thank you so very much all of your lovely suppirtive kind wishes are so appreciated.

When I came too I gad a nasty headache asked for no pillow but they put a towel and the hip that doesnt give much grief was caning and how's this 😄 no pain at all in op site woot.

Had a Pap so results later but looking like alls fine. Some scar tissue but nothing serious. Didnt think it was a worry. See him again in 6 wks. Yay

Grandz I'll bbl and apart from bit tired pain relief and up early good.

Non stop yakking with friend. Hes been very sweet looking after me.

Good bloke.

Love to you all 😚

Grandy you did a marvellous job supervising I woke a couple of times to observe, was pleasantly surprised.

Hope youse all good 👩‍❤️‍👩💜🗯🕊🌱

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi...👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

A few 😭 of relief when I heard from you.,,Honey..you just rest now and let your friend look after you.....and behave yourself and be the best good girl you can until you heal ☺️..Please...Love you...bbff...💖🤝🤝🤝🤗🤗..I’m home now...and about to take a sleeper....Sleep well dear friend...bbt..(be back tomorrow)..to chat some....if that’s okay honey...

Love and hugs everyone..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...💖🦄..

[Paw Prints]

Hello DB,

Yay!!! That is good news. 💗🤗

Hope you are back home now & resting up as per Drs orders.

So very glad you can now enjoy your friends visit without any worry.

Big hugs

Paws

[demonblaster]

Hi beautiful people thank you so much it's so comforting having support isn't it.

Beautiful post thank you darlin and Peppy Paws., thanks so much

I had support texts and messenger msg from couple of besties and mhw lovely eh.

Had such a good time catching up properly with besty bloke we spoke and listened to each other solidly for about 10 hrs straight yesterday although hes been to a couple of gorgeous mil occasions we havent caught up properly for a couple of yrs apart from the odd call and a few texts. Really good bloke gee he was a sweety really looked after me. He went home sarvo. Got a feeling I've said this but I'm not sure where so sorry if repeats.

I dont think mania more just a big day and also socially very stimulating we get on well laugh and good chats about a bit of everything.

I need to come down and the moods been a bit so so but I am tired. Don't think still mania. I know why some parts are sore in my bod (muscle sore) but unsure other areas but, it's weird I'm sure I said this somewhere anyway overall feeling ok just tired but stimulated clicked particularly well with the community transport driver too before yesterday started.

Think I've nearly come through this BP almost ok. We'll see over next couple days. But on saying we'll see I'm going to keep reminding of the mindset, had enough pain! Torture more like!

More BP bbl.

Thanks heaps everyone 🤗☺⚘🌱

Nigh night Grandy ☺ love you darlin sleep softly in the clouds gorgeous and everyone.

Wouldnt it be nice if we could say we're going to sleep soundly and wake up feeling great. Why not?

Laters loves 🕊🐧🌹🦋

[demonblaster]

? BP Day ?

Hiyaz ☺
It seems but this thinking could change when you relax which we need to as opposed to being tense it can bring it all on like an avalanche. GEESH! Blagh.
A lot of the rot thats connected with BP & sigh ? whatever else I'm starting to get a grip on, still a long way to go but any progress is a plus.
I really can't handle YET! that awful restlessness had it in spades last night.
After friend went home I lay down because more than anything I know I need to get rested, couldnt sleep maybe dozed don't know. Wow it was like all the stimulation over the past maybe bit over a week intermittently with quick or longer catch ups with good friends acquaintances shopping bussing walks on beach. A lot of different stimuli to normal and nice turned to the opposite which pretty much is BP. Had a gallop of pump & thinking in mania one day trying to day sleep. Settled it for later thinking (Peps 🤗)
I'm having a lot of trouble expressing well no its more I'm so completely out of sorts.
I want to think about why I feel this way, have a few clues but at the same time I'm trying not to analyse but I think to pull out or deal with it if we dont think it through how can we fix or change it.

