Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[startingnew]

Im worried about star too DB. We can only sit and hope for her.

Its ok DB, you can have moments as long as the good outweighs the bad. Im glad your taking care of yourself too.

Hugs DB i know your hurting and we are right here with you. ❤❤

D u still play TT i played through school but dont and havent for a long while. Im glad you do that for those who havr special needs. Thats pretty special.

See your my special lady and others think ao too. Im sure they are grateful ❤

Squishy soul hugs feel the love flow ❤❤

[Mathy]

Hey DB,

That’s lovely about the TT and the special needs folk, do try and get back to that 🙂

I’ve read quite a few of the ‘Wolf’s posts and can understand your missing her. I guess it’s the not knowing? I belong to quite few online forums, for various interests, and for many years. One can develop friendships, without ever meeting that individual in real life, and those friendships can be quite meaningful. I have lost one or two due to illness along the way,, and it is a very strange feeling.

Hugs to you DB, cheers M

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB,

Thank you for the lovely words 🙂 You are a very warm, affectionate soul.

The uncertainty must be difficult. Not knowing how things are and “guessing” must be painful and worrying...I know you’ve shed many tears...Starwolf is a very special person and a blessing in yours (and many others) life.

You sound so determined to get on top of your depression. I admire your spirit.

Thank you for asking 🙂 I have just been thinking and slowly finding my feet again. Finding solace in unexpected things like observations of fog, cloudy skies, etc plus music, art, etc. Have been needing time to myself so haven’t been socialising much in the offline realm. Sometimes I need a bit of solitude to regroup.

Comforting soul hugs,

Pepper xoxo

[demonblaster]

Mathy im grateful for you toon darlin you're always included when im saying thanks here xx

Yeah same hav lost forum friend &made a few one ive met &stayed with tho didnt this last trip away but hope to at xmas hurts doesnt it.

I've been thinking a while now to ask the mods if there's anyway of finding out esp that she lives alone. Not sure how guess i could report a post here do it that way

Yeah Mathy since loss of partner in '15 ive not been steady at tt tho more steady with sp needs. Must get back into.

Bloody mojo & love tt

Starwolf she's special aye. Shes got through sooo much & learnt to have the beast at a heel. Inspirational

You get ((( soul hugs ))) too darlin xxxx

Hey what go with our sparrow young & restless matrimony Missing it 😅

Thx for dropping by

How you doin called in your thread got rough idea

take good care 😘

[demonblaster]

Hey sweet xx

Thx hun think we're similar 😙

Thx darl yeah just wanna know re Star shes tough too but whatever has her has knocked the stuffing out of her she said she didnt have the oomph to post jeez hating it.

Yeah saw you posted youd been withdrawing from rl (real life) i hope you go back to seeing your friends i want you to be happy honey but understand that too.

Actually im up birdy fart had shit sleep neck/shoulders & other body parts aching but stirred neck up shopping for god sake & friend helped so back on heavy pain relief stil awake bout 3.30am seeing pain specialist thurs & first thought was get my crap together people die & dont have choice im wasting life

Thx hun i really am determined to beat depression very happy to come outta last BP with few deepies but handled them mind you heads all over atm but reckon its chemistry changing & the beast fighting for dominance. Nah

My turn for peace. You too girl. Good youve been thinking we cant achieve & win without aye & reminded me of what Starwolf taught me to deal with thoughts you looking at fog skies. Good u hav music ive seen you like that some sad songs when you low what artbdo you do i do too

I care very much bout you too darling long ((( soul )))

Thankyou xx

[demonblaster]

Heya Maths i replied but not up yet wondering if i didnt click post cause Peps reply up & did hers after yours i'l check later 🤗

[startingnew]

hey DB my post is up to you that i wrote last night

[demonblaster]

Soz darling didnt see that

Yeah have been tt intermittently but with physical mental health & being away but gotta get back, not being much of a leader not being there much also gunna start nearby suburb soon too

Thx loven special lady & nice feel the love flow

Jesus did grocery shopping yesday neck/shoulders both this time givin curry hold off pain relief but ya can take so much aye. Hows your pain?

Thx xweety girl stay tough & strong youve gotten through so much

btw chooks something good about yourself its not that hard girl (( xxxx)) soul flow

[demonblaster]

Yip reply landed above

Ohhh btw loved sparrow update 😄

[demonblaster]

Daghhh the longer you're away Rock-Starwolf the more worried. Clearly things aren't good & you said you didnt expect to last this long. I'm missing you terribly but not giving up on you yet. Hospital?

Selfish yeah. I need you Rock, when you're around I feel secure & safe. Please b ok. 😢

I asked MODS to check if they're able, haven't heard back so dunno

I'm ok but crying a bit. Was reading something here (forums) that got to me & think wearing down with friggen pain again & this bout neck/shoulders/back isnt near as bad as others but stil BLOODY painful trying not to but at times need strong pain meds. All i bloody did was grocery shopping & had help paying for it. Annoyed.

Pain specialist soon, not worried but know its not gunna be good news.

Rock if i dont come here & talk to you some days plz know you're in my thoughts a lot, that won't change. You make such a difference.

Sending love, care & eternal frienship (( soul hugs )) magic lady xx