Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Here Rocks, thinking often xx

[demonblaster]

You're a very sweet loving caring person Starts thanks honey (( xx ))

Yeah there's a bloke here that I'd met before and liked a couple of things, put myself out there but not interested, although rejections hard I realised I just soo want someone to love and love me as we all do, my late darling, we had a very strong good love. Got a REALLY good hug from this guy but not interested.

Seems a lot of the past 4 ish yrs has oozed out at times here, pain, crying, moods, not shitty just down at times but then I have changed the pattern lately of BP downs so could be that going for me.
Had a couple of moments today and do anyway, memories of my darling, yeah grieving continues and is easier but this head change stuff is really making me feel like I'm leaving him and hating that.

Going back home tomoz, had such a good time here, dog/house sat and lot of time with bro/sil they've really as they do looked out for me and we've had good times. Alone time again, have to make more effort seeing friends although do at times.

Yeah that'll do hun, pretty all over shop atm & lately but getting through it all which is the biggy.

Still holding some hope for fella but probs not although some interest I think but reasons

Thanks so much darlin, very caring and appreciated.

Rock I hope you're still listening, I know you said before you were.
In my thoughts so often. xxxxx

[Mathy]

Hey DB,

Not sure where we relate as far as age goes lol. It’s taken me a while, but I’m finally in a place where I’m happy as a single. I’ve kind of always thought that achieveing this place, was the best place to start to contemplate being a part of a couple again - I’m not 100% sure that this makes sense 🙂 Gotta love yourself before you love others, I reckon.

Sparrow Update

Well, my lad had a gay day today, he’s hung around with a boy sparrow most of the day that I’ve been home. I’m thinking “whatever”, I’m gay, no probs with that. Then, towards dusk, the lady flies in. I’m totally confuzzled about the behaviour, one thing I do know - if they all keep eating away at the “superior food”, there all going to become very fat and slow - fortunately, there are no cats.

Here’s to a great start to the week, hugs M 🙂

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB,

Your love and light oozes from your writing, such a passionate and compassionate soul 🙂

I can’t even imagine what it must have been like to lose the love of your love. You really had something very special together.

It really is quite a turbulent time for you...so many emotions swirling. I’m sad to hear that this other guy isn’t interested. Romantic relationships or otherwise, your need to give and receive love and companionship comes across...

So I’m particularly glad that spending time with your brother/sil helped lift your spirits a little. Hopefully you get to see your friends more often...

(((soul)))

Pepper xoxo

[demonblaster]

You two lovelies have totally made my day, got couple things to sort soon, back home today. Been lovely trip.

Thankyou guys, Will be back mwah's both & ((( soul )))

ROCK-STAR mwah's for you too
You maybe in hospital.
God I hope you're ok, as ok as you can be that is, something's very wrong aye
So many thoughts
((( Soul )))

[demonblaster]

Yeah I get where you're coming from Mathy and loving ourselves is very important for mental well being, we spend every milli sec with ourselves so easier to like/love ourselves we've got us to rely on company all the time.
Good for you, I'm starting to like/love myself more, taken yrs and how people/friends/family were with the loss of my darling I realised more so just how much love I have in my/our lives and helps no end boost confidence in yourself aye

I'm older but not old yet

Haha read back what I was saying about the bloke, I think there was/is some interest but not if that makes sense. Dont' wanna say too much but know probs why. Fair enough, good reason.

Ahaaa Gay sparrow aye lol, hey could be Bi, since they had that bit of a parteeeee the three of them.
Massive smile and laugh reading that thanks Mathy just love it. Such a nice touch.

Good to hear from you thanks for dropping by
Hope you're doing ok?
You have a great day & start to week too 🙂

[demonblaster]

I think you're very compassionate and passionate too hun

Always happy to hear from you, thanks for your time and care

Hoping you're battling the good fight hun and winning?
I know things have been rough for you for a while now aye, you feeling any brighter?

I do mean this, thankyou so much for your kindness and compassion, sometimes when I'm struggling I wanna find you and have a ((( soul ))) .

Take good care darlin
thankyou too xx

[startingnew]

Hey my special DB
im sorry things arent working out with the other bloke, I hope someone does connect with you once again. You really deserve love and compassion and a good life.
Its hard loosing your best friend isnt it, even though I didnt loose a partner I lost my nan and we were extremely close and when people come along in the family and others call them nan I cant because it feels like im replacing her too so I understand. Im sure your darling would want you to be happy though and wouldnt want you to lead a loveless life-as in relationship wise. And I say relationship as it might be a woman who comes along.




Im glad you had a good time while you were away, might be a good motivator to keep that feeling running by seeing friends and maybe going to social outings in an interest group maybe..


hopefully your emotios-as to be expected the way they are- soon settle once again and feeling alittle less bleh hey.


Hugs and love and making sure my butterflies are still with you so I can keep an eye on you too
and I do care, very much for you DB. Your family to me xoxo

[Peppermintbach]

Hi DB,

Your warm post made me smile. Thank you...

I guess cyber soul hugs are the next best thing so we will just have to make do. Thanks for the soul hugs and returning many your way 🙂

You’re very caring to ask. I’m taking things day by day. In the offline realm, I’m saving my energy and words for when it really “counts.” That works best for me at the moment.

I have been re-engaging with things that I find healing and comforting. The arts in all its guises is at the forefront.

Sending kindness,

Pepper xoxo

[demonblaster]

Youre both beautiful thankyous for your care & support. Back at chaz

Will bbl back home last night had bbq today was really good as was time away bro/sil looked after me well the darlings

Starwolf god im missing you so much.I really hope youre being looked after

Care so much bout you ( all )

Be ok Rock (( soul )) please