Felt very blaghh yesterday arvo through to night and a fair bit today. Got sleep after eventually taking a med.
Just feeling bloody awful but this is what the downs do. This is pretty extreme. I mostly dont have a lot of restlessness. You feel like you want to crawl outta your skin.

Today I feel some hope to get back to some semblence of normal. Pretty sure I was out of mania, maybe hadnt come down yet but felt like I had. Thought I got through unscathed boyo how wrong was that!

Going to try and walk beach today or somewhere. Need to get out but bed first

Had some dizzies post (after) op, they were in the same part of my brain when I had the eye wobbly.

The 2 days in the thick of v.mixed mania I've not had the flu but from what I've heard it was similar, alternatively MH or carrying heavy bags or ? all. Acute pain from arm mainly elbow down to finger tips sharp bone pain in fingers joints numbness exacerbated to extremes carpal tunnell both wrists increased pain which I dont usually get.

Phew back to normal. Numbness most days not as severe, less pain & leg not aching wow.

Ok but still not good atm mentalky. Think I'll come good today.

Wasnt sad about friend going. So wasnt that.

Thanks listening loves 🤗☺

Love u 👩‍❤️‍👩💜🗯

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...

Awe honey...hold my hand and we can go together for a beach walk...Lets start at the Jetty..um I think that’s what it’s called....

Come on dear friend..we don’t need to take beasty with us...We can open a window and sneak out that way😁...Um careful honey of your hip..wait 💼..I’ll get a 💺 out so you can stand on that first...shhhh..no giggling we don’t want beasty to hear us.....Okaay....we’re out let’s sneak quietly to the oh..yeah it’s called a wharf 😂. Silly me..

Getting to the wharf, we look out over the ocean and see a huge ship 🚢..Geez that’s only half a ship..maybe the rest got broken off in a storm or big wave..

Lets go to the waters edge and walk along the beach...The waves are calm sweety...breath in when the waves go out then breath in when they go out...Have you noticed the ocean breathes opposite to us...when the waves come in, they throw their rubbish out onto the sand, then go out with pure clean water..leaving the rubbish behind...We need to do that.

Lets just sit on this very old driftwood...it’s full of holes so we must be ...ouch..a crab but me..um lets move to that rock instead..ahh that’s better....Can you see how the sun makes the ocean look like it has diamond floating on it as it shine in certain ways, and the white tips look amazing against the deep sapphire blue of the ocean...beautiful and calming honey...just close your eyes, listen to the sounds of the ocean, the small waves breaking on the sand..the hungry seagulls overhead, the gentle hum of the plane ✈️ (at least that’s not broken in half)😂..as it flys high above the clouds, that gently float to all corners of the earth...peacefully feel yourself floating with them...

Ill be back later beautiful bbff...to chat some more...just wanted to get you away from beasty for a while and give your mind a little holiday away from [IT]xx...

Please be okay..always bbff...holding you extra tightly 🤝 while your episodes are mixing themselves up...so hard poor darling isn’t it....We can do this sweet lady...we are a force to be reckoned with...We are stronger then beasty..it’s our minds, he is just squatting in it..uninvited...lets choof it of together..all of us...you me and the other beautiful people here...after 3. 1...2..3...choof off beasty..go away..

Love you so much Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩....will bbl...💖🤝..not letting go...

Sending you big deep love and soul warming cuddles...💖🤗🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🤝🤝🤝🦄👼🌈🦋...🤜👿🤛... 🌜🐉 🔥🌛.

[Paw Prints]

Hello DB,

Oh lass you really do sound like you are a bit everywhere and then some.

I'm so glad you are finding Peppy's think later helpful, but if you want to talk about the thoughts chasing themselves through your mind I'm happy to listen. If you like we can pin labels on them & pop them in your 'for later' boxes or talk them from being niggily grubs into wonderful butterflies or simply acknowledge them then choof them off.

Hope you manage an arvo sleep & a gentle walk out & about.

