Should I just suck this up?

[monkey_magic]

OK, this isn't easy for me to write bcas I respect police also but this is my situation.

I aparantly unlawfully entered a friends property, that's right a friends property. He wasn't home and I wasn't believed. Anyhow I was put in a mental institution. I preferred the hospital choice over the police station choice thinking I'll be in there for a couple weeks.

3 months later I came out overmedicated feeling like shite...misdiagnosed with a mental illness as a " safety net" seriously!!!!

3 months of my life where I couldn't work, and live my normal life. Inclosed in a small space, going crazy.

Should I just " suck this up". ?

[monkey_magic]

Hi aunty bunny,

Walking hurts me. I get sharp pain in my feet so it's uncomfortable which is why I don't do it often. I swim because it's the best exercise for me but it's cold now. I have about a 15 min window of walking then the pain starts. I also have herniated discs in my back which starts up as well.

There are things I can do though like certain gym exercises. I'll be ok. I hardly get to the gym which is a failure on my part but maybe one day I'll be regular again.

Ive ordered some charcoal chicken from menu log which is due to arrive soon so I need to go. I really appreciate your care and concern. You're one in a million DB.

🐒🐒🐒

[monkey_magic]

Hi all,

I feel really bad for my grandmother. She doesn't want to be in residential care, she's calling it the dog house.

There's just no options for her because she has dementia and no one can look after her full time but I'm afraid she's going to deteriorate in that place. She's not making the most of it and sees it as a bad thing to happen to her.

I don't know what to do I feel like my hands are tied. It's the best place for her to be looked after and to have someone there 24/7 but she just doesn't see it that way and she wants to leave.

She's saying she wants her freedom.

It reminds me of when I was locked up for 3 months in a psych ward ..all I wanted way my freedom as well so I can feel where she is coming from. It's just a sad situation.

Im feeling helpless.

[Sophie_M]

Dear monkey_magic,
 
We understand how difficult it can become when there are no options that we really like. Unfortunately, at these times, the only thing we can do is go with the least undesirable option.
 
It sounds like you care so much about your grandmother that you don’t want her to get hurt because of her dementia, and this means, because of her dementia, she needs to be looked after, 24 hours a day, just like the situation with a two-year-old child.
 
We are sorry that your grandmother has regressed to this place, and we are glad that you have found the strength to make sure that she is able to be safe and cared for, no matter how much she is no longer able to understand this. In other words, we are glad to know that you love your grandmother so much.
 
Feel free to call BeyondBlue on 1300 22 4636 anytime the feelings of guilt become too much.
 
Warm regards,
 
Sophie M.
 
 

[demonblaster]

Hey Magic 🐒

Ah lovey it's so hard going through dimentia with someone we love isn't it.

For many it's a very hard transition especially having lived an independent life in their own place which is completely understandable to be struggling with.

This change as you know can have a marked effect on people that love the person as you clearly do.
Heartbreaking seeing her so unsettled which gradually In time acceptance often happens when a new routine becomes a new way of life.

I do understand how hard it is hun.
My dear Mum I couldn't help being here in Oz & was unable to get home.
I too saw very similar with my dear Nan over here.
This is about how it is for you lovey just explaining why I have understanding. It rips eh 🤗

Feeling that you can't help bites...hard.
I think also being aware you're probably helping more than you know.
Her knowing how much you love her and being there when you can would be a great comfort.
If at times it's too hard to visit hun a card or home made one with maybe a photo or nice scenery picture can be good too.
Familiar faces and care of loved ones holds a lot of power.

Monks what helped settle me (there was more to it but not for this thread) was when I knew Mum was settled in a good nursing home.
I know from yrs of nursing seeing compassion care and understanding from staff helped people adjust to a new lifestyle.
For many being around people of similar age can ease loneliness even if it may not seem apparent just being amongst others can fill an unknown void

A few yrs of my nursing was with dementia. In several places I worked Monks seeing the above qualities and more, from people in a caring profession eased my mind hopefully yours too.

For your Nan she's getting the help she needs which at this point is hard for her to understand.

It can be so hard seeing this is the best for Nan lovey 💗
I believe you/all have made the right decision by her which in different circumstances the chances are she would have understood.

Dimentia can have several different aspects of behaviour.
This is where people being trained in certain roles helps no end when circumstances make it too difficult for loved ones.
Try not to doubt this decision hun you/se did what was very hard yet right for her.

Was wondering if there's some exercises you could do at home lovey? Not good abot limited walking I thought the feet were coming better 🤐

Catch ya hun, love Aunty Bunny 🐇🕊⚘🤗

[monkey_magic]

Thanks Sophie and DB,

You have both eased my heart to be honest. I think it will always be painful hearing what she has to say about the situation but hopefully in time she eases into her new surroundings and routine. The staff there are lovely and it is a really good place. I just know what it's like stuck being somewhere you don't want to be and how unsettling that is. That's what she's going through atm and I'd love to be able to take her out of there but it's just not possible.

Just finished a spicy soup I ordered and my mouth is burning. I ordered med spice but it was pretty hot.

I keep ordering from menu-log because of the convenience.

My grandmother said to her kids that the reason you have children is so they can look after you in old age. She's expecting them to care for her 24/7 and they've done a lot but it's become too much for them.

It doesn't look like I'll be working much because some of the projects have been cancelled. I'm thinking of applying to do Amazon deliveries which was advertised on the radio that way I can have the two jobs and I really do need the extra income.

🐒🐒🐒

[Croix]

Dear MM~

For just about every family when somone has to be placed in care it makes them feel very bad and powerless. There is not only missing the person they used ot be, not having them around, but also guilt.

Realistically of course just about nobody can do 24/7 care. It takes 3 shifts of carers to do that properly, and if it is just the family it takes over life, and that can even build up to resentment which the family member can sense

I guess it is especially hard for you as your grandmother does not want to be there and it reminds you so much of you own expereices when your freedom was taken away

Please try to remember you are different people, she sadly has less and less faculties, though of course is unhappy just as you were, however you had and have all your faculties and are very capable of living a full unsupervised life (either that or you fooled me completely:)

I found with my MIL that after a while she became reconciled to being in a facility, and even formed friendships there with other clients and staff. It gave her a safer life which had fresh opportunities designed for her lesser abilities. Your gran may not stay unhappy for ever.

I'm sorry to hear those projects have dried up and wish you all the best finding a replacement.

Croix

[monkey_magic]

Dear Croix,

I hope your right and she doesn't stay unhappy there. It is really hard leaving her there knowing how she's feeling but time should hopefully make a difference. She doesn't believe she has dementia and is in denial about a lot of things.

It still makes me sad.

Thanks for wishing me the best with finding a replacement to work. After the move I hope to pick up some new work- fingers crossed.

[blondguy]

Hey Magic

There is only so much you can do...Sophie_M made a excellent point about 'guilt'

Its always a bonus to see you on the forums 🙂

my kindest for you and your grandmother

Paul

[monkey_magic]

Hi all,

Ive been here over 5 years and made over 5,000 posts. It feels like such a milestone on this Beyond blue journey.

🎉🎊🎉🎊🎉🎊

[blondguy]

Hey Magic

Congratulations with 5000+ posts! You have provided heartfelt care to others despite having to deal with your own health...You are and always have been a part of the Beyond blue family

Nice1 MM

Paul