Huggily hugs

Paws

[demonblaster]

Hi lovelies ☺

Thank you very much both of you for your beautiful support.

Mean it both were really lovely posts.

Got arvo sleep with little trouble. Didnt get outside. Sleep was more needed.

Feeling a bit better but still not at all out of this but able to function and a bit clearer in the head.

Made plans to go flicks in w/e with the bloke I like who I keep some distance from.

During call my mood swapped. He didnt know. God this is a horrid place to be. I'll come good.

It's so severe. Whats been holding me a bit is trying not to overthink how I'm feeling. So hard when it's so dominant and right in your face

Its at times like you're fragmented.

At least it looks like they're getting shorter. Got something more outta mania, learning. Later

Thanks again beautifuls. Very fragile atm but getting there.

This really is horrible.

Paws yes something I'd like to but cant talk about but did get some big Relief but it really got me.

Right this second I feel like I'm standing on the edge of a ledge and could so easily drop again deep but I wont and its gone again.

Very lucky this episode came a few wks after the others because I so badly needed a break from them. I don't feel that I'll implode/explode which is great tho if this got worse dunno.

This is another level of pain.

Thanks again. I'm on the pick up just still messy but will get there. Yip we're a force grandy 🤝🤗

Paws 🐾 so glad seeing you look like you're coming good too 🤗 poor love. Hard isnt it.

Grandy love you. So hope you're still at least ok sweety 🤗 Always 👀 🗯💜👩‍❤️‍👩🌈🕊🌱

Thank you for listening 🌹

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Im sorry honey that your struggling so much with another episode..geez poor darling there coming so quickly....maybe shorter now but quicker in your cycles also...

I feel you did the right thing Deebi, sleep is more important that walking...good girl for making the right choice...

I’m pleased your feeling better, and your able to function more clearer...Please try to keep your happy times in you thoughts..and not let beasty take a stronghold on you beautiful bbff...

Going to the flicks..is a wonderful idea with the bloke you like...You’ll be okay lovely friend..Our moods change so suddenly in mixed..I really am hoping that you’ll have a good time and enjoy yourself..🤗..If it’s okay and youvwant to say..which movie will you be watching?..only if you want to...

Hun, maybe when you start overthinking about how you feel..is it possible to ring your mh bloke or a besty and chat to them...about anything you feel to... to distract your overactive thoughts...or maybe do some of your card to mil...was thinking I know you like glitter..is their anyway you can incorporate some onto you beautiful art work..or would that destroy the tribal effect your art has.....

I feel bad Deebi...I think of you daily but haven’t asked you how your feeling...my bad honey....How are you feeling after your operation...are you sore sweety?..I heard about your neck, shoulder, arms n fingers..please try hard not to over stain these on carrying heavy shopping bags 🛍...or cleaning high windows and screens...Not sure but I’m thinking lifting your arms over your head, plus looking up...your neck is stretching to much...possibly after a day or so it becomes really sore..even a broom can really weigh a lot if your holding it up and cleaning ceilings, lights, windows etc..for too long a time..Oh i meant to ask you about your scratching your arms.poor darling are they okay?....I use a aloe Vera cream on mine...it helps with the stinging, hotness etc....Please be careful of you honey 🤗..I need you so much..

Are you still on the pick up hun?...Truth please..I really need to know.🤗.

Im okay Deebi...I’ll sort me out sometime..☺️ soon..so try hard to concentrate on you 🌈💖...Love you very much precious Deebi... 🐻🤗....always watching out for you and holding tightly...🌜🤝🌛..

Love and goodnight sweet dream hugs 💖🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄👼💖🌈🐉🔥

[Paw Prints]

Hanging on in here with you lass.

You have done this before & each time you come out stronger & wiser.

I wish I could take your hurt away. You can lean on me .... or not, have a hug .... or not, hold on tight to my hand .... or not, cry on my shoulder .... or not, shoo me away to give yourself more space... or not. Whatever works for you lass.

Off to bed now & try and get some good zzzzz's in.

Paws